I seriously fear my ability to nurse another baby.... - Page 2

[fenwickmama]

no advice to add, just couldn't read without saying good luck and

[amyable]

Not much advice here either, but many .

I have never really liked breastfeeding, and between my 4 kids have had every problem in the book, including all you've mentioned. Yet, I've nursed #1 to 13 months (went on loong nursing strike that I probably misinterpreted as self weaning), #2 and #3 to 10 months (stopped due to medical issues with me, and then serious multiple food allergies in #3)... and #4 we are still nursing at 2yo even though I am pregnant and I have that horrible creapy crawly feeling. I really hope this doesn't come across as "high and mighty" because I don't mean it that way at all - I have a TON of sympathy for your situation, a TON - but you are probably a very strong woman and can do things you hate for the good of your child, if that is what you think is best. Here's another just so you know I mean this in a totally loving, supportive way.

What helps me the most is to set small goals. "I'll nurse for 2 weeks. I can't promise any more." Then at two weeks, I see if I can make it another few. "I'll nurse until 6 weeks, that's longer than most of my friends." Etc, etc. Some days I just have to promise myself, "I can make it through this next session, it's only 30 minutes. I can suffer for 30 minutes for the good of my child." Don't think past that 30 minutes. Think about every single benefit of breastfeeding for both you and baby. Brainwash yourself.

And since you say supply is not an issue, if you feel it's not an issue when this next baby is born - I think having boundries on comfort nursing is a great idea for your sanity. If you have just fed and you know they ate well (and it's not a classic "growth spurt time"), try everything ELSE first, nursing last. Worst case scenario, your supply *does* go down and you suppliment - but that is BETTER than quitting altogether (the other option if you lose your mind from nursing all day and night when you hate it, lol!) right?

If it's any help, all babies and breastfeeding relationships are different and this one may be totally laid back and wonderful for you.

[Eliblu23]

Just wanted to add some support. I nursed my first ds for 2 1/2 years, and although I mostly enjoyed it, I did get very worn down during the first year--he was a constant comfort nurser--high need and intense. He refused solids until about 14, 15 months. And at least part of this was just personality--he's still very intense, has a hard time calming down, needs a lot of comforting, and he's ten years old.

My second ds, however, is a much mellower kid--he nursed for comfort some, but mainly nursed for food. I had an easier time nursing him, however, because I realized I needed some limits for my own sanity. I didn't nurse him for two to three hours at a time--and I worked on teaching him to let me sooth him in other ways as well--rocking, singing, cuddling, etc. I used a pacifier for a few months and had no issues. And I had no problems with supply and found that my husband was able to be more involved in comforting the baby from the very beginning which helped everyone enormously. We nursed for two and a half years and I was much happier with the relationship.

Now with 3rd dear son, I'm doing the same sorts of things, occasionally giving a paci, encouraging dh to walk, rock, comfort baby, and the nursing is again going very well. I can leave the house, run errands, do things I need to do with other ds's. I wouldn't have been able to do this with my first because I was nursing all the time.

With ds #1, it was as if I had only one tool in my mothering toolbox, bfing, so that's the one I used. If I were you, I would get bfing well established in the beginning, make sure you have a good latch, are nursing every couple of hours, have enough wet diapers, etc., etc, and cut yourself some slack.

Good luck! -Kendra

[redhen]

Originally Posted by Eliblu23

With ds #1, it was as if I had only one tool in my mothering toolbox, bfing, so that's the one I used.

OMG, does that ring true! I was a single mom as well, so all comforting was done by me- by my breast. Baby crying? Boob in mouth. Baby fall down? boob in mouth. My husband and I started dating when she was a few weeks old, but we didn't live together until her first birthday... when I was starting to give up on nursing. I think that having his support full time (instead of part) this time around will be a huge load off my shoulders.

Thank you so much to everyone who's offered support- your stories and sympathy REALLY, really help a lot.

[AugustLia23]

I think that even though you grew to hate the nuirsing demand from your older daughter, a new baby is like a new start, and for me nursing a newborn was so sweet and precious.

