There should NOT be an "Or" there. It's an AND. Having a healthy baby is important. Having a good birth is important. Both of them. Not one or the other. Why does saying you're not happy with your birth make people think you're ungrateful for your child, and why do people think the proper way to deal with that is to say Don't Be Sad, You Have a Baby, Your Feelings Are Silly and Meaningless, Your Priorities are Wrong. :
When dd finally came along 10 years later, and was another c-section, I didn't talk about how much it hurt, because after all, I finally had my baby, and that's all that counts, right??
It wasn't until I was told that ds2 would have to be another c-section, because I was so damned "high risk" now that I really, fully admitted to myself just how not okay this was with me. I'm not sure if my first clue was the nights I spent tossing and turning because I couldn't sleep, or the nights when I did fall asleep and woke up from nightmares of a blood-splashed OR and my own voice screaming (the first nightmares I'd ever had, I might add), or simply the fact that I didn't enjoy being pregnant at all...the whole pregnancy was just one long bout of tension and dread (to the extent that dh initially said "no more" because he couldn't handle that again). I fought for months and months to get out of that section, and ended up cut again.
For anyone to tell me that all that matters out of all that is that my children are healthy is offensive on a level I can't even describe. For one thing, it completely dismisses an absolute hell I went through (partly because our society refuses to admit that it is hellish for some women)...and partly because it implies that without the surgery, my children wouldn't have been healthy...that I really am broken, and needed the man with the scalpel to get my healthy baby out. If I didn't, then why are people giving me the healthy baby card? If I could have had a healthy baby and not been a convalescent, why is the healthy baby all that matters when I am recovering from surgery?
Okay - that was really long. I was just trying to make the point that this crap greatly interfered with my ability and freedom to process what happened to me in my own way and on my own time. It dismisses what I went through and makes it perfectly okay to force surgery on women...because the surgery doesn't matter, anyway.
Of course, I'm happy that my children are all healthy. But, I'm furious at the implication that it's only because they were cut and violently pushed from my anesthetized body that they are healthy.