Secrecy: Who is already wanting another babe?

[GenomicsGirl]

Me Me Me!

[vannienicole]

**

[miso]

This is our one and only. We've discussed adoption if we decide we would like to have more kids in the future. My husband is getting a Vasc. soon, too.

[Keeping up]

I was planning for #4 as soon as #3 was born - knew we weren't done. Hadn't planned for him when he was conceived but I welcomed the no TTCing (have to love surprise pregnancies).

I know we are done now. The Big V will be scheduled.

[wombatclay]

I'd like one more but...

The type of tear I had usually means no sex for at least 6 months (and we'd wait at least a year before TTC anyway). And then if I haven't healed "perfectly" there is a serious risk that a vag delivery would result in permanent damage (full prolapse, etc) needing surgery. But I don't know that I'd be able to plan and be at peace with a pregnancy that I knew would end in a planned c/s. And even if I do heal perfectly there's an added risk. Finding a care provider who would take a vbac w/ history of 4th degree tear and willing to attend a natural non-intervention birth could be hard!

There are mamas here who have done it and been fine, and others who have been "damaged" by delivery so it's a hard call.

I know that right after dd1 was born I couldn't wait for another...so maybe it's a hormonal reaction?

[MollyandCleo]

I don't know if it's because I'm still pregnant and soooo uncomfortable, but I've all but set the appointment for the big V for DH.

[PatchChild]

me me me! This little boy isso wonderful, and pregnancy was great (we just won't talk about delivery). Can I have a housefull?

[awallrising]

I'm ready to have my next & haven't given birth yet. DH & I talked about it recently. Even though it took me 2 yrs to get PG & had to go thru IVF, I really want to have 4 total, but given that #1 is coming at the age of 37, I don't know if that'll happen. Maybe we will adopt #3 and possibly #4? I really want a girl at some point.

[mataji4]

oh, man!!! i wish i felt "done" as i hoped i would after this fourth baby but i don't feel it yet!!!! darnit. this was my hardest birth so far and afterwards, amidst the afterpains, i told dh "that was horrible! you are getting a vasectomy this summer, mister!" but now the momentary trauma has passed and i'm not wanting to believe he's my last. who cares that we're teachers living in a town we can't afford to live in! who cares that we only have one bathroom or that all 3 of our boys will have to indefinitely share a room!

yesterday i took the kids to the farmer's market and i was stopped by three different moms who congratulated me on the baby and said they were so glad/happy to see me with four kids in a society that moves so fast and often judges big families, that it's a gift to my kids and the world, etc... that was so nice. usually all i hear is "wow, you've got your hands full" or "four?!! wow, you are brave" or whatever. people are so obnoxious and unoriginal in their commentary!

anyway, i dunno. we're only 31 and we make such lovely children whom we adore so much...i'm not sure what to think. i feel like i may never feel "done", like my reproductive system/maternal instincts are straight out of a bygone era or something!

[herbmama3-7]

Mataji4 I have to say you impress me!! Your eagerness and love for your children really make you the perfect canidate for haveing several children, I say go for it if your up to it! in my opinion you really have your s_ _ _ together. This world needs more people raised by people like you. There are too many screw ups out there and kids who are loved and secure and know they are loved, grow up to be loving very wonderful people! I say keep up the good work.

As for me, the pregnancy alone brings me nightmares just thinking about it, so DH is getting snipped! I do so love my babies though!

[basset]

ummmmmmm. no..... dh aleady had the big v before we conceived this one. we didn't wait and the swimmers were still alive!!!

[GenomicsGirl]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

But I don't know that I'd be able to plan and be at peace with a pregnancy that I knew would end in a planned c/s.

I'm sorry you feel that way I don't feel any less peace with my babies even though I knew #3 would have to be a c/s. I hope that your feelings change if a surprise baby comes

[dara00]

I want another one but the c/s planning issue is an issue for me too! I'm just going to wait a bit, I guess.

[momtokay]

i had only planned on three (though dh wants four). i'm hoping that "done" feeling hits soon, but it's hard to feel done when you have the sweetest little bundle of a baby in your arms...nothing much in the world like a newborn.

[Jilian]

Not me. I was pretty sure I was done while I was still pregnant and now I'm POSITIVE that we're done. The congenital heart defect DS was born with is hereditary and I could never ever risk putting another baby through this. I imagine that the stress alone from being pregnant would be enough for me to miscarry. But I will probably look into adoption in another few years.

[wombatclay]

GenomicsGirl-
I had such bad ppd after my c/s...in large part because I had worked so hard for a natural/intervention free birth. It's been over 2yrs now and while I have healed emotionally/physically the scars run very deep and I don't know that I'll ever be fully at peace with the experience. I've accepted it, but not embraced it...if that makes sense? I love dd1, I'm thankful interventions were available when they became necessary, but it's not the memory I "wanted".

I know a planned c/s would be less stressful since I'd have a longer time to find my balance and it wouldn't be a surprise, but...

The reason a c/s would be planned is the "chance" (about 40-50% chance) that another vag delivery could result in a complete uterine/bladder prolapse and/or permanent fecal incontenance. But c/s has long term physical risks as well (including death). So that would be the choice I'd face and the risks/maybes I'd need to balance. And looking at that choice fills me with enough stress that I can't imagine planning a babe, even though I'd love one more.

Of course, anything penetrative is off limits for ~6mo on doctor's orders (poor dh, and it looks like I'll need more mama cloth if AF returns) and there's a suggested 2yo healing period before another babe regardless of birth choice, so.... I've got a while to think!

[Mere]

Originally Posted by momtokay

i had only planned on three (though dh wants four). i'm hoping that "done" feeling hits soon, but it's hard to feel done when you have the sweetest little bundle of a baby in your arms...nothing much in the world like a newborn.

Ditto! Three has always been the final number, but who knows...I'm getting another IUD, so we're not closing the doors quite yet...

[Mama2 '05'06]

Dh and I were discussing what to name the next baby when dd was a month old. We wanted more but were still surprised when ds came on the scene. Now that #3 is on the way, I can't help but plan for more! We do know that we will be using FAM for a couple years after this one b/c we do need a break from having another every 14-16 months!

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

I'd like one more but...

But I don't know that I'd be able to plan and be at peace with a pregnancy that I knew would end in a planned c/s.

If you DID decide to have another, perhaps you could find a doctor who would be okay with you going into labor naturally, with the intent that once you determined you'd started labor, you'd come to the hospital for a C-section? In other words... and "unplanned planned" C-section?

FWIW, even knowing my DS was breech, my doctor was okay with this plan because I told her how important it was for me to know that my baby was ready to be born... that I didn't just pick an arbitrary date... know what I mean? This was important to me - with the 2nd C "looming" it felt good to know I wasn't scheduling anything.

Of course things don't always work as planned, as you know! I hope you can fully reach peace with yourself & your C-section & your body...

[wombatclay]

thanks!

I'm still on cloud nine over my vbac and I'm hoping I do heal "perfectly" so I will have birth options down the road. And hopefully my meeting with my care provider will resolve some of the concerns I have about the events surrounding my tear. But again, another babe is a long ways away no matter what.

When dd1 was about a year old I knew there was another babe waiting to join our family. It sounds odd but I even knew her name and I'd catch myself wondering where she was, or where her laundry pile was, or what have you. I'd like another babe, but haven't felt this sort of "specific" call. Maybe in a year or two or three?

It's interesting to me the wide range of responses to this question...