BF failure debreif - Page 2

[loraxc]

You have Hashimoto's? An underactive thyroid?

I hope this doesn't upset you further, but you indeed CAN breastfeed while taking thyroid replacement. If doctors told you otherwise, they were dead wrong. It is not at all a danger to the baby. I have Hashimoto's and I BF my daughter till 15 months. Not taking the meds was actually pretty dangerous for you. I am glad you are okay.

If you have a hyperactive thyroid, then I believe that is different.

I just wanted you to know this in case you want to have another child. It is also vitally important to take the meds during pregnancy, or the child can be born mentally disabled. My endocrinologist checks my thyroid once a month while I am PG.

[CathMac]

Thanks for posting your experience

I have no BTDT experience. I just want to say that I think you fought valiantly and that your daughter is better off for it but at the same time you gave in when you had to.

If you aren't on medication now (and or if the previous poster is right about the compatability of your meds with BF'ing) do you feel up to considering relactating?

I won't give the info here because I don't want you to feel pressured, especially after what you have been through. I will say however, that it doesn't have to be a do or die, all or nothing mission. You can approach it as a low key, playful and relaxing experiment: taking baths together, skin to skin contact, co-sleeping, offering when DC is tired and not too hungry, etc. etc. You can give it as little or as much effort as you have the energy to. I suspect some Moms are successful precisely because they don't make it a torturous mission.

If you are interested please PM me and I'll provide you with some links to recent threads and other resources.

I'm glad you're feeling better. I hope you find a way to make peace with your experience. I just want to emphasize that I think you are a great Mom that tried her darndest. Your DC is lucky to have you. It's a good reminder of how easy I've had it.
~Cath

[Nan'sMom]

Just wanted to say sorry for all you've been through. It sounds really traumatizing. It also sounds like you are a good and loving mother. Please take care of yourself and offer yourself some of your love as well. Try to eat and sleep well and maybe seek an alternative practitioner (naturopath or homeopath maybe) to help you through all of this.

[EdnaMarie]

"but i was hanging on, maybe i COULD have gotten better."

Don't feel guilty. I know you feel like there is a tiny chance you could have done it, and I suppose there is. But there is a much bigger chance that your child could have failed to thrive, that you both would have suffered unnecessarily. You tried for a long time and did everything you could.

Remember that you may have future children. You need to keep yourself healthy for their life in the womb and their breastfeeding as well. You did not make a bad decision to keep yourself healthy.

7 months of breastfeeding is great. Your daughter will reap the benefits for her whole life. She's lucky to have you. You didn't fail her.

:

[bri276]

this is not what breastfeeding or natural parenting is about- it's not about killing yourself. it HAS to be a BALANCE of what's good for you and the baby. I EP'ed for 21 months and fought feelings of failure because I didn't make it to the magic two years. then I realized how completely ridiculous that is. would I have liked to be able to breastfeed from the tap from day one and still be nursing? of course. was that possible? absolutely not. dd was born with a cleft palate. that's the way it was, I did the best I could, just like you did the best you could.

your dad was SO right. your daughter would definitely prefer a healthy energetic mama who can play with her to a sick mama who bfs. who wouldn't? would you want your mom to be as ill as you were to bf you? you have to be on the ball to be a good mother. if that means not bf'ing, big deal.

what is it you think your baby missed out on? being held close and nursed? that's certainly possible with a bottle, I still do it with my 23 month old! being fed on demand, feeling securely attached to mama- definitely possible with bottles, I know for a fact. nutrition? of course, breastmilk is ideal. there are things I do to make up for the fact that dd no longer gets breastmilk (and things I did when I had to supplement during her 2nd year), like fish and cod liver oil, lots of fresh fruits and egg yolks, no it's not perfect, but I feel that her diet is still FAR superior to the average American child, and very close to a breastfed toddler. perfect, no, but life's not perfect.

WHat the f*ck did i do to my child?

What do you think you "did" to her? A lot of us here weren't able to breastfeed normally, or at all. It's not healthy to think of lack of breastfeeding as neglect - most mothers do the best they can with the situation they're given. Life goes on, and if the worst thing you ever "did" to your child is stop bf'ing so that you could be healthy enough to care for her, you did pretty good! but I think she'll come up with some worse things by the time she's a teenager

[worstfriend]

Thanks for all your replies. I did actually find that getting it all out made me feel much better - you can read it afresh and forget who wrote it - i would tell any woman who wrote that what you all told me. I know, i tried, it worked for a while, then it didn't, so i tried something else.

