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I don't think I can make this work. - Page 2

post #21 of 30
Thread Starter 
I'm doing better. My sister really came through for me. (I think she thought I was going to go off the deep end and do something really drastic!) She called the local parent support services and they sent out someone to help me figure out what I should be doing. and I realized that it is okay to hire help (babysitters, mother's helpers, etc) even if both my partner and I are home to just be an extra set of hands for the older kids.

I also realized that these kids will not sleep in a crib. (I was insistent that they would. I WAS NOT going to cosleep with them like I did with the other kids. My older kids are 6 and 4 and still can't sleep through the night- I blame the family bed.) Sleeping with them makes each day manageable, even if it may make things harder in the long run, kwim? Anyone wanna buy two really cute, unused bassinets? They have all the bells and whistles!!! But we added another mattress to the 'big bed' and had a decent (enough) night's sleep last night.

I know I can make it through the day and will just face tomorrow as it comes. But we all know that what works today may not work tomorrow.: Thanks again for the well wishes. It also feel good to know that I'm not a complete failure and that other people have struggled too. It is hard to find people irl who will admit that.
post #22 of 30
I am glad you are doing better. I co-slept with my twins until they were 13 months and then I night weaned them because I needed to sleep better. If I hadn't co-slept with them I never would have gotten any sleep at all!!!!!
post #23 of 30
So glad you're feeling better! Realizing you don't have to do this alone is huge!!

Our first 6 weeks or so were a breeze, babies slept all the time (they were 6 weeks early), had either my MIL or DH home with me. I thought, "man this is easy." Then the help stopped, DH went back to work and DD developed colic. Meanwhile my son, who I'd just gotten to breastfeed (very week suck from birth) started to not nurse so well. It was a hellish 3 weeks. Things are now just starting to look up, each day gets a bit easier. It will for you too.

As for co-sleeping, yeah it's a must. I hadn't planned or wanted to co-sleep with the twins. My DD will only sleep right next to me and half the time DS is in bed with us too. Doing what works and what'll get us through the day.
post #24 of 30
Originally Posted by mumm View Post
Sleeping with them makes each day manageable, even if it may make things harder in the long run, kwim?
First off

Second, I say when it comes to twins do whatever it takes to make things easier in the short-run, esp. in those early months. We had a king sized bed, a bassinet, a crib in our room, and a crib in the room across the hall. We were ready for any sleeping eventuality and we have used them all!! With lots of help from my dh we have gradually transitioned them to their own beds in their own room. Gus made the final leap about 2 months ago, and we've never looked back.

You're doing great and never, ever feel guilty about asking for help. I have found that those first few months are a bit like the pain of labor, the really hard parts fade from your memory and you only remember your sweet babies.
post #25 of 30
s: those were some of the roughest times. i looked at my 31/2 yr old and thought "how am i ever going to have time for her again?" "what have i done?"

when people would visit i'd put on a happy face and when they'd ask how are you doing, then i'd cry...

it does get better but you really really need rest and sleep. somehow some way...
post #26 of 30
Originally Posted by AmyY View Post
It gets better. Don't look too far ahead right now. If everyone in the house is still alive in five minutes you're doing well. Then look ahead to the next five minutes. Try not to worry too much about the intense crying - it seems to be a "thing" with the twin post-partum hormones.

Who is helping you? No one should be allowed to walk in the door of your house without bringing you food, cut up already, on a plate, a bottle of water, and a napkin. Then they should be heading off to fold your laundry while entertaining your older ones.

It's really really tough to have an end to your pregnancy that you didn't want. You're not a failure. You're a success. It's just hard, and intense. Not sleeping is incredibly difficult. You will survive. For now, do it in tiny, tiny, tiny increments.

Hugs. It will get better.
This exactly. And many (((hugs))) from someone who had a horrible failed induction/C-section. I know the disappointment and feelings of failure. But you are NOT a failure - your carried and birthed - however they arrived - two beautiful little souls who will be fine throughout all the drama and inevitable mistakes. Give yourself the credit you deserve even if you don't feel you deserve it. And when you get a chance, read the chapter on Healing from the "silent Knife" book - you can apply it to any birth situation. And congratulations! (((hugs)))
post #27 of 30
Originally Posted by DanAbimytwomiracle View Post
But you are NOT a failure - your carried and birthed - however they arrived - two beautiful little souls who will be fine throughout all the drama and inevitable mistakes.
You carried twins to full term--that alone is an amazing accomplishment. You are absolutely NOT a failure.

Michelle G.
post #28 of 30
You are an amazing woman for carrying twins. Please don't feel like a failure. You've accomplished an amazing feat.

I don't believe much in conventional medicine but I was so anxious I asked for an RX to help take the edge off. I don't know how you feel about medicines, but I am managing much better than I was before. Don't be afraid to ask for help and and even be aggressive in making family and friends come by your home to help you.

to you.
post #29 of 30
First of all, congratulations!
I don't have multiples, but I do co-sleep in the beginning just to get my sleep, then start transitioning out of the bed to the crib gradually by 1 year. It's worked for all 3 of my very different babies. Might be something to consider.
I'm gonna PM you too!

- Krista
post #30 of 30

It DOES get better. Around 6 months, when the babies can sit and entertain themselves for a dash (playing with a rattle or a "busy box" etc.) it gets a lot better, IMO.

Here are the things that made me feel better in my darkest hours (some kind of morbid, some not):

1.) Time will pass no matter what. The sun will set, the moon will rise, the sun will rise again... time marches on. "This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass." should be your mantra.

2.) If you were living 1000 years ago, you NEVER would be expected to care for twins by yourself. You would either would have given one away to a childless couple or to your sister to raise, or you would have someone else nurse the 2nd twin, or (sad but true) you would have left the weaker/smaller one to die from exposure on a rocky cliff somewhere. What you're doing isn't natural and you have absolutely no reason to put the kind of pressure and expectations on yourself as you might with "just one." You are already superwoman for making it this far and it DOES get better.

3.) 5 years from now, you will look back on these days and feel tremendous pride for having made it through AND having done such a great job at it. You will only remember the good with any clarity and the bad will just fade away.

4.) You have to work really really really really hard to mess up your babies, lol (as an AP mama I'm talking). Feed them, change their diapers, clothe them, and hold them. On the days you're at your wits end and totally exhausted they won't know you're just going through the motions. By the time they're old enough to notice mama is exhausted, you won't be anymore.

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