Just frustrated arrrggghh!

[Oceanjones]

I'm too dispirited to post the whole sordid story right now. To make a long story short...My family is straight out of a V.C. Andrews novel, my grandparents are insane, psycho, control freaks and have fought me tooth and nail for almost my dd's whole life trying to keep her for themselves BUT I have won custody twice in the last five years. I can't even begin to tell you how totally effing screwed up they are!!!

My daughter doesn't want to be forced to go see them, I desperately want to move to WA to be near my own mother (their daughter btw) which kills them and what started all the court crap 5 years ago. They don't think my mom has a right to her own grandchild but they do as GREAT grandparents. ugh This just makes me sick.

So now we are waiting for the court hearing on the modification and leave of court on Aug 14th. I am terrified that the judge will not grant me permission to move. My attorney is only putting in a half-hearted effort and I can't get anyone else. I've been trying and the best I can get is a reduced rate that is still beyond my reach.

My atty said when he presented the judge mentioned me having to pay for travel costs for her to visit them. I'd like to know how I am supposed to do that? I'm single and have 3 children and minimum wage won't even cover us let alone flying dd cross country. I asked him what would happen if I cannot afford to do that and try to make other arrangments with them (if the move goes through) He says they could file contempt and PA could issue an order allowing them to pick up my dd and order me back to PA. Getting some advice on a law forum but I think this info is incorrect (he did Family law when this first started as a green atty with legal aid but now practises bankruptcy law so...) I can't see how I could be deprived of custody when they aren't her father.

I'm just aggravated with the whole court system. PA bites my @$$. Frickin commonwealth... Yeah, so yeah I'm just sick of all the BS and just want to go live my life and raise my kids...as is my right. Oh wait, I forgot, I'm only her mother. I don't have rights. What was I thinking? :

Just needed to vent and have a little 'poor me' party. :

[Blue Dragonfly]

hugs mama - that's crazy!

[singin'intherain]

Yikes! Your Grandma would do that to you? What kind of crazy people are running the courts where you live?

[cycle]

I'm confused - why were you fighting your grandparents for custody of your child? Did they ever have custody?

[Oceanjones]

Nope. They have never had custody except for when they came to Washington State and kidnapped her. It was considered "legal" because they had visitation rights. The cops in Everett even held me while they were deciding whether or not to charge ME with felony kidnapping!!! It didn't fly though. The @$$holes contacted CPS and we tried to get them to intervene on my daughter's behalf but they didn't and the lady from CPS was a total biotch. My dd sent an email from this woman's computer to my mom that said HELP ME but yet the woman didn't feel there were any issues. : DD was already on her way to PA when I was contacted by the Asst DA and told they were sorry and were getting a task force in place to safeguard against something like that happening again because WA should have claimed emergency jurisdiction to at least investigate if nothing else. It was too late to help my dd though....

[Pagan_princess]

I'm completely confused.......how did they ever get far enough to get vistation rights?????? Isn't there anything that you have against them that can help you in court in August??? (such as the fact that they have kidnapped her once already)

[Oceanjones]

Oh no, see that's what is so screwed up. The court in PA actually condoned what they did!
I was even told at one of our hearings that it looked to him like I had a lack of interest because I had to wait to recover from my c-section before going from WA to Pittsburgh.

They got visitation because they LIED in court and said they raised my daughter. They BABYSAT her for me when I was at work. I had to call the cops numerous times to make them let me pick her up after work and all kinds of crap like that because they would physically restrain from enetering their home to get her. Yet the court gave them in loco parentis status.

Be careful ladies in PA. I guess that means anyone who works to support their family and has to have someone else care for their children is open to custody disputes.

It's just a bunch of BS

[cjuniverse]

WHAT?

How could something like this even happen? Crappy crust on a cracker, HOW?

These people are not your children's parents. They did not have custody. They had no legitimate legal claim to your child(ren) whatsoever.

What kind of whacko judge would condone such nonsense? Aren't these people supposed to act in the best interests of the CHILD? How is it in any child's best interest to be KIDNAPPED from their mother by their GRANDPARENTS, FOR NO REASON?

What. The. Hell. I don't get this at all. You must've have pulled the short straw in court for sure. What a crock of !@#$.

I am so, so sorry mami. Holy burritos. This should never have happened. Never. It is not fair, it is not right, hell, it's not even LEGAL.

What in the name of Pete is going on in PA family court? Somebody's got an agenda...

[kittn]

the ruling in the case blixt v. blixt ruled that it was against a parents due process rights to force a parent to allow visits with anyone other thsn the other parent. perhaps you canpoint your lawyer in that direction

[punkrockmommy]

Oh my god that would be so hard. I am so sorry. This is why i have lost faith in government, they dont protect the people who really need it and are to busy taking care of things that shouldn't even be there. Take care.

