Starting to Worry About Very Small Support Circle

[GiantGi]

I think the reality is starting to set in, that virtually any day now, I will be a Mom of three!! But I am really starting to freak out at the thought of being alone most of the time. Can I do it???

My DH goes in to work around midnight and doesnt get home until noon -2pm five days a week. The other two days a week, he works from 3-7am. He has ZERO time off until August. He will hopefully get the day of the birth off and perhaps the next day.

We live very rural and the closest family is 2 hours away. Closest friends are 30 min. away. The closest neighbors are 5 min. away. Usually we like it this way. But I am starting to worry or maybe even doubt my ability to do this "all by myself". My mom has said she will stay with us for the first week. That will be a huge help.

I have an (almost) 4 year old. A 16 month old. And soon to be newborn. I will be breastfeeding the new babe and worry that the other ones will feel neglected. Especially the 16 month old who is still so very young and I dont think will understand. What happens in the middle of the night when I am nursing and the little one needs me? Or what if they all need me at once?:

Can you tell I am starting to freak out? Thanks for letting me ramble.

[velcromom]

Wow your situation sounds a lot like mine. Family 2+ hours away, most friends at least half hour... one or two friends closer. I don't know exactly who I'm going to call but I need to start having more detailed conversations with anyone I might feel like calling...

It will be such a help to have someone around for the first week, that's great. I am hoping that between my dh's time off, my sister and my mom, I can get that or maybe more.

I'm having mom of three anxiety too. My oldest is about to turn 16 though so I keep telling myself it's more like being a mom of two over again, heh heh.

[2much2luv]

I am starting to freak out myself. I had this birth all planned out, penciled in on my calender and everything, when it struck me that I probably WON'T be able to get back to life as usual immediately after the birth. Not that I even really know when the birth will be. Anyway, Hang in there. Start setting up whatever support you can now . . . maybe family can bring meals in turns or come clean your house or play with the big kids for a day. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Also look into what you'll have to eat for those first few weeks. . . make sure you're well fed and have whatever supplements you might need on hand. It is so easy to neglect our most basic needs when we are overwhelmed with the care of others. For what it's worth, my transition to three was about two billion times easier than the transition to two. A lot of it had to do with the personalities of those babies, but there was also more experience on my part with balancing needs. So don't panic. You'll do great.
If finances allow I wouldn't hesitate to hire some cleaning help. I'd also go shopping for some super fun new things (toys, easy crafts, fun snacks, movies, new music) to keep the big kiddos busy.
I'm starting to ramble but one more thing . . . I noticed that my bigger kids seemed to mature into their role as big sisters pretty quickly. My first two were 18 months apart and my second and third were 2 years apart. Each of the older siblings showed maturity and respect toward the new baby and its needs even at those young ages, and they were even able to give me the extra space I needed to mother that baby. Pretty well anyway. So don't underestimate what your big kiddos can understand and do for you.

[GiantGi]

Thanks for the kind words you two!

I know I dont post often as I am very shy and as soon as I post I consider deleting it. Although it certainly helps to get it off my chest. You really made me feel better.

[jee'smom]

I completely understand where you're coming from! This is my third also (although, I still nurse my 2 1/2 yo, which is a blessing, b/c he can still feel close to me without me actually doing anything and get one-on-one time). I think it will be crazy, trying to meet everyone's needs. I get nuts when the two of them cry and need me at the same time. I just sit there and finish doing what I'm doing/take care of what's bothering them, very methodically, like a robot, and try the best I can, so I don't freak out (like I did a couple of times when ds was newborn and dd was only 2yo). Good luck!

[DoulaClara]

Mab, just wanted to give you a hug. We're all here for you, and although we can't do something helpful like occupy the other little ones, or clean a kitchen, we can be great idea bouncer-offers! Please don't be shy about posting~ we'd love to get to know you!

Clara

[GiantGi]

Originally Posted by DoulaClara

Mab, just wanted to give you a hug. We're all here for you, and although we can't do something helpful like occupy the other little ones, or clean a kitchen, we can be great idea bouncer-offers! Please don't be shy about posting~ we'd love to get to know you!

Clara

Thank you Clara!!

[imgr8ful]

this is number 3 for me too and i'm scared shitless, lol! ds1 turned 3 in april and ds2 will be 2 in sept. luckily, dh is a teacher and is off until the beginning of august, so i'll have him around for a little bit...

[Lissybug]

Originally Posted by DoulaClara

Mab, just wanted to give you a hug. We're all here for you, and although we can't do something helpful like occupy the other little ones, or clean a kitchen, we can be great idea bouncer-offers! Please don't be shy about posting~ we'd love to get to know you!

Clara

: Sometimes just having other people to talk/write to can make you feel less alone. And probably you saw, but I think we'll be having a yahoo group after the MDC club is gone, so you can come over there too.

[GiantGi]

Originally Posted by Lissybug

: Sometimes just having other people to talk/write to can make you feel less alone. And probably you saw, but I think we'll be having a yahoo group after the MDC club is gone, so you can come over there too.

Great to know! Thanks again everyone