Being a mama ain't easy..

[Iamhappy2BAmom]

Hey gals, just thought I'd check in.

DD just turned 2 weeks and all I can say is being a mama ain't easy. As a first time mom with no "village" support nearby but a PPDoula I am left wondering how there are so many people in the world. It was a tough first week (only made tougher by breast feeding challenges) the second week is a little better, but I constantly am hyper aware of everything and trying to do the right thing when I am walking through uncharted territory and everyone has a valid opinion. Anyway, I just posted on the breastfeeding message board about cluster feeding vs enabling a bad habit- see link below.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...55#post8468455
Just when I thought I was on the right track, my PPdoula tells me I am spoiling the baby by letting her feed on my breast for hours on end.

Maybe I should change my log in name to "lost in the woods."

Anyway, I love my DD so much and want to do things right by her! Whatever that means.

Thanks- just venting.

[sebarnes]

I think you might want to think about firing your PPDoula. Her job is not to tell you how to parent. My dd nursed around the clock, seriously, and meeting her needs in no way "spoiled" her. I really like how Dr. Sears explains that the only way something spoils is if it is left of the shelf too long. FWIW, I totally sympathize with you about stressing about doing everything right, and feeling that motherhood is super hard. I had a bear of a time with DD, and developed very severe ppd. Sometimes hperparanoia and nervousness can be a sign of ppd, so please keep an eye out for that .

[Keeping up]

You aren't spoiling your baby - it isn't possible.

However, as a breastfeeding challenged momma (and I am on #4), I will not allow my babe to nurse on end. I would stop breastfeeding if that was a requirement. I am in constant pain for the first two weeks due to extremely sensitive skin - my MWs keep telling me my latch is fine (as everyone has told me since baby #1), I just crack and bleed because of sensitive & fair skin. I am now almost 2 weeks, I have stopped swearing when he latches. I watch the clock like a hawk to get my 15 minutes in (whenever he wants it - whether that is once every 1.5 hours or once every 4 hours (+) at night). I then try to rock him and soothe him otherwise - if that doesn't work after 20 minutes, then he gets to suckle a bit more. I manage it aggressively though.

So, if I would suggest ... if you are having latch/pain/breast feeding issues, to not let your babe suckle 'for hours on end'. (If it doesn't hurt, and you like it ... go for it!)

The hyper-sensitive is a new mom thing primarily. Telling you to relax won't help you (meant with a smile), so I would just focus on your babe, accept you are a bit nervous/uncertain, and get as much sleep as you can! Then, come ask questions here. We are all in a similar place - just some of us have already done it a few times.

Hugs - it is a tough job(especially without a manual!)

[queenbean]

I agree -- fire that PPDoula. She apparently doesn't know much about nursing. These first six weeks are crucial to establishing your milk supply, so nursing on demand is the ONLY way to go if you want to succeed in your breastfeeding relationship. Babies go through periods where all they want to do is nurse -- sometimes it's a growth spurt, sometimes they're going through something developmentally, and sometimes they just want to nurse. You cannot spoil a baby that young. You can spoil a 5-year-old by buying him every toy that he wants and letting him stay up until 3 am every night. You cannot spoil a baby by allowing him to eat when he needs.

Have you looked into La Leche League? I'm willing to bet that there is a group near you. Go to www.lllusa.org and click the link in the top right corner that says "Find groups in your area", and you can get in touch with a leader. You can attend the meetings for free, get your questions answered, and just BE with other like-minded mamas. If you're not quite ready to go out and about with baby just yet, you can email or call the leaders, and they can give you some advice that way.

But anyway, keep doing what you're doing, mama. And fire that doula. You need someone who actually knows a little bit about nursing, and anyone who says that on-demand nursing will spoil a baby obviously has no clue.

[queenbean]

Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have posted here, since I'm not in this due date club. I'm sorry, I didn't realize. But my advice still stands. Hang in there, mama. Everything's going to be fine.

[boheime]

Fire the PPDoula!

You baby is not being spoiled! She is doing what she needs to help get your supply to what it needs to be. Being on the breast, even if she isn't actively nursing, is still sending signals to yoru body.

A nice little anecdote for you...my ds always cluster fed and would sleep longer stretches at night ( he had a 4 hour stretch from the beginning). My dd didn't do this, and instead nursed a minimum of every two hours round the clock (often much more often than that) for the longest time. She didn't have a three hour stretch at night until she was nearing 2 years old.

[wombatclay]

Hang in there mama...honestly, being a mother is the hardest thing in the world. Everything takes on new meaning and things you thought you "knew" before the babe arrived are suddenly open for debate or a source of concern.

The things that helped me most with my first babe... the Dr Sear's Baby Book, the No Cry Sleep Solution, the kellymom breastfeeding site, and the forums here at mdc. BUT every babe is different and you WILL NOT SPOIL your baby if you listen to your heart and respond to their needs as best as you can.

Just ask yourself "Does this feel right to me?" and "Does it make my babe happy, content, comfortable, safer?" (or whatever the situation might call for). Your ppdoula isn't your babe's mama, she doesn't have the same emotional/physical/spiritual connection that you have with your babe, and obviously her advice has worried you...so it probably wont pass that "does it feel right" test.

Cluster feeding can be so challenging, but it doesn't last forever! If you meet your babe's needs they eventually grow beyond them in a fulfilled way...if you don't meet their needs they may stop asking but that lack will have to be filled in some other way.

hang in there!

[momtokay]

oh mama. looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice. i couldn't read your post without giving you a though. it is so hard to adjust to being a mama. my first is almost 7-years old now and i still vividly remember her first days and weeks. it will get easier. thinking of you!!

[awallrising]

I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that there is any such thing as "spoiling" a brand new baby, whether it's nursing, holding them all the time, cosleeping, etc. Things are little different when baby gets older, but NBs need to have their needs met so they can develop trust.

Your PPDoula needs a reality check. If you don't have other support, you may be hesitant to fire her, but I'd sure say something to her about her comment. Does she understand what attachment parenting is about? I can understand that she may be concerned about all the sucking if your boobs have been hurting, but using the word "spoiled" is just plain wrong. She should just provide constructive advice on how to make BFing smoother.

Wombat mentioned Dr Sears, after having 8 kids of his own, he would most likely disagree with the "spoiling" comment.

A new Mom does not need to hear comments like that. We just need support & positive advice.

Good luck!!