[Oceanjones]

Originally Posted by kittn

the ruling in the case blixt v. blixt ruled that it was against a parents due process rights to force a parent to allow visits with anyone other thsn the other parent. perhaps you canpoint your lawyer in that direction

Thanks. I will look that case up. I think that probably followed the Troxel ruling.

What's makes it hard to fight is that rotten bass of a judge giving them in loco parentis status. That gives them parental rights!!! : Just been reading some stuff though that says they can not grant that status indefinitely. So that along with her speaking up that she doesn't want the visitation should help.
(IF she speaks up in court. They have her so terrified to speak out against them. She will b*tch to me but I keep trying to make her understand that they need to hear it from her)

Found some stuff about courts granting virtual visitation. Told my attorney to offer them that once a month

Thanks for all the support ladies. I need it

[kittn]

Originally Posted by Oceanjones

Thanks. I will look that case up. I think that probably followed the Troxel ruling.

What's makes it hard to fight is that rotten bass of a judge giving them in loco parentis status. That gives them parental rights!!! : Just been reading some stuff though that says they can not grant that status indefinitely. So that along with her speaking up that she doesn't want the visitation should help.
(IF she speaks up in court. They have her so terrified to speak out against them. She will b*tch to me but I keep trying to make her understand that they need to hear it from her)

Found some stuff about courts granting virtual visitation. Told my attorney to offer them that once a month

Thanks for all the support ladies. I need it

good luck with that in the blixt case even though the grandfather was originally given the status of defacto parent he was not allowed visitation under it. good luck

[13moonmama]

I'm so sorry. You need a better lawyer!!!!!!!! You need your mother to help you, so that the courts see HER as the grandparent. With you both as a united front. A mother and great grndparents that don't get along is not best for your dd. Is is possible to get the father involved as a united front? It sounds like someone in the courts has an agenda. This is just weird. It would be good for the courts to know that your grandparents have lied, so that they are not see sweet old people. I don't know anything about these types of legal battles, except through my friend. But your lawyer should file a motion on the side address your grandparents dishonesty. What is the worse thing that they have against you? You can tell us, we're just a bunch of mama's in the internet. Is there something in your past?

You can also perhaps get your grandparents in trouble for past crimes. My crunchy friend, who hasn't seen her girls in 3 years, is now getting her ex and his lawyer and his new wife who's a lawyer, (years after the fact) in big trouble for illegally termination her parental rights. They are worried, and they have $ and a bull dog of a lawyer an they are still getting in trouble for lying. It can be done!

TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS AND REALLY CARES! Your lawyer doesn't sound good. This is your dd here! There's got to be a good soul of a lawyer out there. Perhaps a woman.

But really, it kinda seems like they have gotten this far, because they and lawyer knows that you are lost and your lawyer too, so they are riding on red tape and nothing else. but the more they pile the confussion up, the more standing they have. just a thought.

Keep us updated.

[Oceanjones]

There wasn't really a whole lot that they had on me. What worked in their favor was us living with them and them watching her a lot. At one point I was going to school ft and working 3 jobs. I literally had to schedule in "45 mins of sleep" on my calendar! We had our own apartment then but she was there the majority of time because of my schedule. I always went to their house though for my sleep times and me and Bridgette would lay down together. She was 4 then so that was years before the whole court crap started.

Plus I did work as an escort for a few months. Get this though, I went to my grandmother before I started that and told her what I was going to do and asked her to loan me some money for a cell phone and condoms! HA! She gave me her credit card and told me to get what I needed. She also used to tell me every night before work to "work hard and get her some bingo money!

I am Wiccan and my grandmother is a Roman Catholic. Need I say more? (My brother and I dubbed her 'Attila the Nun' years ago.) :

Oh yeah and I smoked weed and they claimed my bf at the time was a drug dealer but I had a witness that blew that out of the water. He was abusive though and that came up too. But I never had him at my house except when my dd was at school or she was in bed.

The judge didn't seem impressed by any of those things though. He said I didn't take my daughter to work and I was obviously keeping my relationship with bf seperate from her and he just waved away the pot smoking stuff. (Thanks Bill ) It was the in loco parentis status that screwed me. Even though it's a crock that they got it.

BUT...w00t I found this today! A case called Jones vs Barlow from earlier this year where they say in loco parentis status is only temporary and cannot continue after the in loco parentis relationship has been terminated.

It's really a sad and tragic case about a same sex couple where the women had a child together and then broke up a few years later and they revoked the other parents status. In cases like that I think it BS and they should be viewed as biological couples but that is a whole other forum.....

I've gotten the info my attorney needs and also contacted The Alliance Defense Fund. They do a lot of work similar to the ACLU. She wrote me back immediately and told me to have my attorney contact them so they can review my case to see if they might be able to assist us.

I feel like I have finally found the light at the end of the tunnel!

[pranamama]

freaky, that's why if you are in WA you should always pay people who watch your children, at least a token amount, then they can't go for custody. It is a freaky legal system that can drag parents into the courts to keep their own children.