mother and MIL

[Jenns_3_babies]

I really need to vent and get some good ole' advice. Here it goes, I'll try to keep it short and sweet

My MIL made a comment to my mother when the baby wasn't even a week old that she was surprised that I needed help and that I "didn't have things under control yet". She lives right across the street from me, literally, and never offers to help. Well, when she does, she forgets, and has forgotten to babysit the kids quite a few times over the last couple years. When I do ask her to babysit, she always hesitates and acts like I'm imposing. SHe's freaking RETIRED!! She's always making comments like how once she gets this done, she'll watch the kids. BUt it never happens

My mother made a very out of line comment to my 3 1/2 yo DD the other day. DH told me, and we are both very pissed. They were outside filling up the lil' baby pool when my mother grabbed the hose and squirted my DD in the face and said "Now that'll shut you up", then she squirted my 21 month old. My kids dont like to be squirted with the ice cold water. But, that comment!! How do I address it? She's very controlling, belittling, and condesending. She spazes out and yells at my kids a lot after I ask her not to. She tries telling me what clothes to specifically have my DD wearing when she takes her out somewhere, and she favors my DD over DS. She leaves him out of a lot of projects that she does with my DD, and only buys her toys most of the time while my 21 month old chases them around crying.

however, my mom is always the one to babysit when needed and offers a lot. Plus she buys the kids clothes and activites, whereas my mil sometimes gives us money to help out while I was on unpaid maternity leave and she's giving us her old (1992) car.

I have to also add that they both believe in that picking up the baby too much when he crys spoils him. WTF?? I do NOT let my kids cry,especially a baby! They cry for a reason. Makes me wonder what really goes on when they're babysitting.

I really feel like I'm at a loss here. And I officially go back to work tomorrow...and I'm still working on my low BM supply problem

[Anglyn]

Geez, what a tough spot to be in. You cannot let her favor your dd, or it will be emotionally devastating to your ds. Have you tried talking to her abou it? (my moms excuse is that dd is older and so shes easier to do things with, but I just wont do it anymore. She use to have dd come over, just dd, but ds cries if she leaves without him and its not fair so we just decline).

I think its pretty cool to be given a car!! But you know, my mom is like your mil when it comes to helping. She promises it, even volunteers it, but never does it. And makes me feel like a bad parent or a huge imposition if I ask. Then I get lectured on how I chose this, so deal with it, shes raised her kids, she deserves a break, etc. etc. (she deserves a break is the same reason she wont go back to work and my stepdad is pulling double shifts to pay everything, even though he just had a heart attack and heart surgery)

I may not have much advice to offer, but I feel ya! I know how frustrating it is to deal with someone like that!!

[Jenns_3_babies]

thanks, the thing is that my MIL does volunteer, but then conviently forgets. I would only ask her if I'm in a bind for dr's appts that I need to, um, have exposure during.

I've brought it up many times about my mom favoring my DD over DS. She claims she doesn't, but she obviously does. She's always taking her somewhere, bringing her over toys, etc. while my DS cries. It's hard enough for him being the middle child, but to be purposely left out is another thing.

I know my sister who's 7 years older was/is always favored over me growing up and still today. I know how that feels and I do not want my kids exposed to it. But my mom just doesn't listen to me. It's getting to the point where I just want to be left alone. I'm also wondering what goes on when she babysits, if she's going to make that kind of comment to my kids in front of my DH. I know she lets the baby cry, and that bothers me too.

((sigh)) Thanks , I just really needed to get this off my chest. I can't really talk to DH about his own mother! Although we always yip about mine

[pjs]

Not in your DDC, but clearly there are strings attached. I'm not sure how you can find middle ground since they feel you are "indebted" to them...