what is an acceptable consequence?

[melanie83103]

Hello Everyone,

I would love to have your input on this. I have tried to use gentle discipline with my son (who will be 4 in August) from the start, but we have also used time outs. I have been doing some reading on discipline because of some recent behavioral problems related to my daughters arrival (she's 3 months old), and I am starting to think that time outs are only causing my son and I to disconnect.

So what is an acceptable consequence for bad behavior? I believe that natural consequences work best, but sometimes the situation calls for something else. For example, what is an appropriate conseqence for hitting? I think it is important that my son know that it is NOT ok to hit - so how do I get this across? I talk to him about it, but honestly I don't think that's enough. In the past, I have put him in time out for hitting. What would you do?

Any input?

Melanie

[maya44]

Who is he hitting?

You?

Then I would each and every time he hits, stoop down to his level, hold his shoulders gently and say in a very low VERY SERIOUS voice "you may not hit me."


His sister?

Repeat above (saying 'you may not hit your sister') but17890

[maya44]

Who is he hitting?

You?

Then I would each and every time he hits, stoop down to his level, hold his shoulders gently and say in a very low VERY SERIOUS voice "you may not hit me."


His sister?

Repeat above (saying 'you may not hit your sister') but also keeping a "no fly' zone around the baby. So no even going within a FOOT of sister til this behavior stops.

Another child?

Leave the playdate, park etc... explaining that you can't allow him to be around another child if he hits them.

[melanie83103]

He hits me, my DH, and once in a while he hits one of his friends. Luckily, he never hits his sister.

Thanks for the ideas.

Melanie

[mamazee]

In addition to what was said above, I'd also help give him words to express how he is feeling. I'm trying to think if I know any kids who hit who are able to express their emotions and I can't think of any. So maybe say, "I understand you're angry, and it's OK to be angry, but it isn't OK to hit." Or even, "You got angry when (whatever). It's OK to be angry but it isn't OK to hit." It didn't take much of that before my daughter stopped hitting and started saying, "It makes me angry when you (do whatever)!" I think sometimes the hitting is out of the frustration of not having the words available to speak their minds. I don't know if that's the case in your situation but if you think it might be, it's probably worth a shot.

Good luck!