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my neighbors tie their teenager to the chair?! - Page 3

post #41 of 81
I have to strongly disagree with EVERYONE who said not to call the cops and CPS.

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was a teenager- I AM NOT BIPOLAR. It was a misdiagnoses. I was misdiagnosed because I APPEARED bipolar because of my acting out. My acting out that was caused by my mother abusing me. She'd slam my head off of doors, cabinets, the floor. Twist my arms. It's something that I still hurt from.

I called the cops myself NUMEROUS times. I would have loved it if they actually helped me The cops in this area SUCK.

My point is- you don't know she's actually bipolar. Bipolar or not, she does not deserve to be treated that way. Even if she IS bipolar and she lashes out at her family and she hits and kicks them and whathaveyou, they STILL HAVE NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER TO HARM HER. You can FORCE a minor into counseling. They do not have to consent so that is the biggest BS excuse ever.

You need to call the cops and CPS. I was alone. Nobody would call for me. What stopped it all was the day my mother nearly broke my brothers neck, I pulled her off of him and beat the crap out of her like there was no tomorrow...

My point there is if you don't help her, things can and will get out of control and she may not be able to stop herself as I was. OR her parents may be the ones to go too far.

Tying her to a chair is 100% unacceptable especially because you said they use it as a means to keep her from leaving at night- that to me indicates that she's left to sleep like that. What if she has to use the restroom? Why the hell should she be forced to sleep in a chair? If she does indeed have a chemical imbalance, they are making things WORSE.

You NEED to call the cops and CPS. She's 17, even if she goes in foster care, she won't be there long. There's a pretty good chance though that they'll just help her out on her own.

All of you who said not to call, really, think about that? What if she gets so fed up with it that she snaps and kills her parents? Something a phone call could have prevented. Or if she tries to fight back and they kill her? Please, PLEASE don't make this poor girl continue to be treated like this.

It's not fair to her and she doesn't deserve it.

I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH A CHILD MISBEHAVES. THEY NEVER, AND I MEAN, NEVER DESERVE TO BE ABUSED.

ETA: My mom IS bipolar. She was very ill at the time that our troubles happened. I just wanted to mention that she found great meds and is MUCH MUCH MUCH better now.
post #42 of 81
My brother & sister have mental illnesses, when they get out of control, you hold them (in hugging way) and even if they hit you, because of whatever, you don't hit them back, or tie them in a chair, or choke them.
I am really so alarmed by what I read, and actually dumb founded that people don't call cops on people that abuse.

How would you feel, if you were abused, and no one did a thing? Everyone just watched it happen. How would you feel, if this happeneds again, and its too late, it went too far, and she is death, and you had a chance to do something, and you didn't?
Abuse is dangerous, it can end up in DEATH!
post #43 of 81
As someone who grew up being abused, please call the cops. I wish someone would've called called for me. If she has mental issues it will be figured out and she'll get helped.
post #44 of 81
Soybeansmama, I think you are doing a wonderful job. The letter and the bread and your support is more than most people would do.


Also, I would think that the mom's reception of that letter is a GOOD sign for growth/improvement.


I agree with the anti-CPS people, though. If it really does escalate in the future, you are much better off calling the police. They have less authority to RUIN someone's life, but most people see them as more of an authority figure. CPS is just sneaky and subversively able to ruin families and lives.

Best of luck!
post #45 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by MidgeMommy View Post

I agree with the anti-CPS people, though. If it really does escalate in the future, you are much better off calling the police. They have less authority to RUIN someone's life, but most people see them as more of an authority figure. CPS is just sneaky and subversively able to ruin families and lives.

Best of luck!

Not going to squabble over whether CPS is subverisve and ruinous or not, but just an FYI, if you call the cops, CPS WILL be called if they determine foul play involving a minor. it is standard protocol. So call the police if you like, CPS will still be notified. Cops do not have the time or resources or authority to do anything more than write the report, foward it to a detective if necessary and then forward it to the county attorney's office.The cops job only is to determine if a crime has been committed, not to help a family with a problematic child. That is CPS's job.
post #46 of 81
I agree with calling the police. The biggest thing that sticks out to me is that if the dad is willing to put in in a choke hold and be really physical with her outside in the yard then my gosh, you have to wonder what he does in the privacy of his own home. I am sure it isn't gentle disapline! I think it is good to let the girl know that you are there to help her, but having your home to stay in doesn't do her any good if she is tied to a chair and can't get out of her parent's home, you know? I don't know that I would even wait to see something again... I think it would be good to call and tell the things that you have seen so far and let them look into it some more. I worry for that girl. What if she isn't really bipolar but is acting up do to the abuse? If someone tied me to a chair I think I would be acting up too. And if it is that dangerous for her right now to be unrestrained, then I think that she should be checked into a hospital to have her medications fixed.
post #47 of 81
I see your in modesto, ca. So I googled a site up for you, might be a good thing to read and call..........http://www.kidsdata.org/index.jsp
post #48 of 81
post #49 of 81
In the last website that I shared with ya, it clearly says:

child abuse:

Extreme punishment
Confinement to a closet or dark room, tying to a chair for long periods of time, or terrorizing a child.
post #50 of 81
I agree completely with aprildawn.
post #51 of 81
Thread Starter 
kmisje, thanks for the links!! My mom works for social services and we visited tonight. She had some good advice.

Thanks midgemommy for the support!
Jessica
post #52 of 81
I think that you personally should not get involved. Unless you are trained on how to deal with situations like this, you could make it worse.

I would personally call the authorities and allow them to do their job and help the family.

It is a sticky situation, but calling the cops or cps is the only thing you should do. You don't know exactly what there situation is, so you would be going off of what you think is happening and that could cause some unneeded trouble.

