Are you scared of the thought of having more kids? - Page 2

[ksera05]

I was adament the entire 16 weeks my daughter was in the NICU that we were not going to have another baby for a long time.

I'm now 7 weeks pregnant and it was on purpose. We decided that no matter when we did it, the next pregnancy was going to be incredibly high risk and it was almost certainly going to be our last biological child, so might as well have our kids close together.

Then again, my DD is doing fairly well for a 24 weeker, and I had sudden onset pre-e, not PTL. If she was sicker or if I'd had PTL, I'd have a completely different opinion. Even if this one is full term we're taking steps to make sure we're done for awhile, but if this one is another preemie we're not having any more kids.

It's a really hard decision to make, and it really is absolutely terrifying no matter what you decide, I think.

[mrskennedy]

If I ever have more, I'll have to get a new DH first--support issues, trust issues, emotional issues, he clings to his family more than to me, etc. But since that's unlikely, I guess I won't have any more either. Afraid of trauma, too, but not necessarily preemie trauma. Just people trauma, like I had with DS. Am still getting over that, and 4 MOS PP, I've put my foot down and said no sex, b/c DH won't use condoms, and the pill isn't an option for me, and the IUD has risks I don't want either. Not to mention the fact that I just don't trust DH enough to do anything with him.
to all of you! I hope we all get through this...
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[Jilian]

Mrskennedy: 's to you. I'm sorry you are having trust issues with your DH.

[myjulybabes]

Originally Posted by sandbmom

I must be the odd one out...I have had 2 preemies and 2 difficult pregnancies and we are going to be trying again in september.

Yes I am scared. I know that more than likely I'll deliver early again. I know that more than likely there will be complications. But I have hope that maybe just maybe I won't and if I do I have a great medical team and a great Dh and a wonderful family. I would love to have a home birth and have a midwife and all of that and part of me is angry that I am too 'high risk' for that but, i love my children more than anything and to go through what we went through while stressful and horrible, I would not trade that for not having my babies.

Nah, you're not the only one! My first was a 32 wker, my third was a 36 wker with respiratory distress, both due to pre-eclampsia, and if you look at my sig, you'll see...we're doing it again! : The timing was off from what we planned, but we definitely planned another one. I will grant that our NICU stays were probably about as easy as a NICU stay can be. No surgeries, and after they each got through the first day, there was no fear that they wouldn't make it, etc. It might well have changed my mind if we spent months on end not knowing if we'd ever bring a baby home with us.

But I knew for sure I was ready, and not hoping for some magic "do-over" the day after my nephew was born. His mama also had pre-e, he was born at 31 wks. I went to visit and she was recovering from her c-section, on the magnesium, baby is down in the NICU on a vent, all that miserable stuff I know too well. And even seeing it, and re-living it (she was at the same hospital I had my boys at), I knew that even if that's what it took...I wanted another. It would be worth it to me.

But that was almost 5 years after my youngest, so it definitely took a while! If you're not morally opposed, I'd suggest an IUD. It's long term, there's nothing to remember, like with pills or condoms, and as far as I know, the vast majority of women who chose to concieve again do so easily once it's removed.

[paulaf]

Originally Posted by Jilian

Are these thoughts normal? Did anyone else go through this? Did you end up changing your mind? I feel like the stress I'd experience during pregnancy would be too much and I'd never be able to relax enough to have a healthy pregnancy.

I will never be able to use the words "relax" and "pregnancy" in the same sentence when referring to myself - but I do know you CAN have a healthy baby after 9 straight months of stress. My DD, who is now 6, was a preemie (29.5 weeks, did nearly 10 weeks in the NICU). Then I had 4 miscarriages. On try #5 - which I told DH early on was the last try - we got it right. Despite nine months of sheer hell emotionally, I had the perfect pregnancy PHYSICALLY, and DS was born at 39 weeks and over 8 pounds. Despite extreme stress, my BP never waivered from perfect lavels (unlike with DD). It can work "right" next time! Don't rush into any decisions either way. Consult with a perinatologist before conceiving next time, and more importantly, find a good OB (or midwife, etc) who "gets" your needs emotionally, not just physically. My saint of an OB was what really got me through DS's pregnancy. Because she knew I was so stressed, she started seeing me weekly from 26 weeks on, simply to keep me calm.

Paula