My DD is possessed by demons - Page 2

[mom22girls]

[QUOTE=CrunchyParent;8486380]II'm not sure if the exercise worked because it shifted her focus, gave her a sense of control, or just gave her what she had initially wanted (to ride her trike out front). In any case, it stopped this particular fit from escalating, and I'll take each victory that I get!
QUOTE]

Amen sister, whatever brings peace to your household!!!

I remember when my dd was about 4.5 and she said she'd "kill me"" (where TF did she get that???!!) if I didn't let her do XYZ. I told her that if she killed me, she would have to wear black to my funeral - now for a pink-wearin' princess, black is not where it's at. She never brought "killing me" up again.

[mommy2abigail]

CrunchyParent: I remember 'running' away from home too at about that age. My mom was on the phone and I was miffed that she wasn't paying attention to me, so I paked my belongings in a knapsack and walked out the door, make sure of course that she saw me. She watched, waved bye, and continued her conversation. We lived in NY, in an apartment building, ad once out the door, I still couldn't get outside, since I didn't have the key. So I came back home. How cool that you were able to walk it through with her, and get to the root of the problem which seemed to be wanting independence instead of getting stuck on her acting out. What a very valuable thing for us to remember!

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by tiffani

the beauty of it, though, is that kids don't want to be excluded, and it rarely gets to the point where you have to exclude them -- we don't do any form of time out, but if my son is hurting kids, or playing in a way that is threatening to hurt kids, we will have to leave, plain and simple -- it's not fair to the other kids, and the same holds true for other adults, including the parents! I think it's a very valid, important lesson to learn that if someone is treating you badly, you get yourself away from them, and I do that if my son is "mean" to me -- I never actually get to the point where I have to physically move away from him, or where we have to leave our friends(though I have once, and after that, he knew I meant that we would, in fact leave if he couldn't control himself) because he truly WANTS to "behave" and get along well with everyone -- Of course, it has to be coupled with "you seem to be feeling badly, what can I do to help?" but for sure, we will leave if he is out of control. It's not a punishment, it's just the way it goes -- I would leave and head to a park or something, not as a "lesson" just because "if you can't treat people well, you can't be around people -- let's talk about it and try again next time."

anyway, in a situation where we were with family, I would take my child *nicely* to another room to talk it over, and let them know that we would have to go if they couldn't be nice, or the two of you would have to stay in the room instead of being with everyone. And sometimes, if there are other adults around (family members or anyone else who you may feel uptight parenting around) kids act really crazy -- a few minutes alone with mama might help them out a lot.

i agree with you. i don't punish my children or demean them, but if their behavior is not acceptable for the social setting we are in, the natural consequence is to separate ourselves. we don't always leave (but we have), but we will excuse ourselves into a private room where i or my husband can talk to our child...or some cases both children. they are much more receptive to this too, because they would feel very embarrassed if i tried to talk to them with other family or friends there to hear. i just know i would not want to be hit by my own children...let alone someone elses. i feel the same way about my children too. i don't want to see them hit by other kids, yk?

PS - towsonmama, I LOVE THE POTION IDEA SO MUCH!!!! I'm so happy it seems to be working for your dd, and i think it will be a very special thing that she will remember as an adult! I hope you will continue to post with updates!

[AdInAZ]

Wow! This is me as well! My daughter is newly 5, newly a big sister, and newly without her grandma (In Europe for 3 months). We have been having problems for about a month. But yesterdays meltdown was the worst. She hit me and her dad which caught me off guard since she hasn't done that since she was a toddler. She screamed for her grandma and said she would never listen to us again. All because we made her choose white shoes (instead of red with flashing lights) at the shoestore to go with her flower girl dress for my sisters upcoming wedding. We ended up leaving the store without buying any shoes. Honestly I could care less what shoes she wears. Perhaps my daughter knows this because she always picks out her own crazy shoes. But my sister would care. I guess it turned into a power struggle. I;ve thought of much I could have done differently to have avoided the meltdown. Today she seems much better. She is in preschool this morning, but this afternoon I plan on making cookies with her. This is something she loves to do and has been asking to do, but I;ve had to decline because of demands of new baby. Hopefully, this extra attention will help her. Perhaps we will start a values chart as well and catch her doing good works and attitudes to reinforce positive behavior. Has anyone else tried a values chart? I saw it mentioned once on this board, but I've no experience with it.