I nursed my younger son for 19 months and it was just the right amount of time for me. Although pacifiers are a big no-no(on MDC at least), I introduced the pacifier at 2 weeks when my ds would become upset by there still being milk flowing after he was done feeding but still wanted to eat. We used the pacifier until he was nightweaned at 10 months(he was eating very well by this time, otherwise we would've waited longer to nightwean). I too was still able to donate milk once he was only to a mom with a low supply. The most important thing to remember with pacifier use is to still offer the breast first, and the pacifier only if you know they aren't hungry. I think it helped to give ma a little bit of break. I really like the idea of "child-led weaning" I definitely don't think it is right for me either, and cannot see myself nursing past 2-2.5.

Another thing that the PP said, you are pregnant now, and for me, any breast sensations are awful during pregnancy. I hate it. That will likely change once the baby is born.

One last thing, you aren't giving birth to your current daughter, this will be a whole different person, with a completely different personality. Some babies are much more attached to the breast and nursing than others. My 1st son(non-bio), nursed on my partner absolutely constantly for almost 2 years, and never took any replacements or bottles, but my 2nd(my 1st bio-babe) did love to nurse, but was okay with nightweaning when we did, and then weaning at 19 months. He also loved his bottles(I went back to work at 5months PP), he would've(and once or twice did) taken the EBM in a bottle from ME.

[sunnysideup]

During pregnancy I absolutely could not stand to have my nipples breathed on--let alone nursed on. I had a very intense, knee-jerk response to it. That changed for me the day my babies were born. It's a hormonal thing. I am wondering if you were on BC pills when you were nursing your dd? The hormones in BC can create that same kind of feeling for some women.

I say, try not to focus on it and worry about it too much. Assume everything will be fine, and if it's not you'll deal with it as it happens. Take it day by day.

[redhen]

wow, I never considered the BC. I had an IUD until she was a year old, which made me have HORRIBLE awful periods, and then started the minipill- EXACTLY when I could no longer stand nursing.

[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by redhen

wow, I never considered the BC. I had an IUD until she was a year old, which made me have HORRIBLE awful periods, and then started the minipill- EXACTLY when I could no longer stand nursing.

I bet that was it.

[redhen]

I am so glad you mentioned this- I was considering going on the minipill after we have this baby.... absolutely not now!!

[Stephanie29]

Hey Holly, I have no advice, but just wanted to give you encouragement!
I think that bfing your dd that long while disliking doing it is amazing!!!
And also the person who said that THIS time will be a different experience, different baby and all, was right on.
Nursing my 1st son was way different than nursing my daughter.
And this time too, it's different.
So hopefully this time it will be different for you and you'll LOVE IT!!!
HUGS!
here for ya!!

[gretelmom]

Oh my gosh, I am so relieved to read this! I thought I was the ONLY person who didn't LOVE breastfeeding, evenwithout pain. It drove me nuts after a while. I think I have weird issues with my nipples, since the moment I got pregnant with DS I have not wanted DH looking at, let alone touching, my breasts. it felt... wrong. Yeah, creepy crawly is right, and really just sort of dirty. I know that's probably psychological, I just thought something was wrong with me, so didn't want ot admit it. I feel much, much better knowing someoneelse out there feels this way.

I don't think we're bad. In fact, I've always been proud that I breast fed as long as I did, which is not nearly as long as you did. I REALLY didn't want my son to get a feeling that I was grossed out, annoyed, disgusted with nursing beause I didn't want it to make him feel bad about HIM. So we weaned. I don't regret that decision either, as my son is very sensitive to every mood and whim of mine and DH's.

j

[redhen]

SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE.

so, she's 3.5 months old now and has been exclusively breastfed, and we don't use pacifiers.

Everything has gone OK so far, but I'm already at the point where I hate it again. Every time I have to nurse her I grit my teeth and I want to scream (or run away). I'm "too smart" to turn to formula, but I feel like if I have to keep nursing her I'm going to lose my mind. I just hate it.