DD is fully weaned anyway now, and has cows milk, not formula. My initial plans (before the birth) were to BF for the first year only, so although i have no doubt that i'd still be BFing now if it weren't for this, i think relactating and the challenges it would bring would probably be detrimental to my emotional recovery from this. I am certainly going to BF my next and subsequent babies and this shouldn't happen again.

loraxc - thanks - you didnt upset me more, it's good to have ALL the info and also know someone else who's lived with the same thing. My thyroid was very hyper for the 4mos Post partum, and my body then developed full-blown Hashimotos in response (detecting it as foreign as it was so overactive) and went very hypo. The doctors wanted to do radioactive uptake testing on my goiter when DD was small and i was losing weight and my supply, but luckily my goiter went of its own accord with the Hashimoto's, so i avoided that in the end. They didn't want to put me onto meds before finding out if my goiter was dangerous and it didn't shrink almost completely until DD was already weaned. I basically managed to avoid the testing (which i couldn't have fed through/after anyway) and the hyper meds (which are the nastier ones and again, preclude BFing in many cases) by waiting and getting ill, but it didn't save my milk ultimately.

My mum had longer than usual thyroid issues after her babies and i was hoping to avoid the life-long meds by waiting it out, but it wasn't to be, and i am now on levothyroxine. I know about having levels watched during PG but thanks again for sharing that knowledge - that could potentially saved SO much heartache if i hadn't known.

Bri276 you're right, i know FFing isn't neglect - it's just sometimes people push reports about how detrimental Formula is in your face and you think "well, i know this, but what's my alternative? Starving my baby?" I am NOT anti-FFing, i am just very very pro-BFing and i guess something we're really attached to the idea of, and really work towards and try our hardest at can be the most difficult thing to let go of, even when letting go is the healthiest thing.

About 40 minutes ago i wrapped DD in her snuggle blanket, gave her her bedtime lamb (to suck his tail, because apparently that's the best bit ) and rocked her to sleep and then just held her for 20 minutes. I put her down after that as she sleeps better in her own room, where it's peaceful, but i realised how much closeness we do still have.

Through all of this i think i've learned that BFing doesn't make a mother, flexibility does.

Thanks again everyone.

Bxxx

[earthmommy2]

I agree with PP (and I didn't go through all the posts) but I have to tell you that yes you did the best you could and in now way did you fail your daughter. Don't ever think that!! My DD (who is now 3 yo) was going to be EFF and when my dd had an allergic reaction to the formula and the PED kept telling me to just try different stuff everytime...I couldn't do that...I felt that I had failed her, for not BFing from the start...but you know what another AWESOMELY AMAZING PED told me...I was doing the best I could with the information I had. He then asked me if I would try BFing with him and his nurse for support. DD latched on and never again had a problem. You did the best you could with the abilities you had...and forever you are her mummy and that is the most imorotant part!!!

[bri276]

i think relactating and the challenges it would bring would probably be detrimental to my emotional recovery from this.

I completely agree.

Bri276 you're right, i know FFing isn't neglect - it's just sometimes people push reports about how detrimental Formula is in your face and you think "well, i know this, but what's my alternative? Starving my baby?" I am NOT anti-FFing, i am just very very pro-BFing and i guess something we're really attached to the idea of, and really work towards and try our hardest at can be the most difficult thing to let go of, even when letting go is the healthiest thing.

I know. Trust me, I am the same way, VERY pro-bfing, but I have a real problem with people who equate it with better parenting in general. I was raised by a woman who breastfed me but didn't spend time with me, or enjoy being a mother in most other ways, and is to this day a rather harsh person. And, though my child got breastmilk, I didn't nurse her and I KNOW we have a much closer bond than I ever had with my own mother. I just hate anyone to feel like they failed or their baby missed out on attachment. The early years are extremely important to attachment, yes, but it's just the beginning of a lifelong relationship with your child that is going to amount to so much more than how or what they were fed. (And I say that without diminishing the importance and sometimes lifesaving effects of breastmilk- really, I get that, or I wouldn't have ep'ed! )