child gender stereotyping things

[onlyzombiecat]

We were sitting around the living room watching TV and reading last night as a family. Somehow the subject of drawing unicorns came up. Dh said he would like to draw a picture of a unicorn and dd (7) got really, really upset. She said only girls could like unicorns and dh couldn't draw one. She said boys could only like cars and boy stuff.

Dd has never expressed a great love of unicorns before this so it isn't her favorite thing we are talking about.

This really disturbed me. I thought we had always made a big effort to keep such gender stereotyping out of our home. Dd can have any toy she wants. She can dress however she wants. We shop in the boy's clothing section sometimes and avoid the Barbie/Bratz aisle at the store. We've never said girls can't do x or boys can only do y.

I pointed out that boys and girls can both draw unicorns and play with cars. I asked dd if she wanted to only have dolls and pink/purple things and get rid of her cars and "boyish" things. She said no. I talked about how it is unfair to say someone can't like or do something because they are a girl or a boy. I pointed out that her daddy and I like and do many of the same things. Dh pointed out that he doesn't like cars that much but he likes unicorns. Dd eventually calmed down and seemed to accept that boys could like unicorns too.

Is this normal 7 year old gender stuff just hitting us?
Has anyone else had this gender stereotyping come from their child out of the blue?

[angela&avery]

Gender stereotyping is everywhere, you cannot shelter your child from it, you can however, just always allow and encourage the crossing of gender lines. I think asking her if hse wants to get rid of boy toys is making it even more a big deal and putting more weight on whether or not its for a boy or girl... you pretty much pointed out that those toys are in fact boys toys by saying that.

Whatever you teach your child in most cases is going to be something that sticks with them. Experimenting with social norms is something that most (all?) kids do, and boy vs girl is a big deal at this age, esp if you daughter has friends her age, which im assuming she does. You simply cannot control every thing that your child comes in contact with and other children are a big part of it. Simply stating that boys or girls can draw whatever they like is enough. Having Daddy go ahead and draw in anyway will get your point across.

[onlyzombiecat]

I was really just wondering if at age 7 kids start having a greater issue with wanting to label things as being for a certain gender.
I wondered if others had this come at them out of the blue from their child.


To clarify-
My dd was upset to the point of tears and screaming because her father wanted to draw a unicorn. Having dh just draw a unicorn was not enough to deal with the situation.

Labeling and removing toys from our house was not the focus of our discussion with her. I only asked if she wanted to get rid of her toys she had said were boys only to gauge how she felt about the fairness of that. I was trying to point out through my entire discussion that it would be unfair and wrong if a girl was told she could only play with or like certain things or if a boy was told he could only play with or like certain things because of their gender. I'm satisfied with the way our discussion concluded.

We don't shelter dd but her getting so very upset when we've never made it a big issue in our house really surprised and disturbed me. Dd has always been better friends with boys than girls and I have not noticed them telling her she can't do things they do. I'm not going to cut out TV, books or friends. Obviously we need more discussion about these gender stereotypes now.

[angela&avery]

maybe she was just having an off day??

My kids havent flipped out about something like that.. as far as stereo typing, but my 6 year old has his moments. Maybe she was just plain more sensitive that day and it seemed so very important that this idea hold true. Or maybe that she be right.. ive heard a few people say that 8 year olds think they are always right..maybe shes a little ahead of herself.

[mamazee]

Please know that I'm not flaming you for watching TV, because we watch TV too - including my daughter - but seeing as you homeschool and you're careful about not doing gender stereotyping in your family, I'd bet she's getting the stereotypes from TV. I don't say that because I think you should stop watching TV, but at least you can stop beating yourself up if you're wondering if it's something you've said to her or modeled to her. Even kids' shows that seem pretty harmless can be heavy on the stereotypes.

Stereotypes exist in the world and she was bound to be exposed to them one way or another. Maybe you can look at it as an opportunity to discuss it with her and hopefully help her see that she isn't bound by stereotypes, and neither is her daddy.

My daughter talks about toys of hers that are "boy toys" and toys of hers that are "girl toys". I said, if they're her toys, aren't they all girl toys? But she seems to have a pretty good idea of which are which, though she plays with all. My daughter only watches pretty tame kids' shows, but she's picked up on the stereotypes too. Plus she was in preschool and who knows what the other kids have talked about with her. She's never gotten upset like that about it, but she's a couple of years younger than your daughter so there's time.

[mightymoo]

At 4 my daughter has started saying things like that. She does watch TV, but not commercials and the shows she watches doesn't have anything I think would start it. I think she gets it from the other kids at school who are getting it from other influences in society. She tells me occaisionally what boys like and what girls like, usually in context of herself and her brother. She has a similar personality to your daughter becuase I could totally see her going nuts because daddy wanted to draw a unicorn and boys don't like unicorns.