Why circumcised men feel so strongly about circumcision

[mamazee]

When I was pregnant and before we found out we were having a daughter, my husband and I discussed this issue at great length. He felt very strongly that if we had a son he should be circumcised, and gave illogical reason after illogical reason after illogical reason why. (You know the ones - he should look like his daddy, it's too hard to keep clean, etc.)

Then I realized. Men's penises make them very happy. As far as they're concerned, their penises are the greatest things in the world - and love is blind. However their penises are is perfect. Most men can't imagine anything on the planet being better, or even as good. Unless they had a complication from their circumcision that causes problems, circ'd men assume that circumcision is a necessary part of their happiness with their penises.

When I told my husband that men who aren't circumcised are just as happy with their penises as he is with his, and that his happiness has nothing to do with the fact that he's been circumcised, he started to understand. If we have a son and he isn't circumcised, he will grow up happy with himself too and think that his penis is perfect and anything else can't possibly be as good.

So my husband agreed that as it doesn't improve it, it absolutely shouldn't be done. It causes pain - and not just during the procedure. Try peeing and pooping on an open wound and see how that feels.

I think the only reason circumcision is popular in the US is because most men and most doctors are circumcised and they can't imagine that their penises are anything less than perfect. They're happy and they assume that circumcision is a necessary ingredient of that. The idea that someone cut them so intimately for no good reason at all can make them angry and potentially defensive as well. My husband is very laid back and didn't get angry and defensive, and he changed his mind about the procedure. My brother, when his son was born, was incredibly angry and defensive when I brought this up. And my sister-in-law said uncircumcised penises are disgusting and no woman would ever perform oral sex on him if he wasn't circumcised. How stupid. I wonder how European movie stars get so much action when they're so disgusting.[/sarcasm]

I haven't been active at MDC for a while as I'm not cloth diapering or nursing anymore so I haven't needed the same level of support, but this issue is already coming up again and we're just planning to get pregnant! So I imagine I'll be around a bit more during pregnancy and babyhood. MDC is a great resource.

[kldliam]

Zee: Unless they had a complication from their circumcision that causes problems, circ'd men assume that circumcision is a necessary part of their happiness with their penises.

You made some good points. But what most people don't care to think about is that circumcision itself is a complication. The penis will never function again the way nature intended it too. Perhaps that is not a problem for those who don't know otherwise. But the permanent amputation of their foreskin has forever altered the true & natural mechanics of their penis and of sex.

[QueenOfThePride]

mamazee, your post should be stickied!!! Or maybe you can copy and paste into one of our existing stickies...

[bdavis337]

My circumcised husband says roughly this:

---So I've never had a foreskin, and will never know what I'm possibly missing out on. From my point of view, my circumcised penis works just fine, and I'm quite happy with it, and feel no need to regret my circumcised status. I have nothing to compare it to. ----

So essentially, he's saying what the OP has said. And I'll go one farther and say that his penis is not only a source of happiness for him, but a source of pride as well.

[amylee1130]

my husband is intact and i cannot imagine any woman in her right mind thinking an intact man is "disgusting". i am so glad that your husband changed his mind mamazee--you have given your son (and perhaps future daughter-in-law!) an enormous blessing. he will thank you for protecting him from such a painful procedure that is not only unnecessary but permanently damaging.

i think all of those arguments are so insane, too. if a huge percentage of men had amputated arms would fathers still be so keen to have their sons "look like" them? or would they do anything in their power to protect them against the violence they suffered? and, speaking of things being tricky to "keep clean", take a look at a woman! if we are afraid of one fold on skin on a little boy, i fear for what could be argued beneficial for little girls!

i get so sad when i hear people making a choice for a child that the child could certainly make for himself when he came of age.

[Claire and Boys]

I think a lot of it is cultural. Here, RIC does not happen, but there are some that get circed later in life, like my DH, for alleged medical reasons. When I was pg with my first son I was reading about circ on message boards and said to DH, would you want your son circed just because you are? He looked at me like I was nuts and said "Whyever would I want that?"

[KBecks]

Good points. For my DH I also think he has a bit of denial involved dealing with his parents having him circ'd. As in, my parents are perfect, if they chose it, it must be the right thing.

