How would you respond...

[Om Girl]

Birth Professionals how would/do you respond to a question regarding your personal birth?

I ask because my students often ask me what my birth was like, how long labor was, etc. I just say "my experience isn't relevent to what your experience in labor will be as everyone has their own unique experience in labor". I saw this because I had a very healthy pregnancy with no complications, a very quick, progressive labor with no pain medication lasting 3 hours (first and only child). I feel as though telling them would set them up with an unrealistic model of labor. Am I wrong for giving this as my answer? WWYD?

[MsBlack]

I might say just what you say that you tell them...and then go ahead and also tell my story. Remember that even tho women might get 'unrealistic expectations', your story can also help people get 'balanced expectations', since the usual skinny told to 1st time moms anyway, is that their labor is most likely to be long and hard! But I would think even for a mom having her 2nd or beyond, your story illustrates one end of the spectrum--and real life stories, I think, are the most believable compared to stats. While any pregnant woman needs to understand that we can't predict any birth necessarily, I think it is also good for them to know that birth can be a whole lotta different things--from very easy to very hard, from healthy to complicated, even in the same woman, successive births.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'm always willing to share my birth stories. My births were very different from each other. It's a great way of pointing out how unpredictable labor is. Even with the same parents, 2 different labors can be really different. I've also dealt with a long, exhausting labor in a hospital and a very quick (almost precipitous) labor at home.

[CMcC]

Yeah, I have the same problem about women getting unrealistic ideas from my birth stories. But instead of telling beautiful stories of homebirth where the baby just "slips out"....I have 3 cesarean birth stories. It's not exactly the kinda happy stories you wanna hear when you're pregnant. So while I can't lie to my clients (sometimes I wish I could)... I say something like each birth is unique to each mother. Just because this is what I experienced, doesn't mean that this will also happen to you. But I try to play up the positive parts instead of focusing on the actual experience. Instead of saying my last birth was 60 hours drug and intervention free that ended in cesarean birth.... I say I had a beautiful LONG labor supported by my DH and doula, however, it did end in cesarean birth because DD was unable to drop. It was a truly empowering birth. I educated and surrounded myself with support and encouragement. I found out how really strong I am and that it is possible to labor as I wished (drug and intervention free). I feel I am qualified to help the mothers find ways to get themself through an unmedicated and intervention free birth (if that's what they want). I've heard moms say..."Well, my dr won't allow me to try for a VBAC". I am proof that you most certainly can try for a VBAC, but if you are birthing in a hospital, be prepared to fight for your right. They have to be committed to what they want, but at the same time, educated enough to accept help (drugs or intervention) if it becomes necessary. I usually end by telling them to learn from my experiences, and take it as my experience and not theirs.

My first mom felt guilty because she got the epidural when she wanted a drug/intervention free birth. She told us "I don't see how you did it" (meaning drug free)..... I told her that it was my birth, and if my birth had gone like hers, I might very well have asked for that epidural also. What was important is that she made a good educated decision and in her case it was necessary. It was still an empowering birth even though it wasn't what she pictured.

Then my second birth I attended, the father blamed me for his wife's long (8 hours) birth. Her first birth was very short, but because we had talked, I eventually told her how long my labor went. I had worried that my presence (and story) might slow her down. There were other factors too, so I don't blame myself entirely. She was worried that the birth might only be 30 minutes, so that in itself could slow labor down.


I think you have to be truthful with the mothers in order for them to be truthful to you. If they feel like you are holding back something, most likely they will too. Motherhood contects us, not the birth experience itself. Even those that have similar birth experiences, the details will differ. Even pregnancies to the same mother differ from one to the other. So they can keep this in mind when labor does begin.

[Rockies5]

Well I've had 5 and they've all been very different so I don't have a fear that they think they will get the easy way out from what I tell them!

But if a doula I was interviewing gave me that answer I'd be suspicious. : I tend to always be supicious though

I think it's a very valid question to ask though, and your experience does shape you philosophy about birth. Not always, but I know there must be Birth Professionals out there that can say all the "right" things and then show a different side at your labor. I hear all the time about "hands off" "great" midwives during pregnancies and then during labor (from the birthing womans persepctive) they become pretty controlling or pushy about how they want your birth to go. The same could be said for teachers and doulas (or anyone in and profession), that their personal histories do flavor their perspectives.

I'd be a little more open then "mine doen't have anything to do with yours" maybe something more like "well, all births do vary according to the woman and I can't promise you'll have an estatic birth just because I did; but I can show you what I did to prepare and support you..."