Water Safety? (CC'ers especially :) )

[ent_mom]

How do you handle water safety with preschoolers, especially if you practice the continuum concept approach?

I made a terrible mistake, and I feel like the worst mom ever. DD seems to have recovered emotionally, and didn't have any physical consequences, but here's what happened.

It was our first time to our local Lake this season, and DD has been to the Lake on a regular basis the previous 2 summers. DD was about 3 - 4 strides away from me in belly-deep water. She lost her footing and went under. I was watching her as it happened and thought, she has been able to stand back up before. If I go rushing to her she'll get scared and loose her confidence. But she went under again and I thought, uh oh she can't get her footing. I scooped up DS (who was playing at the water's edge) and went to her, by this time she had been under a total of 3 times. : How terrifying for her! It was like watching some kind of horrific slow motion movie. It really upset her for the rest of the day and night, lots of tears. I feel like the worst mom ever. I really hope I haven't scarred her for life, and set her up for a life long water fear. I am hoping to make amends with swim lessons.

It's been about a week now since it happened, and she hasn't brought it up for probably about 4 days now. I know I made a mistake, but I want to proceed in such a way as to empower her. She's grown up with water, and knows of course not to go out in the water over her head yet.

When this all happened, I remained calm and empathized with her (and lots of hugs), and told her she needs to learn to swim underwater, and I will teach her. So next time she looses her footing she'll just have fun swimming under the water with all the fish.

What would you have done before this all happened and what would you have done if such an event had happened?

[graye_pearl]

if she hasn't mentioned it again, i'm sure she's pretty much over the event. you handled it really well by talking to her about it and encouraging her to learn to swim underwater (which you can teach her).

my best suggestion is to get her a "safety seal." it's a swim trainer that has removable floats - one that covers the front, one that covers the back. It has a velcro strap that comes between the legs (that way it can't ride up and get in his face like regular life jackets do). it allows my ds freedom to move about naturally so he can continue to learn to swim comfortably. I got it at target on sale for about 10$.

my ds jumped into the pool the other day without his safety seal on by accident (he is normally very cautious and never would've jumped without it knowingly) - he had forgotten he took it off for snack time, and jumped back into the pool without asking my permission. i had to jump in after him, but didn't get there immediately as it caught me by surprise and i had to put dd down safely before i could get him. he talked about it for a few days too, but now he's over it and couldn't wait to get back into the water.

[alegna]

to the OP- sounds like you did everything right.

I would NOT suggest a float of any sort. As you saw- that builds a false confidence.

My dd will be 3 in August and swims well. She's been in lessons since she was 12 months.

-Angela

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by ent_mom

She lost her footing and went under. I was watching her as it happened and thought, she has been able to stand back up before. If I go rushing to her she'll get scared and loose her confidence. But she went under again and I thought, uh oh she can't get her footing. I scooped up DS (who was playing at the water's edge) and went to her, by this time she had been under a total of 3 times. :

I don't understand exactly what happened. She went under 3 times, each time coming up for a minute, and then going under again?

I really hope I haven't scarred her for life, and set her up for a life long water fear.

You haven't! She will be more cautious, but being cautious around water when you can't swim is a good thing. It was a learning experience, but not something that she will carry around for ever.

I know I made a mistake, but I want to proceed in such a way as to empower her.

Then let it go. As long as this is about your *mistake* it is about you, not her. This is about her and her process of learning to enjoy water. Making it about you takes away her power.

[QUOTEWhat would you have done before this all happened and what would you have done if such an event had happened?[/QUOTE]

Ideally, I would have started moving toward DC in a calm manner, knowing that they would be fine but that part of them being fine might mean me lifting them out of the water. (Even typing that I know how hard it is to remain calm in such a situation).

<<If I go rushing to her she'll get scared and loose her confidence>>

Although I think you are on the right path, you are still letting fear control your actions. You were afraid that if you did something it would make her scared. I think that kids have parents for a reason and that we can do things -- but that acting out of fear just breds more fear. So to tweak your and your DD experience, I would suggest adding in faith that she will be OK, and faith that your gut level reactions can be calm and reassuring to her.

Focus on what went right -- focus on the fact that she is safe, that she learned something from the experience, that you took the appropriate action, that she wants to learn to swim now, and so on. Help her focus on the positives as well, and she will be empowered.

I also would let swimming lessons be her choice.

[bdavis337]

I'm not a cc parent, but I've taught swimming for over 12 years in a variety of settings, and my own 6 year old was swimming on his own before the age of 2. My 2 year old is getting accustomed to the water this year, and so far he loves it.

