Do 4.5 yr old children know how old they are?

[Ann-Marita]

Do you know of any normal child who, at 4.5 years old, would answer the question "How old are you?" by holding up THREE fingers? Every. single. time. he is asked?!!

This child is supposedly less than six months away from being five years old. And yet, when asked how old he is, he holds up three fingers and (sometimes, not always) says "thwee".

He is signed up for two classes at the fine arts academy where I work. The classes are for 4-6 year olds. The classes are at a very convenient time of day for his mom, who drops him off at the door rather early (doesn't hang around to make sure he makes it to the right room - there are something like 15 rooms in our facility) and takes her younger child to a "mommy and me" gym class farther into town. I have to escort him from my class to his second class (because he would get lost if I didn't). The teacher of his other class came to our boss (independent of me) and said he is too young for that class.

Mom insists that he is "going to be 5 in December" and that he gets mixed up and that it is his younger brother who is three. The child in question has fine motor skills, verbal ability, and attention span appropriate for a three year old. Which means that he is quite a bit behind the bell curve in the classes for 4-6 year olds.

What would you think? Is Mom lying so that Sonny is in classes that are convenient for her schedule? Is the child really that mixed up all the time? Could he be developmentally delayed, but really 4.5yrs (the registration form says nothing of the sort, and there IS place for that sort of information)? If he really is 4.5, should the parents be alerted that he might be experiencing some sort of delays?

[sugarmoon]

sounds fishy to me. I don't know any 4.5 yo kid who thinks they are three. I mean, maybe a kid who just turned 4 might get mixed up and say 3, but then I think they'd correct themselves. Birthdays are a pretty big deal at that age! I mean, my 3 y.o. insists he is 5, b/c his big brother is almost 5.

Seems ridiculous to think you'll have to start asking for birth certificates or something. I totally don't get parents who would lie for something like that.

[AbbieB]

My DD is 3 1/2. She has become obsessed with birthdays. She "practices" how old she is and also how old she was and will be almost everyday. (I just want to say it's totally self motivated.) But she does not always have it right. She really has to look and think about what she's doing with her fingers. She also freezes up if a stranger asks her about her age.

When she turned 3 she had no clue how to respond to this question. Had no idea how to do fingers. She might have it down by the time it's her 4th birthday. We'll see.

I guess I am thinking that yeah, most 4 year olds would be able to answer this question right but if birthdays have never been a big deal for this child than maybe not. He could just be a late bloomer. My good friend's son is 9 months older than my DD and is developmentally right where she is in many ways.

[earthmama369]

Sounds off to me. Heck, my daughter is 2.5 and is *quite* vocal about her age (2), her birthday (November), and what age she'll be next (3, and then 4, and then 5. . . . )

[Monkeygrrl]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

Sounds off to me. Heck, my daughter is 2.5 and is *quite* vocal about her age (2), her birthday (November), and what age she'll be next (3, and then 4, and then 5. . . . )

Pman says the same thing...he is 4...in november he will be 5, november 25...lol

peace...

[L&IsMama]

My 4 yr old knows he is four, and says it right, but sometimes the amount of fingers he holds up aren't exact. My 2.5 yr old sometimes says he's 3 and sometimes says he's 50 years old.:

[hipumpkins]

Yeah..that sounds fishy. My DD is 4 1/2 and you best not say just 4. because everything she can do she can do b/c now she is 4 1/2.

[momto l&a]

my dd when they where 4 knew how old they where.

but i am sure a kid could have problems knowing his age

[Khourtniey]

Smells fishy here too. My 2 year old who is quite delayed even knows how old he is.

[mummyto3girls]

Hmm, that's sounds fishy, my DD is turning 4 in August and when strangers ask her age she'll say "I'm three and 10 months" she'll get hysterical if you just say she's 3.

[Peony]

Once in a while DD1 will say she is a year younger, she hasn't done this in a while, she is finally proud to be 4. Her reasoning before was because her best little friends is a year younger then she is and she wanted to be the same age as her.

[sbgrace]

My three year old had to be taught it directly (as in at three if you asked him how old he was he would say fine). He is delayed. However, I've since run into 4 year olds who answer with fine when asked. After I decided to teach it he would answer three for a while but often now says he's five (he's joking..I think). My other three year old says he's three but doesn't consistently hold up the right number of fingers. I am not big on teaching rote stuff unless the child expresses interest and had I not emphasized this at all my boys still might not know. This isn't an intuitive or really meaningful concept in that some to many or most kids of that age wouldn't have a clue what 4 years old really means even if they know how to answer the question.
My point I guess is if this child is indeed delayed somewhat he could very well be confused on his age in my mind. Even if he is not delayed this may not be his thing or perhaps he wasn't taught to answer that question. Also, children who have not been in preschool or in similar situations might seem very different than the same aged peers who have been in similar programs.
It might be appropriate to suggest to the parent that he doesn't seem developmentally appropriate for these classes (leave age out altogether) if indeed that is the issue but I don't think what you have observed means the parent is lying.