And my DH emphasized tradition more than anything.

I almost want to have another baby so I can have the chance of having an uncirc'd son, but I realize that's not a reason to get pregnant.

[Quirky]

Mamazee, you've hit the nail on the head! KBecks, I think you're also right that guys don't want to think their parents harmed them, intentionally or not.

Best of luck with your TTCing!

[Papai]

mamazee, I think your theory has a lot of truth in it.

Trust me, us guys are very sensitive about our penises.

[Tara62]

I usually lurk here, but dang, OP, I love your post!

[Damien]

Very nicely put, mamazee.

My #1 question when this topic comes up in conversation: "So you'll be circumcising your daughters too?" People consider female circumcision to be abusive and sick, but male circumcision is just a normal part of life - as a foreigner to these here parts (I'm Irish) I consider this fact to be the sick part.

[KBecks]

Lastly, I think that a problem for my DH was if he would admit that intact is "right", that makes his penis "wrong". And DH doesn't like being wrong, and he certainly doesn't want to have to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with his penis. It's a particularly sensitive issue.

[A&A]

True, for a lot of men. But not all of them. My dh was very against perpetuating the cycle of abuse. He was/is happy with leaving our son intact.

[mamasophy]

My DH had the same issues with not circing. I brought up the subject before we got married! So we had time to work through the issues which I didn't realize were there at the time - I was only 20 and it seemed so logical to me that (after seeing a circ) we wouldn't EVER do that to a baby, especially if it isn't medically necessary. But that wasn't my soon to be DH's problem, and it took awhile for him to admit that it was about his penis being "wrong" if we didn't circ! I have to admit that I was a bit insensitive for awhile - I didn't care what his weird psychological issues were, I wasn't hurting any baby of mine!! I wasn't even pregnant - my future babies were talking to me loudly though! 21 years and 4 kids (3 boys) later, my DH still has a hard time with my intactivism; he completely agrees with me and would tell anyone who asked that circ is ridiculous, but sometimes he feels robbed because he is circed, especially after learning of the functions of the foreskin during sex. But I think he's the best, smartest man in the world - he didn't have to be convinced not to circ once our 1st baby son arrived - he just looked into his eyes and KNEW...

[Monkeygrrl]

Originally Posted by mamasophy

he completely agrees with me and would tell anyone who asked that circ is ridiculous, but sometimes he feels robbed because he is circed, especially after learning of the functions of the foreskin during sex.

i think this is exactly it...i just finished a research paper on circ, so my partners got the brunt of all my thinking outloud...there was a point where my male partner stated he would be glad when i was done with the class, because he was tired of hearing about it...and really, i think it comes down to your statement...he didnt get a choice when it came to having a working body part removed...not only that, but the issues he currently has, can be directly linked to his circ, which does not make things better for him...and then what is he supposed to do? be angry at his parents? they were doing what they thought was right, and they are not having anymore children...restore? but what if that causes more damage? *sigh*

i am thankful he sees the benefit of leaving the boys intact...i am thankful he understands that he made a wrong decision with his first son, and he was willing to stop the chain of abuse...and i am thankful he is willing to talk about it, when the subject comes up...

and i make sure its not such a common topic in the house anymore...

peace...

[3kidsclmr]

I still haven't gotten my DH to admit that circ is wrong. He thinks he's fine just the way he is (circed) and when I talked with him about restoring he said, "why on earth would I want to do that?" I have gotten him to the point that he feels badly that we put our two sons through pain for no reason, but I don't know that he will ever truly feel that what we did was wrong. I've had to back off a little on the topic lately... but I'm hoping that some of the info. sank in. We're not planning on having any more kids, but like KBecks wrote- I would have another baby just to be able to keep him intact. I know it's not a great reason to bring another child into the world, but I find myself dreaming sometimes...

[Lady Lilya]

Originally Posted by A&A

True, for a lot of men. But not all of them. My dh was very against perpetuating the cycle of abuse. He was/is happy with leaving our son intact.

To get to that point, your DH already had to come to terms with the fact that he was abused. Most men can't handle the idea that their penis is mutilated.

I thought this article explained it excellently:
The Vulnerability of Men