found out a friend circed son

[mamamillet]

Just visited a friend and her 2 week old son today and found out that she did have him circed. It makes me sad, sad for the baby and sad for the mom. I thought I might be angry but its just sadness that fills me up when I think about it. I had given the mom lots of reading material, she agreed it wasn't needed and would never bring herself to watch a video of it--her husband was really for it--I don't think she ever had him watch a video and I have no idea if anyone was with the babe when it was done. I just couldn't bring myself to ask any questions or say much about it.

[eli's mama]

s
I'm so sorry. I'm preparing myself for something similar.

[titania8]

im sorry mama.

[Quirky]

I'm sorry. Unfortunately some people are just so brainwashed by society or damaged by their own experiences that they can't break the cycle of abuse. : At least you tried.

[MommytoB]

Are there too many 'anti-conflicters' I know there is this one guy in our church who's a jr high minstry pastor he is a 'slight bit younger than me but he stated at one time during the adult bible study he 'avoid conflicts ' he is a anti-conflict.

Why do some mom's just go with their husbands word does that have to do with the term of follow the man of the house they used to make a man in the past to seem to be a leader of the family then maybe some still belive that .

It is a sad thing just because the husband was circ'ed his son got circ'ed if he wasn't circ'ed then there would not have been likely any discussion and both of them would have been intact. Just one change involved a double change which later on will soon become a 'triple change' because of the 'grandsons'

[mamamillet]

I avoid conflict if I can but do believe that some are unavoidable--the ones that have anything to do with what is right for my son. I do not compromise well--maybe why I am still single-- but many women feel that as a parent the father has a part in decision making, which I guess theorectially he does but I do feel there are certain issues I wouldn't be able to compromise on--but thats me. This dad also had a circ complication-bent penis. hope his son fares better.

[CaraNicole]

that poor little boy!

[pixie2225]

So sorry! I have been in similar situations with friends and even my sister-in-law. My SIL is jewish and my family attended the bris. Talk about an emotional day. We just have to have faith that we have made informed decisions for our families and keep our chins up when dealing with those who have chosen a different path. However, I realize how frustrating it is when you've taken the time to educate someone and they still fall into "societal norms".

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by MommytoB

Are there too many 'anti-conflicters' I know there is this one guy in our church who's a jr high minstry pastor he is a 'slight bit younger than me but he stated at one time during the adult bible study he 'avoid conflicts ' he is a anti-conflict.

Why do some mom's just go with their husbands word does that have to do with the term of follow the man of the house they used to make a man in the past to seem to be a leader of the family then maybe some still belive that .

It is a sad thing just because the husband was circ'ed his son got circ'ed if he wasn't circ'ed then there would not have been likely any discussion and both of them would have been intact. Just one change involved a double change which later on will soon become a 'triple change' because of the 'grandsons'

I'm not a follow the man type, I run most things, but I do believe couples are partners in decision making. So I involved my husband and he was much more passionate about circing, it seemed very important to him.

I don't think its accuate to categorize women who permit circ as weak. Maybe weak on that particular decision, but not weak overall.

[vermontgirl]

Originally Posted by mamamillet

Just visited a friend

I personally would not consider her a friend anymore. I cannot continue friendships with people who abuse their children-even though the information was provided for them.

[karina5]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl

I personally would not consider her a friend anymore. I cannot continue friendships with people who abuse their children-even though the information was provided for them.

Oh for pete's sake. While I am anti-circumcision, and both my DH and DS are intact, this is ridiculous.

She's not starving him, beating him, or neglecting him. I can't stand circumcision, but this is overboard.

[StrawHatBrat]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl

I personally would not consider her a friend anymore. I cannot continue friendships with people who abuse their children-even though the information was provided for them.

Wow.

[carriebft]

I think it's hard when you are deep in in the inactivism plight and you give all the information to someone and they still choose to cut their sons. I don't think it's overboard at all that some people step away from relationships where their "friend" ignores everything given to them, has their son strapped down to a board, has their genitals skinned....

It might not be my choice, to walk away from the friendship (although it might be, I havent been in this exact situation yet), but I would never consider it overboard that someone else might walk away or distance themself.

I know I would have a tough time looking into the face of someone who had their daughter's genitals cut, even if it was a friend. If one of my friends cut their son despite all my information giving, I would probably feel the same way...