[pigpokey]

What are you going to do?

I think the most direct approach is to say something like, "Our course of action when a child's stated age differs from the age given on the enrollment form is to request to see the birth certificate. Please provide that before his next class time."

[hottmama]

No, that is definitely not normal and it sounds like she is lying.
My son has been able to state hs age and birthday since he was 2.5 and I don't think he's advanced in that regard.

[Britishmum]

Well, my dd insisted that she was 2 years old until she was 5. She had worked out that getting older got you closer to dying, so she wouldn't allow herself or anyone in the family to get older. :

My 2 yo ds varies the age that he tells people. If we're at dd's homeschool science class, which he is desparate to join, he says he's 5 (the minimum age.) If he wants something he knows he probably won't get, like ice cream, he's just 'a baby'. If he wants to do something his 4 yo sister is doing, he's 4.

However, there are other 2 and 3 y-olds who have no real concept of their age, nor of the fingers they should hold up.

I really don't think that you can draw conclusions from a child not being able to tell you - if he did the 'three' thing for a year, maybe he still does it automatically if asked how old he is. The only person who you should be asking is his parent. Does it really matter if he's too young for the class? Personally, I'd just turn a blind eye and let him continue. If there really is an issue, can't you ask all parents for documentation? It seems wrong to single out one mother because her child can't answer this question, when there may well be others who are the wrong age, and this child might well be 4!

[annekevdbroek]

DS1 is almost 4. He has known his age for quite some time - at least a year, along with the date of his birthday, how old he'll be on the next few, etc.

I'd find a nice way to ask for a birth certificate - or mention that the child is having trouble participating at the level of the class. Not sure what you can do.

[Kerlowyn]

My Ds is four and a half. When you ask him how old he is, he will say "I'm four and a half and I get to be five in October!!!"

[beanma]

i'm with british mum. my dd2 will be 4 in november so she's on the upside of 3.5. it was only in the past month or two that she accepted the fact that she's 3. she's incredibly verbal and bright (if i do say so myself) and not delayed in anyway. she plays pretend with her 6 yr old sister all day long. anyway, for the longest time after her 3rd birthday she would say she was 2. i got to where when people were asking her age in my earshot i would tell them that when she had her last birthday she decided to "stay 2". she would get really mad if i would say she was 3. now she seems to be at some peace with it and will admit to being 3 and even is entertaining the idea of being 4, but she wants to be "a little 4".

how tall is this little guy? does he look small for 4.5? can he keep up with the class? does it really matter if the mom is fibbing about the age?

well, i went back and read that he is having trouble keeping up. i think i wouldn't approach the mom about the age thing, but i would tell her that he's having trouble keeping up with the other 4.5 year olds and she might want to ask her pediatrician about it. if he's not 4.5 and the mother is fibbing then she might feel "caught" and if he is 4.5 (maybe he was a preemie) then she might appreciate the heads up and you're not accusing her of lying.

[onlyzombiecat]

When my dd was 4 she probably wouldn't have told you 4. She was very unhappy with getting older and was reluctant to tell people her age.

I would take the parent at her word about his age and just tell her that you are concerned that he might have some developmental delays for his age since he is having trouble handling things the other children his age can do.
If the child were 4.5 and had developmental delays would he be in different classes or placed with other 4 year olds?
I think your school could ask to see birth certificates from everyone in future if it is important to the class placement -or- place children in class based on their development rather than their age.

[Rigama]

Does it really matter how big the kid is, though? DS is 5 1/2 and very tiny for his age...as in there are some 3-4 year olds who tower over him. I would not use size as an arguement for his being younger than stated. I would, however, look at how he's performing and keeping up. As you said, he's behind the bell curve. But even that doesn't mean mom is lying. Some kids just aren't where other kids thier age are. Yes, when ds was 4 (heck when he was 2!) he was able to tell people his age and his birthday, but I recently spent time with someone who had a 7 year old who couldn't tell me when his birthday was.

Is he taking up a lot of time in the class so that you can't give the other kids the attention they need? Or is he just lagging behind a bit? I would approach the director of your academy and let him/her in on your concerns. This is a policy issue, and you shouldn't have to be the one to figure out how to deal with it. I'd also mention that mommy is dropping ds off at the door and he needs an escort to his class(es) but that you can no longer do that since you have a preschool class to prepare for.