How to encourage "please" without ramming it down his throat? - Page 2

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Oh, I also wanted to say that I don't think "please" is necessarily a "magic word". There are plenty of ways to be polite without it:
Could I have some juice, Mama?
Juice, Mama! (With a big hug)
I'm thirsty. Juice?

I'm much more concerned with intentional rudeness than formulaic politeness. So, if someone asks in a rude way, we say, "Can you ask me in a loving way, please?" and as long as the answer we get back isn't rude, we don't stand around waiting for a please. But we also using that phrase (a loving way) a lot in our family. It's sort of our code.

This is how I feel, too. I've heard bigger kids say all the right words, but say it in a nasty tone.

I remember encouraging polite asking when my kids were small and for awhile it didn't seem like it was making any difference in them at all. Then one day we were at the neighbors and my DD said to my neighbor, "May I have a glass of juice please" very sweetly. I about fell over!

One of my DDs tried to make the phrase "May I have..." fit ALL situations, as in "May I have you tie my shoes?" "May you make me waffles?" It was so cute. :

[quelindo]

Originally Posted by bdavis337

My 2 yo uses "NOW" in his vocabulary, b/c he hears me say to his older brother "I've asked you twice, you need to XYZ NOW so that......". Do you have an older child?

Nope, he's my only.

This morning he said, "More fruit bar." I said, "You'd like more fruit bar, please? Here you go!" and he repeated, "More fruit bar, please." Yay!

[annettemarie]

Yay! Sounds like you're off to a great start!

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

One of my DDs tried to make the phrase "May I have..." fit ALL situations, as in "May I have you tie my shoes?" "May you make me waffles?" It was so cute. :

That is very sweet.

[Individuation]

Ooooh, I have to jump in here and say that I can't stand the whole "magic word" thing, particularly when kids are being really loud and sing-song with it. How many times have you heard a kid yell out "JUUUUUICE, PLEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!" only to watch his mother hop up and get it because he "used his manners." Ugh.

I vote for just modeling calmly and politely asking, and if "please" gets in there as well, great. If not, well, if your child can say "May I have some juice?" in a normal voice, they're better off than most. Simply stating the noun ("juice," "fork," "cake," whatever) isn't appropriate, whether or not they tack on a "please."

[noah's mom]

I agree with the combination of modeling and gently encouraging. DS, who just turned 2, often says 'thank you' entirely on his own when I give him something (and I never ask him to say thank you to me, just try to be conscious of saying it to him when he does something I ask him to do. I will occasionally encourage him to say 'thank you' to others, for example if he receives a gift, but those instances are pretty rare). "Please" seems to be a more difficult concept for him - I wonder if that's the case in general with kids? - even though I try to always ask rather than command when I want something from him. But he generally has a reasonable, age-appropriate attitude about how he asks for things. Every once in awhile I will tell him "a polite way you can ask is 'may I have ___ Mommy?'" and he'll repeat the phrase.

I'm just happy that at this point he says "thank you" unprompted!

[lramom]

Can you ask me in a loving way, please?

I think I need to steel this. We're going through a lot of upheaval here and my 7 yo is reacting by being demanding and rude, which is really pushing my buttons due to the nature or the upheaval. . .I think this might help out.