[towsonmama]

Originally Posted by CrunchyParent

She then "I'm going to make you angrier and angrier until you are dead and I can do what I want." (ouch).

I've been threatened with death too. It hurts. Who knew these kinds of things would come out of their mouths? I remember holding my newborn and thinking she was the sweetest angel on earth! (She still can be, in my eyes, but I now know I'm not objective.)

[towsonmama]

Originally Posted by AdInAZ

This is something she loves to do and has been asking to do, but I;ve had to decline because of demands of new baby. Hopefully, this extra attention will help her. Perhaps we will start a values chart as well and catch her doing good works and attitudes to reinforce positive behavior. Has anyone else tried a values chart?

It's so hard finding a balance when a new one enters the family. My DD has two younger siblings and I've noticed it takes me almost a year with each new baby to finally feel like I can attend to all of them equally. You'll find your groove though; it does happen!

I haven't seen a values chart. I'll definitely be checking back to see if anyone chimes in.

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by CrunchyParent

I LOOOVED the title of your post (mostly because I thought I had written it). My DD is just about 4.5 years and she too has been putting me through my paces recently. This afternoon we got home from an errand and the baby had fallen asleep in the car. DD#1 got out first and asked if she could ride her tricycle around for a while before dinner. I said that she could, but first I needed her to go in the house because the baby had fallen asleep and I needed to get her settled in her bed, and it wasn't safe for her to be riding her trike out front without an adult. After the baby was in bed, I could come outside with #1 while she rode her trike. Well, she threw such a massive fit that it woke the baby. The natural consequence was that now I would not be available to stay outside with her because the baby was awake and cranky, I was cranky, and it's physically difficult for me to run after DD around the cul du sac with a wiggly grumpy #2 on my hip.

Oh goodness. She pitched a fit. On the floor, screaming, throwing things. I tried to encourage her to engage in activities to calm herself down and help her make better choices, e.g. listen to music, draw, sing a song, play piano, take a walk in the back yard (all of which are anger management strategies that we've discussed before in calmer times). She covered her ears screaming, "I'm not hearing you! I'm not listening to you! I won't calm down and make better choices! I'm frustrated and I'm getting angrier! TRICYCLE!!!!! TRIIIICYCLEEEEE!" She then "I'm going to make you angrier and angrier until you are dead and I can do what I want." (ouch).

Well, I took that opportunity to inform her that when she grew up and had her own home she could make her own decisions, and I didnt even need to be dead. Something clicked there and she said that she was ready to move out. So we brainstormed how we would make that work (Where will you live? What will you eat? etc.) She reasoned that since it was warm out, she could live ok outside by our driveway. She expressed concerns about what to do if cars came down the road and decided that she would run into our garage to be safe. We discussed food options and she settled on packing a banana, a snack bar, and a sippy cup of rice milk into her back pack. After much consideration she decided that the brown rice pasta was impractical travel food because she would need a pot to cook it. I gave her a big hug and a kiss and told her that I would miss her (by now she was saying that she'd only be gona a few days and would miss me too). She bid her sister farewell, asked me to help her open the garage door, and took her tricycle out to the front. I stayed inside with my fingers crossed and an discrete eye on her from the windows. She rode her trike on the sidewalk between our driveway and the neighboring houses on each side. She sat on the ground for a bit, ate her banana, and then came home calm, loving, and refreshed.

Oh my, are the planets aligned in a particular way right now that makes children nuts? I went through this last night with my 4 year old daughter. She threw the mother of all tantrums, her face 5 shades of purple,complete with shrieking at the top of her lungs, "NO MAMA NO!" because I told her we couldn't go out for ice cream because of her poor attitude. It was 90 degrees out so all the windows were open and I am positive the neighbors heard her. DCF is going to show up at my house soon I know it.

[AdInAZ]

Hmmm... maybe it was called a "virtue chart"...

[towsonmama]

UPDATE: It should be illegal how well this potion works! I wonder how long it will last.

DD had a grumpy moment this morning with her younger sister and when I said something about it she said "I guess I need some good behavior potion." Since I gave her some she has been falling over herself to apologize to her sister, hug everyone, and is currently trying to find her sister's tickle spots in a really awesome, nice big sister way. Wow.