at what age can kids clean up their messes?

[mamatosaskia]

Hi,

I take care of my 3 year old dd and one of her friends 2.5 days a week. The new thing is to take their water/milk/juice and pour it on the floor. My general response is to take the cup away and say "looks like you are done". However, lately I have been asking them to get down and help me clean up the mess. I think this seems reasonable, considering the age. What do you guys think? Sometimes it is met with great resistance, which totally infuriates me! I try to not let it show, but sometimes I get really tired of cleaning up after them all day. I am reading unconditional parenting, which makes me feel guilty for trying to do any sort of behavioral correction. I see the point of the book from a totally academic perspective, but in the end I feel like I have to teach my daughter how to act in the world. Am I being overly optimistic?

j

[GooeyDay]

I am a Montessori directress, and in our classroom all of the children (the youngest being 2.5 and 3) clean up their own messes. We have the equipment available to them (small sponges, washcloth sized cleaning cloths, child sized brooms, mops, etc) and show the child how to deal with the spill with each step in detail (using the tool, squeezing a sponge in the sink, brushing crumbs into the wastebasket, hanging wet cloths on the drying rack, etc). The child is then responsible for cleaning up. The adult is available to provide only what help is necessary...

Not only does this foster independence in the child, the child also gains a sense of order, concentration and co-ordination through the work. These qualities are critical in the development of the child. In my view, what the child is capable of doing for him or her self, the child should do. It is the adult's task to provide what is needed for the child to do this.

So what I am basically saying is that, yes 3 yo's are capable of cleaning up their own spills, and it is actually beneficial for them to do this.

Good luck!
~* Laura

[Linda on the move]

When my kids were that age, I would have handed them a towel and had them help me without making a big deal of it. I also would have explained why we don't pour things on the floor, and tried to find an appropriate way to play by pouring things. May be a big sink with water and plastic cups and let them take the water out and pour it back in, or something like that -- or, since it is summer, a play pool outside with lots of plastic things for pouring.

I wouldn't have expected them to be able to clean it up by themselves, and I wouldn't have felt that they were doing something *bad,* just that they were doing something in way that wasn't my prefence and we needed to find a way for them to have fun without making icky messes for me to clean up.

[g&a]

I really don't think it's unreasonable to get them to help clean up at that age. when DD was a year old she went through a stage of throwing food on the floor at suppertime - just for fun, I think. We made her help us clean it up after the meal, and she soon got the cause and effect - if I throw it, I have to clean it up. Sounds like the same sort of situation with your 2. Don't think of it as being mean - think of it as teaching them to be responsible for their actions. That's something they're going to need to make it in the world.

Also, I think "sounds like you're done" is a great response! If they really want the juice/whatever they wouldn't throw it on the floor.

Sounds like you're on the right track to me.

g.

[LilyGrace]

I think.....it depends on how your house is set up. I think it's important to learn how to clean up and be expected to when a child makes a mess. I was a very small child and keep in mind one of my first "essays" when I work with my kids. It was titled If I Were A Giant, and in very simple, Dolch word filled sentences explains how I would live if I were big - I could get my own plate and cup, use a mop and a broom...and so forth.

I don't want my kids to feel like they're living in a giants' world. So I put together a cabinet for them and filled it with child sized materials - small brooms/mops, crumbers, rags and cleaning solution (soap and water) down at their level. I want them to learn how to use and be familiar with all of this stuff before the "I don't wannas" set in too far and they're finally big enough to use my equipment.

In our house, if a mess is made, I calmly make a statement: "looks like you need a rag" and let them take it from there. If they need help, I'm available, but I'm not going to take over.

[Rivka5]

Originally Posted by mamatosaskia

Hi,

I take care of my 3 year old dd and one of her friends 2.5 days a week. The new thing is to take their water/milk/juice and pour it on the floor. My general response is to take the cup away and say "looks like you are done". However, lately I have been asking them to get down and help me clean up the mess. I think this seems reasonable, considering the age. What do you guys think? Sometimes it is met with great resistance, which totally infuriates me!

I expect my 2-year-old to take the lead to clean up intentional messes like pouring out a cup. I bring her cleaning supplies (or send her to get them if it is something she can access by herself) and then keep our mutual attention on the mess until it is taken care of, redirecting her to the spill until she begins working on it. Once she starts really trying to clean, I will help. I don't expect her to be able to do the job independently.