Please call the cops.
post #53 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by soybeansmama View Post
It's confusing to me because her mom actually works with troubled teens at a continuation high school. : ...
I had a friend who's mom was a child psych, and her family was one of the most dysfunctional I've ever experienced. I agree, call social services/the cops. Good for you to offer a cooling out place.
post #54 of 81
Wow, that is disturbing. No wonder she keeps sneaking out! I wouldn't want to live there either.
I would consider that child abuse and would call Child Protective Services and let them handle it.

I understand how you would want to keep the peace with your neighbors, but you might save that girl from something horrible by calling the authorities.
post #55 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by MidgeMommy View Post
I agree with the anti-CPS people, though. If it really does escalate in the future, you are much better off calling the police. They have less authority to RUIN someone's life, but most people see them as more of an authority figure. CPS is just sneaky and subversively able to ruin families and lives.
Have you ever actually called the cops in a situation like this? Have you ever witnessed something like this? Have you ever been involved with CPS? NONE of what you said is true.

CPS ignored me most of the time and didn't try to "ruin" my family. I WANTED to leave because I was being beaten and instead of removing me, they tried their best to help my mom. Furthermore, the cops WILL call CPS if there are signs of abuse. They legally have to.

Further more, the cops tried to ruin my dads life. My mom beat my dad as well and the cops pretty much told my dad that it's IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to beat her husband and that if he didn't keep his mouth shut they were going to arrest him. He did NOTHING. My dad is the one who freaking called the cops to protect himself, my brother and me and the police turned around and threatened him. COPS CAN AND DO RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

CPS is not sneaky. I really don't have any idea where you get that from. I hate CPS but I wouldn't call them sneaky. IME, they try to help the family before removing anyone. How is that sneaky? Your information is a bit off...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
I agree with calling the police. The biggest thing that sticks out to me is that if the dad is willing to put in in a choke hold and be really physical with her outside in the yard then my gosh, you have to wonder what he does in the privacy of his own home. I am sure it isn't gentle disapline! I think it is good to let the girl know that you are there to help her, but having your home to stay in doesn't do her any good if she is tied to a chair and can't get out of her parent's home, you know? I don't know that I would even wait to see something again... I think it would be good to call and tell the things that you have seen so far and let them look into it some more. I worry for that girl. What if she isn't really bipolar but is acting up do to the abuse? If someone tied me to a chair I think I would be acting up too. And if it is that dangerous for her right now to be unrestrained, then I think that she should be checked into a hospital to have her medications fixed.
The bolded is what I said in my PP. I was diagnosed as bipolar because I was acting out. I am NOT bipolar. Since moving out, I have NO symptoms whatsoever. There is nothing mentally wrong with me but it APPEARED that way because of the abuse.

Now I have this to say- if you know the abuse is happening and you don't call anyone- you're just as responsible. That sounds harsh but every single person who KNEW I was getting abused by my mom and sat back and did nothing was just as much to blame because they KNEW about it and didn't help. In other words, they allowed it to keep happening. You need to call the cops and CPS. If you don't feel comfortable talking to CPS, the cops will call for you.
post #56 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by zzwhitejd View Post
I agree completely with aprildawn.



So do I.
post #57 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by DBassett View Post
I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was a teenager- I AM NOT BIPOLAR. It was a misdiagnoses. I was misdiagnosed because I APPEARED bipolar because of my acting out. My acting out that was caused by my mother abusing me. <snip> My point is- you don't know she's actually bipolar. Bipolar or not, she does not deserve to be treated that way.
I had wanted to mention this too. She may not be bipolar!!! I would probably ACT or FEEL bipolar in that situation!

Also, if she is bipolar, being in this situation could push her to kill herself.

Don't wait for next time. Next time someone could be dead. I say call the cops and cps now.
post #58 of 81
I've been asked to edit my original post. Too bad.

In a nutshell.


If you (the general you) think that your rights as a parent are more important than the rights of an abused minor child, then clearly you have not grasped the concept of gentle discipline. If you can read about a child being dragged, being put in a chokehold, being tied to a chair, and think 'Hmph, Cops and CPS will just make it worse', you need to do some reading and some SERIOUS self-examination.

That attitude is no different than parents who say, "IT's my right to spank and nobody better interfere". Only, actually, 10x worse.

I could cry at some of the responses on this thread. I could seriously cry.
post #59 of 81
Wow! I am really shocked by all of the people who think that this situation doesn't warrant Police or CPS involvment.

I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive home. I endured things and went through treatment that no child should ever have to go through.

My parents were "well off, and pillars of the community" so nobody would ever bother to call when they saw abuse or saw the evidence of it.

I was treated in much the same way as this girl, confined to small areas for days on end etc. I became very depressed and had thoughts of suicide. I felt as if no one in the whole world cared what happened to me.

I was a good kid and didn't act out or misbehave. I was just my parent's punching bag and scapegoat.

I tried numerous times to get help by writing in my english class journals about the abuse. These were the journals we had to turn in. Did any of those teachers ever try to help me? No

I finally went to my school counselor for help. I told her what was going on in my house. I assumed that she would help me.

She called my parents and told them everything I said! They came and picked me up from school and took me home. You do not want to know the hell I endured for several days after that.

Please help this poor girl. Call someone who can do something to protect her.
post #60 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalenandEllasmomma View Post
Wow! I am really shocked by all of the people who think that this situation doesn't warrant Police or CPS involvment.
I agree, if you replaced the word Teenager with "Wife" or "Toddler" the reactions would be EXTREMLY different. We live in a society that hates teenagers, and I don't really understand why.
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