Is there a magic way to get through this?

[sunnysideup]

Could you be pregnant?

[redhen]

it's crossed my mind and gawd, I sure hope not.

[redhen]

nope, I'm not.

[neveryoumindthere]

I just read through this entire thread, had no idea it was from months back. Anyway I've had/have some of those feelings too and yet I have no advice as to how I got over them.
However, I was wondering have you ever had any kind of long(ish) break from the kids? Perhaps you are just totally burnt out ..I know for me I'd dread being strapped to a seat doing nothing but nursing for 1/2 an hour at a time, I just wanted to escape and I couldn't and the anger/discomfort/rage came out on nursing.

When I became assertive enough to (FINALLY) say to dh "I'm leaving. I need a break. I will lose my mind if I'm here for one more second. The kids are fed. Do something with them" and leave the house and go out shopping, buy something for myself, I even visit friends now AFTER the kids are in bed and stay hours talking without interuption. I come back totally renewed and bubbly and ready to see "my babies". For me I found the key was getting OUT of the house, though. Being home and taking an extra long bath just got me sleepy and I'd feel like I wasted time. *shrugs*

Could you try getting a 2 hour break or so? Go to a bookstore and read a book or magazine cover to cover (I love doing that), grab a favourite drink, call your friend to meet up, etc.

*hugs* I've been there. I totally get every word of what you mentioned in your first post. Somehow I got through it, but honestly with the next one I'll be on the lookout for those awful feelings and act on them ASAP because, for me, it just got worse as the days went by and I had no kid-free time at all..

HTH a little, if nothing more than support and knowing you're not the only one..

[kathteach]

Holly I have no advice but you wrote you wanted support so I wanted to let you know I support you 100% whatever you end up doing!

Big hugs. You are such a caring, loving mom. Whatever happens it will be okay.

[hipmummy]

We too batt;ed thrush for over two months. Ds was in the NICU and his thrush was systemic. I went on a low sugar low yeast diet and bothof us took probiotics. We used the nystatin on ds. Tried gentian violet. I am telling you all of this in case it happens again. Probiotics can make a HUGE difference. When we had thrush ds could not nurse. My mother, an LC had to syringe feed him. I realized that if I were any other mama they probably would haver thrown the towel in. Thankfully I had A LOT of support. So any support you need redhen you can get it here. My ds is till almost all EBM too. He still nurses 8-10 times a day most of which ahppen at the expense of my sleep. He spends a lot of the night on the nipple as well. I know it can be verty taxing but you can do it. A lotof us have been were you are and know what it is like to havea very high need babe. Hopefully the next one wiol use their thumd and give you a rest once in a while. Good Luck. PM if you need positive affirmations.

[keeganjacksmom]

Big hugs!!! I'm pretty new to this board but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone!! I had serious issues with both kids (not going to hijack your thread ) But I feel like I persevered through SO MUCH difficulty to successfully brestfeed them that I totally mentally damaged myself! I'm pregnant again and the thought of putting another baby to my breast makes me panic. I'm doing everything I can to prepare to breastfeed again, and it's harder than anything. It's so hard to explain. Please PM me if you want to talk!!!!

Emily

[poetesss]

Originally Posted by redhen

SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE.

so, she's 3.5 months old now and has been exclusively breastfed, and we don't use pacifiers.

Everything has gone OK so far, but I'm already at the point where I hate it again. Every time I have to nurse her I grit my teeth and I want to scream (or run away). I'm "too smart" to turn to formula, but I feel like if I have to keep nursing her I'm going to lose my mind. I just hate it.

Is there a magic way to get through this?

I'm so sorry, I wish there was an easy way to get through this.

I don't really have any genius ideas for you...if I was in the situation I'd consider constitutional treatment by a very experienced very competent homeopath. I personally recommend the one at http://www.homeopathicare.org -- she has about 30 years experience and everyone who I have referred to her has had excellent results with their chronic illnesses, mood and emotional issues, etc.

HTH!