[Papai]

Originally Posted by karina5

Oh for pete's sake. While I am anti-circumcision, and both my DH and DS are intact, this is ridiculous.

She's not starving him, beating him, or neglecting him. I can't stand circumcision, but this is overboard.

I'm the same as you, in that I don't defriend people who circ, but I can understand why some people choose to step away from those who do.

[Daisyuk]

Originally Posted by karina5

Oh for pete's sake. While I am anti-circumcision, and both my DH and DS are intact, this is ridiculous.

She's not starving him, beating him, or neglecting him. I can't stand circumcision, but this is overboard.

No, she isn't starving, beating him or neglecting him. SHE CUT OFF PART OF HIS PENIS, a genital mutilation that will affect him for his entire life, so he will be forced to look and function how his mother prefers. It's just as bad as starving, beating and neglecting, especially now, where there is NO chance at all that he will grow up in ignorance of what she has taken. She took the risk that he could lose his penis completely or even die, and the chances are that he will spend his whole childhood suffering excrutiating pain from repeated attacks by his parents and/or doctors while they pull apart his adhesions. All completely unnecessary.

Why are you trying to trivialise it?

[karina5]

Originally Posted by Daisyuk

No, she isn't starving, beating him or neglecting him. SHE CUT OFF PART OF HIS PENIS, a genital mutilation that will affect him for his entire life, so he will be forced to look and function how his mother prefers. It's just as bad as starving, beating and neglecting, especially now, where there is NO chance at all that he will grow up in ignorance of what she has taken. She took the risk that he could lose his penis completely or even die, and the chances are that he will spend his whole childhood suffering excrutiating pain from repeated attacks by his parents and/or doctors while they pull apart his adhesions. All completely unnecessary.

Why are you trying to trivialise it?

I said that I think circumcision is wrong. So we agree on that.

But I think it's petty to stop being friends w/ someone who did this. I will never view male circumcision in the same category as a truly abused child. I know you have a lot of people here who do, but I'm sorry, I just can't.

I have seen children w/ cigarette burns on their bottoms, left in the same diapers for 4 days, no food, and other really sick things. Really sick.

It's just not the same to me, and circumcising your baby, while I don't condone it and I even think it's "bad", is just not even CLOSE to being in the same category.

[christifav]

Originally Posted by eli's mama

s
I'm so sorry. I'm preparing myself for something similar.

me too.

[Daisyuk]

Originally Posted by karina5

I have seen children w/ cigarette burns on their bottoms, left in the same diapers for 4 days, no food, and other really sick things. Really sick.

It's just not the same to me, and circumcising your baby, while I don't condone it and I even think it's "bad", is just not even CLOSE to being in the same category.

And what exactly is the difference between a cigarette burn (which leaves a scar only), or being left in the same diaper for 4 days (causing sores and pain, possible scarring and infection but no tissue lost), or lack of food (which can be made up later and which leaves no obvious signs at all) and a genital mutilation, which removes a large amount of erogenous tissue permanently and which is constantly re-opened, torn and messed about with for several years?

I would suggest that your cultural conditioning to accept one and not the other is coming into play here, how can you NOT see that this is the same thing?

[karina5]

Originally Posted by Daisyuk

And what exactly is the difference between a cigarette burn (which leaves a scar only), or being left in the same diaper for 4 days (causing sores and pain, possible scarring and infection but no tissue lost), or lack of food (which can be made up later and which leaves no obvious signs at all) and a genital mutilation, which removes a large amount of erogenous tissue permanently and which is constantly re-opened, torn and messed about with for several years?

I would suggest that your cultural conditioning to accept one and not the other is coming into play here, how can you NOT see that this is the same thing?

I'm not gonna get into it w/ you. We agree more than we disagree.

I know what I've seen, and I understand your point (I truly do).

But I will never see a circumcised penis in the same realm of abuse as some of the horrendous crap I've witnessed. Unless you've seen a baby with bitemarks and cigarette burns all over their skin, you will not know what I mean. It is NOT as you describe which completely whitewashes VERY MESSED UP situations.

It's okay that you disagree with me on this point.

[Daisyuk]

Actually I DO know what you mean, and I can't see the difference between inflicting torture to a baby's genitals (which does go on for years in some cases), and torture to the rest of his/her body. Why do you think the genitals are somehow exempt?