Y'know....this is very interesting...
I still have pictures from when my oldest son, now almost 24 years old, was just 3 1/2 or so, with long ringlets...and you know, he didn't even know at that age that male humans could HAVE short hair!!!! ALL and I mean ALL the grown men in his life were long haired, bearded and beautiful.
One of my oldest and dearest friends' sons always had long, very long, beee-oo-tiful blonde hair and was he ever a gorgeous kid! I have not seen him in years. As he grew he really became quite handsome, very muscular and could do backflips from standing position....just an incredible strong body for a young kid. Haven't seen him since he was about 13 or maybe younger.
Both my sons were long haired by their own preference for many, many years before they chose to cut their hair. My oldest had very curly hair and was amazingly tolerant when I combed out the tangles after washing it...bless him. Today, at 24, he wears his hair very short but has a beard or sometimes just a goatee.
My younger son has VERY thick wavy blonde hair. When his hair is long, his ponytail is amazingly thick. He had a hard time keeping it from matting because it is so thick, in his last high school years, but kept it decent as he could. I cut it for the first time in years this past spring just before his graduation.
I am still the only one who cuts my boys hair....they are just cheap- and I have learned and developed pretty good haircutting skills over the years. I even buy the professional scissors for that purpose.
My daughter's hair is beautiful and thick and long and was ever since she was about 2- lucky her. For the first time in a very long time, she had her hair trimmed last summer professionally. My hair is long with some gray streaks. I don't use any color...except once I used henna, which was just for fun. My hubby and my daughter used to streak their hair odd colors (blue, plum, etc) together. At that time, my hubby was working doing direct care in a group home caring for low-functioning clients, so there was no real dress or appearance code. My daughter was probably in middle school to junior high at the time and just hungry to be unique.
We always supported our kids' decisions about their appearance, clothing, etc. It all can be changed, is temporary and they grow to prefer many ways of doing things before they settle, mature and really gel into their adult style. There's no harm in allowing boys long hair as babies or growing children or girls short hair, or even the shaving of heads. It all grows back or can be cut. (Though I admit to crying while cutting my sons' hair when it had been very long for a long time.)
For the record, my husband has always worn his hair long, except for desperate economic times when he had to try to get a quick job, where the length of his hair mattered to the boss during the interview. He has only shaven his face a couple of times in our 26 years together. His hair is currently long, graying and getting thin on top, but still in a ponytail and he is a professional person now: a teacher in an alternative highschool. No one seems to mind his style, nor questions his professionalism because of it.
In addition, let me remind folks that there was a time in our history when little boys (my recently deceased 90+ year old uncle Fred is one whose photo documentation I have in my possession) wore their hair very long and even wore dresses and ribbonsas tots. It was the way at that time. The photo I have is really wonderful of my recently deceased uncle, with a straw hat complete with ribbons, hair in long ringlets and he is wearing a dress, stockings and so on. It was a formal picture in the style of that time. He was the oldest of the 7 children. So this picture was very prized. I have come to find that he was not the only little boy of his time that was dressed that way for a formal picture. That was just the way. He may have been about 3 to 4, very young and they just didn't cut the boys' hair at that time. And this was a farming family.
Take a look at classic art and see, that like "Blue Boy" for example, which I think is a Gainesborough painting, boys were dressed very "fru-fru", in pastel colors, with satin sashes even if in breeches, with long hair, etc., quite often historically. (And there is Little Lord Fauntleroy- classic children's literature- a very poignant story.)
Like I said, my oldest son didn't even know that short hair was "the norm" for male people the first four years or so of his life. He sure doesn't seem scarred for life having spent so many of his formative years with long hair. And for myself, when I hit about 12 or so, I started having my extremely thick hair cut very short in summer because it was uncomfortable for me otherwise. That was my choice. My mom had very wavy, nearly kinky, thick hair and after a time, she cut hers and has worn it very short ever since.
I think we always honored our kids' free will about their hair...and we always said that if they could and chose to deal with all the repercussions of how they chose to look whether the norm or unique, it was okay with us.
Just because other folks are ignorant and wonder about or mistake the gender of your beloved child...don't take it too much to heart. Not everyone is lucky at guessing and it is often hard to tell when kids are very wee. And folks really are a reflection of the wider society in their sensibilities...and we don't all share the same sensibilities and yet we seem never to remember that fact on either side of this issue. There is NO right or wrong here, except where judgement takes hold. Let's just remember that we are all human, and can make an honest mistake or two. Of course also, there is that saying, "Never ASSUME...it makes as ASS out of U and ME." Remember that one? Just to say that you never really can depend on clothing or hair to signal visually anyone's gender, really, and that we can all afford to ask sincere questions, even awkwardly, instead of assuming. We can also afford to be kind when answering what may be an embarrassed if not ignorant question rather than take it to heart. We may never see that person inquiring about our child again so no harm done in the long run, eh?
And really no one holds the corner on correct, most caring, or right parenting. No one here or anywhere else can be the most wise parent, with advice or admonishment that works or applies to just everyone. We all have wondrously survived our own parents' childrearing "experiments" and all the phases and fads from Dr. Spock to Brazelton, even to Ezzo today... and some never cracked a book and did what came naturally (Like me
) .
Live, Love and Learn!
There I go again rambling...Joyce in the mts.
I still have pictures from when my oldest son, now almost 24 years old, was just 3 1/2 or so, with long ringlets...and you know, he didn't even know at that age that male humans could HAVE short hair!!!! ALL and I mean ALL the grown men in his life were long haired, bearded and beautiful.
