What have I done wrong, and what can I do right?

[eli's mama]

My sister and her BF are planning to get married soon, like within a year, also ttc shortly thereafter. Well my mother told me that if they have boys they are going to circ them! My mom told me because she's devastated. I'm praying for girls. But I feel like all this time, all the articles, the videos, information we have shared with my sister. Has she just been playing along but really not listening? I have been "testing" her, talking about why we didn't and why people shouldn't and I've noticed she's very quiet when this topic comes up. Now I feel like I have a little over a year to really hammer it home. Anyone have any advice? Am I worrying too early? I know my sister, she will do anything the BF says. He's not a bad guy, just a little too...uh, well I don't like him so nevermind. But the point here is what should I do? I've already thought of putting birth control in her coffee until I can figure it all out!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I think the key here is getting to the bf if you can convince him then she will go along with it. No it is never to early to teach others about circ and why it is bad.

[Revamp]

A year is plenty of time {but probably long enough for her to clock the old school hormone spiked coffee trick, sorry!} really so I would suggest not panicking and working on this one gradually but decisively and not starting to panic until the test actually comes back blue.

As aforementioned whether you like him or not cracking the bf really is the key to this one but if after a few months that shows no sign of success then re-focusing upon your sister might be wise. A good approach with a man is to evade any talk of sexual damage at all costs and to focus upon the liberty argument; you know: "It should be his choice", "If he wants it back there's nothing he can do but if he wants it gone..." etc.

Don't make him feel inferior, don't call it mutilation, don't say scars aren't sexy. Nobody likes their genitals being insulted.

[nd_deadhead]

A good way to bring up the subject with them might be to mention the recently reported death of the baby in Canada. "Say something like "There was another circumcision death in the news!")

Express horror that a perfectly normal, healthy baby boy never came home from the hospital because his parents insisted he get cosmetic surgery.

Chances are that will lead to a discussion about why he feels it should be done, and you can counter any arguement he has. Do your best to be calm, cool, and collected - for every myth he spouts, say something like "That's a very common misperception" or "A lot of people feel that way, but the fact of the matter is..." That way you don't make him look like an idiot for his beliefs. If you can throw in an occasional "I used to believe the same thing myself, until I learned..." it might make is easier for him to see the light.

Another tack you might take (in a different conversation): Pregnancy is SO exciting! It's also scary. From the minute you find out you're pregnant, you start to worry. Will the baby be a boy or a girl? Will I be a good parent? Will the baby be healthy? You start reading about all these awful things that can go wrong - Baby can be born early, he can have a birth defect that requires immediate medical intervention - maybe even surgery - you hear so many horror stories that you start to wonder if it's even possible to deliver a healthy, full-term baby!

So when you're there in the hospital, with this incredible, precious bundle, and you count the fingers and toes, and the doctor declares him perfectly normal and healthy - doesn't it seem weird to sign him up for an operation he doesn't even need?