Floats just build false confidence, and they teach children that they need help in the water, and can't do it on their own. This is of course a massive generalization and some children do benefit from them (usually kids with extreme fear to overcome before moving forward) but overall, floaties do more harm than good. If you child likes floaties, then it's ok to use them but do spend some time without them each time you swim. Hold your child gently and softly under the arms, and allow her body to float just below the surface, as this is how we naturally float. Swish around, sing songs and blow bubbles together. This is a far more natural position in the water, even though it is still supported, than what water wings, ring floats and flotation suits provide.

When your child falls into or goes under the water, it's of course going to surprise them, and even frighten some. Calmly lift them up, get right down to eye level and say something gentle like "did you float? I saw you floating, were you surprised by that? Oh, here, let's get the hair out of your face...". Don't panic yourself - excessive reaction almost always breeds fear even if there was none to begin with. I know it's hard not to, especially if you're not a swimmer yourself. But in all truthfulness, your child will not drown from a few seconds of "floating" if you're right there and help them quickly and calmly. Rushing and concern only need happen if they are obviously in distress or have been underwater for longer than about 10 seconds.

If your child has had a bad or scary experience in the water, let them determine how fast they move forward from here. Zero depth entry pools, lakes and beaches are fantastic for building water confidence. Swim lessons aren't so great, imo, for kids who are scared or unsure. Work with them yourselves to get them blowing bubbles, walking on their hands in shallow water, pouring water over their heads, splashing, etc. Once you've reached this point, basic entry level lessons in a GOOD ENVIRONMENT with small classes and good instructors are then appropriate.

Have fun in the water!

[graye_pearl]

I'm really glad I looked at this post again - I obviously haven't read up on flotation devices offering false confidence...which makes total sense now that I think about why my ds jumped into the pool. :

Is there an alternative then, when we're in a pool that has no parts shallow enough for him to wade in? I also have a three month old, and wearing her in a water sling is an option (I have a solarveil sling). But, she may not want to be in the water as long as ds, ya know? I guess what I'm asking then is: is it okay to use the flotation device when I can't be in there with him, or would avoiding it completely be the better route?

[alegna]

The only floatation device that I would be okay being more than an arms-length from a non-swimmer would be a regulation life-vest.

-Angela

[bdavis337]

I agree with Angela.

If you've got a baby in a water wrap and you're in adult standing-depth water, I see no harm in using a float if you're in the water WITH HIM. But, if you're not in with him, nothing short of a life vest is appropriate. Think about water wings - if one of them pops, then he's crooked and submerged and can't surface. If he wiggles out of a ring floatie and you've turned your back to say 'hello' to someone, he's at the bottom......unless you're in with him, floats just aren't worth it.

[Linda on the move]

My kids are 9 and 10 and both swim on a team, but they started out very differently.

One started swim lessons when she was 2, loved every minute of it, never wore a flotation device and was a heck of a swimmer from the time she was quite young.

My other DD was afraid of water, tried swim lessons but hated them (so we let her stop) and spent a lot of time in a swim suit with built in floats so that she could really play and have fun in the water. Eventually she decided she wanted to learn to swim, so she learned quite quickly (went from not putting her head under without holding her nose to being able to do all 4 competitive strokes in less than a month).

Because they are different people, we did things differently and they both turned out fine. What keeps a small child safe in the water is the watchful eye of the parent. Do what works for your child -- it doesn't have to be the same thing that works for anyone else's child.

[Fuamami]

Well, in The Continuum Concept, doesn't she talk about how the parents would dip their kids in the fast moving stream so that they would be too scared to go near the river? I swear I read an excerpt with that. So I wouldn't really recommend using TCC as a model!

[alllyssa]

I'm also a former lifeguard and competitive swimmer - I also have 5 children and physically cannot and do not want to hold them in the pool for 5 hours straight. I want to lay on the lounge chair and watch them jump in and out of the pool and have fun and enjoy the day. This is why I love floaties! I don't care which kind you use because they are all basically the same thing. In 16 years, I've never had a floatie pop, maybe slowly leak air, but that is pretty obvious when you are blowing the thing up :-)

I also know 4 people personally who have lost children to drowning, so I suppose I may be more cautious than some, but I would never have my non-swimming children around any water without some type of flotation protection. It's too easy to be distracted. I don't care one bit if it takes them an extra year to learn how to swim - at least they are safe and having fun - and I'm not stressed out, nervous that they are going to fall in or go deeper than they can handle.

Don't beat yourself up,