One of my oldest and dearest friends' sons always had long, very long, beee-oo-tiful blonde hair and was he ever a gorgeous kid! I have not seen him in years. As he grew he really became quite handsome, very muscular and could do backflips from standing position....just an incredible strong body for a young kid. Haven't seen him since he was about 13 or maybe younger.
Both my sons were long haired by their own preference for many, many years before they chose to cut their hair. My oldest had very curly hair and was amazingly tolerant when I combed out the tangles after washing it...bless him. Today, at 24, he wears his hair very short but has a beard or sometimes just a goatee.
My younger son has VERY thick wavy blonde hair. When his hair is long, his ponytail is amazingly thick. He had a hard time keeping it from matting because it is so thick, in his last high school years, but kept it decent as he could. I cut it for the first time in years this past spring just before his graduation.
I am still the only one who cuts my boys hair....they are just cheap- and I have learned and developed pretty good haircutting skills over the years. I even buy the professional scissors for that purpose.
My daughter's hair is beautiful and thick and long and was ever since she was about 2- lucky her. For the first time in a very long time, she had her hair trimmed last summer professionally. My hair is long with some gray streaks. I don't use any color...except once I used henna, which was just for fun. My hubby and my daughter used to streak their hair odd colors (blue, plum, etc) together. At that time, my hubby was working doing direct care in a group home caring for low-functioning clients, so there was no real dress or appearance code. My daughter was probably in middle school to junior high at the time and just hungry to be unique.
We always supported our kids' decisions about their appearance, clothing, etc. It all can be changed, is temporary and they grow to prefer many ways of doing things before they settle, mature and really gel into their adult style. There's no harm in allowing boys long hair as babies or growing children or girls short hair, or even the shaving of heads. It all grows back or can be cut. (Though I admit to crying while cutting my sons' hair when it had been very long for a long time.)
For the record, my husband has always worn his hair long, except for desperate economic times when he had to try to get a quick job, where the length of his hair mattered to the boss during the interview. He has only shaven his face a couple of times in our 26 years together. His hair is currently long, graying and getting thin on top, but still in a ponytail and he is a professional person now: a teacher in an alternative highschool. No one seems to mind his style, nor questions his professionalism because of it.
In addition, let me remind folks that there was a time in our history when little boys (my recently deceased 90+ year old uncle Fred is one whose photo documentation I have in my possession) wore their hair very long and even wore dresses and ribbonsas tots. It was the way at that time. The photo I have is really wonderful of my recently deceased uncle, with a straw hat complete with ribbons, hair in long ringlets and he is wearing a dress, stockings and so on. It was a formal picture in the style of that time. He was the oldest of the 7 children. So this picture was very prized. I have come to find that he was not the only little boy of his time that was dressed that way for a formal picture. That was just the way. He may have been about 3 to 4, very young and they just didn't cut the boys' hair at that time. And this was a farming family.
Take a look at classic art and see, that like "Blue Boy" for example, which I think is a Gainesborough painting, boys were dressed very "fru-fru", in pastel colors, with satin sashes even if in breeches, with long hair, etc., quite often historically. (And there is Little Lord Fauntleroy- classic children's literature- a very poignant story.)
Like I said, my oldest son didn't even know that short hair was "the norm" for male people the first four years or so of his life. He sure doesn't seem scarred for life having spent so many of his formative years with long hair. And for myself, when I hit about 12 or so, I started having my extremely thick hair cut very short in summer because it was uncomfortable for me otherwise. That was my choice. My mom had very wavy, nearly kinky, thick hair and after a time, she cut hers and has worn it very short ever since.
I think we always honored our kids' free will about their hair...and we always said that if they could and chose to deal with all the repercussions of how they chose to look whether the norm or unique, it was okay with us.
Just because other folks are ignorant and wonder about or mistake the gender of your beloved child...don't take it too much to heart. Not everyone is lucky at guessing and it is often hard to tell when kids are very wee. And folks really are a reflection of the wider society in their sensibilities...and we don't all share the same sensibilities and yet we seem never to remember that fact on either side of this issue. There is NO right or wrong here, except where judgement takes hold. Let's just remember that we are all human, and can make an honest mistake or two. Of course also, there is that saying, "Never ASSUME...it makes as ASS out of U and ME." Remember that one? Just to say that you never really can depend on clothing or hair to signal visually anyone's gender, really, and that we can all afford to ask sincere questions, even awkwardly, instead of assuming. We can also afford to be kind when answering what may be an embarrassed if not ignorant question rather than take it to heart. We may never see that person inquiring about our child again so no harm done in the long run, eh?
And really no one holds the corner on correct, most caring, or right parenting. No one here or anywhere else can be the most wise parent, with advice or admonishment that works or applies to just everyone. We all have wondrously survived our own parents' childrearing "experiments" and all the phases and fads from Dr. Spock to Brazelton, even to Ezzo today... and some never cracked a book and did what came naturally (Like me
) .Live, Love and Learn!
There I go again rambling...Joyce in the mts.
flame, I love the conversation, just feel like we need to look at both sides of the nature/nurture here...I really feel like it wouldn't end the world if we approached a baby/child as a beautiful person, not a gender. For what purpose would we need to deduct? We're not going to date that particular baby, are we? ITA that humans classify. but we are thinking beings who can decide when we've gone too far (that is my hope for the world, anyway
) By always placing people in categories, I think we dehumanize them (e.g. you're a female, you're OCD, you're depressed, you're republican, you're an INTP) Of course, for medical and scientific purposes, some info would be valuable to classify....but here we are talking about the annoyance it causes when someone calls your kid a girl b/c he has long hair. The easiest solution seems to keep your comments open-ended in all situations, keep your eyes open & you will figure it out soon enough---sneak up on them in the bathroom, maybe lol
