I saw an effective technique at the playground.

[EnviroBecca]

A woman was at the playground with at least 6 kids, elementary school age, who were playing rambunctiously, jumping off equipment and roaring and wrestling. She was sitting on a bench when one of the kids got slightly hurt and came over for comfort. While she was holding her, she noticed the behavior of another of her kids, who was about 30 feet away, and hollered for him to come over to her, which he did.
HER: It looked to me like you kicked that little boy.
HIM: No! I didn't! I just kicked near him!
HER: Well, he is a lot smaller than you, and you are playing too rough with him.
HIM: I didn't hurt him at all!
HER: Okay, but y'all are getting out of control. You need to sit down and take a breather.
HIM: I didn't do nothing!
HER: Not just you; all of y'all take a breather. Just stop and cool it down.
HIM: But we're--
HER: You go and tell them all.
He walked off in a very disgruntled way, but he went straight to one of the other kids and explained. I heard, "I didn't do nothing!" from the other kid, but she plunked down on the nearest bench and within 30 seconds appeared to be enjoying the sunshine and watching the passing scene. The first kid walked around to each of the others, then stopped at the water fountain for a long drink, then sat down silently with the woman. By then he seemed very calm and not resentful at all. Over an hour later, I noticed that this group was still there, playing in a way that was energetic but not disruptive or dangerous.

I was impressed by how well this worked. She refused to get into a lengthy argument about the specifics of his behavior, dispelled his sense of personal injustice, diverted him to a useful role, and calmed the whole group within minutes without standing up.

Do you think this would work with large groups of kids in general, or is it something about the dynamics of this particular group?

[noah's mom]

Wow, that's a really interesting approach. I honestly have no idea whether it would work with groups of kids in general or just this group - maybe the key is "using" the most influential child in the group to spread the word to the others?

[ShaggyDaddy]

Responsibility and having a useful job are exceptional tools against "injustice" mentallity. In teambuilding it's such a win-win. You get to reinforce the idea of "we are a team" while enlisting useful help.

I especially like the idea of having everyone calm down instead of just the person who happened to tip the scales because when a rowdy game ends up with someone getting hurt, it isn't the hurter's offense, generally the group chose the game and the group needs to cool off.

[sagira]

Wow, I think I've actually used that technique without even knowing it.. or reading anything about it. It did work then too.

[Aeress]

Yep, that is a great technique, especially with older kids.

[ThreeBeans]

Clever. Especially where she realized that the group energy was at fault, not just the one boy. She diffused the entire yes you did/no i didn't argument by refocusing onto having him be the errand boy.

She sounds smert

[momto l&a]

I remember having an adult do that to a bunch of kids of which I was one of.

Made sure to never be in her care again. I detested being punished for somebody else's fault.

[dawncayden]

I saw a preschool worker do something like this at the park a couple weeks ago, but I didn't have the same reaction.
One person was throwing sand, and the lady didn't see who it was, so she made all the kids in that area of the playground sit in a timeout : So there were about 6 kids who didn't do anything, sitting on the bench for their 4 minutes of time out, then each of them were made to come over to me and ds and apologize to us for throwing sand.
I vowed to never send ds to that preschool because of what I witnessed.

But it seems like these two ladies view 'time outs' differently

Dawn

[jilly]

In my former life I taught grade 8 drama, and I used something similar to this a lot. Sometimes when kids are doing something rowdy and there's a group of them, its just a matter of time until something goes wrong. If you can slow them down or redirect them BEFORE impending doom falls upon them all, you just saved the day. I would usually use a "okay, everyone stop and stretch and take a breather" or "okay, time to sit down for a break" a lot. In that context it tended to happen when they were just at the end of a long period of useful work or when they didn't really understand what they were supposed to be doing. But yeah, sometimes kids just work themselves into a lather and need to chill out, but they don't realize it themselves.

[mom22girls]

Making someone "take a time out" and having kids take a breather are two different things. Time out has come to be seen as a punishment, whereas take a breather sounds more restorative. No one was singled out, and I wonder if the kids saw it as punishment.

[lynnloves2]

Because I have older kids (preteen & teen), I often have to remind my children that they are examples for other children. Therefore, while I don't necessarily have an issue with them climbing on the outside of the playstructure (inappropriately), they are teaching smaller children that it is ok. And while if my kids get hurt, it is a lot different if they get hurt vs a toddler/preschooler climbing up the outside of the slide and them getting hurt very badly.

Often times I will give a warning, and that usually works. On rare occasion, the warning does not work and I will have my children sit on a time out or tell them they can not play in that area for the remainder of the day.

Jen

[ShaggyDaddy]

Originally Posted by momto l&a

I remember having an adult do that to a bunch of kids of which I was one of.

Made sure to never be in her care again. I detested being punished for somebody else's fault.

Oh but I am not punnishing you, I am enlisting your help to diffuse a situation. Obviously you are trustworthy and valuable because I need your help with the other kids.

[nd_deadhead]

Originally Posted by momto l&a

I remember having an adult do that to a bunch of kids of which I was one of.

Made sure to never be in her care again. I detested being punished for somebody else's fault.

But if I understand the OP correctly, ALL the kids in her care were being rowdy, so it is reasonable for all of them to sit down and settle down. Someone got hurt as a result of the rough play - the fact that one boy was responsible for the hurt should not absolve everyone else of responsibility.

I believe attitude has a LOT to do with how such a situation is perceived by the children. Obviously in your case you felt that you were being unfairly punished. In the case described by the OP, the caregiver politely asked ALL the kids to sit down, so they could calm down before someone else got hurt.

I think it's a neat approach, and I certainly agree with those who said that putting a stop to rowdy play before it gets completely out of hand is a worthy goal! The trick, of course, is to let them go so far, but not TOO far.

[DesertFlower]

Originally Posted by momto l&a

I remember having an adult do that to a bunch of kids of which I was one of.

Made sure to never be in her care again. I detested being punished for somebody else's fault.

I don't think it's punishement. The mom saw that the kids as a group were getting out of control and had them calm down for a minute, which gave the occasion to at least one kid to realize he was thirsty and drink.

[deditus]

Wow! I hope I become a skillful enough parent to think things through so quickly and come to a fair solution like this.

[fuller2]

Really interesting.

Ever since my son was a baby (he's 4 now) I have felt that our society is incredibly overstimulating, and I have always taken 'breaks' or tried to anticipate when he was about to lose it and end the activity then. It's good to know that this works with older kids too!

I have been starting to teach him breathing exercises now too. Nothing fancy, just to breathe, breathe, when you start to feel upset. (And if I am doing well that day I even manage to remember to do this myself! )

[lizabird]

I wonder if something like this, the let's have everyone sit down in the shade and have a snack or a drink, or something/anything calm, would work for a group of preschoolers (around 3.5 yrs old). I notice that when my playgroup gets together, the kids sometimes take a little while to all warm up to playing together, then they play great together for a little while, then it seems like they all start falling apart again. I think we could all use some restorative rest time at a time like this, even a few minutes for everyone to just collect themselves before heading back into the sun and the intense play.

Hmmmmm.....

Thanks for sharing.