If she protests, I will express sympathy for her feelings but continue to redirect her to the job. For example: "This is not something you want to do. When you threw your cup, you didn't realize how much work it would be to clean up the spill. Yeah, I don't like mopping up milk either. Here is the rag." Or, "You're hungry, and you want to keep eating your lunch. Me too. We'll get right back in our chairs when the spill is cleaned up."

I try to not let it show, but sometimes I get really tired of cleaning up after them all day. I am reading unconditional parenting, which makes me feel guilty for trying to do any sort of behavioral correction.

Look, someone has to clean up the milk. Surely unconditional parenting doesn't mean making a martyr of yourself by scrambling to take care of messes she deliberately makes. Parents are human beings with a right to be treated with respect and dignity... just like kids are. Would you let her treat a waitress in a restaurant the way she's treating you?

[RiverSky]

I think 10 is a reasonable age.

I'm anti-child labor. Don't know why, I just am.

[DesertFlower]

Kai (my DS) goes to a Montessori playgroup 3 times a week for 2.5 hours (he stays by himself). He has learned to pick up his toys and put them back where they belong. He doesn't always do it by himself, but with a gentle reminder he will. He he spills juice/water/milk, I give him a rag and have him help me. The only time I pick it up myself is if I want the mess to be cleaned up fast while Kai is still eating.
He also has learned to say "sorry" and uses it in context!
Kai just turned 2.

[DesertFlower]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

Look, someone has to clean up the milk. Surely unconditional parenting doesn't mean making a martyr of yourself by scrambling to take care of messes she deliberately makes. Parents are human beings with a right to be treated with respect and dignity... just like kids are. Would you let her treat a waitress in a restaurant the way she's treating you?

I entirely agree!

[mom22girls]

A good story about cleaning up messes and natural consequences:

Okay - this is only funny if you've recently seen Disney's "Cinderella."


One day my girls (4 and 2.5) were playing in the basement playroom and I heard water running. My youngest had filled up her plastic tea pot and purposefully dumped a trail of water. I was REALLY REALLY angry because I'm ALWAYS saying we don't play with water in the basement. I wanted to scream and shout (yeah, I know it was just water, but it was that kinda day) and so I took a deep breath, handed youngest dd the towel and said, "you need to clean this up." I expected her to walk away, instead, she fell to her knees, started wiping and sang, "Sing Sweet Nightengale" just like Cinderella does in the movie when she's cleaning the floor. It was hysterical!!!!

I would totally agree with Rivka5's response. You want to model what you want them to do (without a power struggle), and talking through it helps.

[jellop]

We live by the motto: "We make a mess, then we clean it up!". Not a big deal, not a punishment, just part of the process. Ds (3) is the only kid in his sunday school class that cleans up after himself when it's time to go, and he's done that for over a year now. But, we do that always - at home, at friends, wherever - it's just when it's time to go or change projects, we clean up after ourselves. Sometimes, my kids don't want to clean up, so I let them know if they want help cleaning, they can ask me for help and I will (I think it changes the focus that way), and we clean together.

-Jolene

[incorrigible]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I think 10 is a reasonable age.

I'm anti-child labor. Don't know why, I just am.

I needed that. Thanks. =D

[elizawill]

my son is 3 and if he spills on accident, i will usually clean it up by myself (dunno why?). if he intentionally dumps his drink out for fun....then we get two rags and some soap & water and clean it as a team. i don't usually make too big a deal out of it though. when my children have friends in the house, i know they are prone to more silliness, so i ask everyone to leave there drinks on the counter in the kitchen. i leave them out so if they get thirsty, they can all help themselves....but i ask that no drinks leave the kitchen. it keeps accidents from happening ....or those non-accidents from happening too

[Beppie]

My dd is 23 months old, and she LIKES to clean up after herself! (Most of the time!!!)

Essentially because she loves anything to do with water, and anything to do with imitating Mommy. So if I hand her a wet washcloth she will very happily wipe anything in front of her, including any mess. And if I take the broom to sweep the floor, she runs to get her broom, and do it along side of me (admittedly, that sometimes makes the mess worse).

I don't "force" her to clean up after herself, but at this age she enjoys doing it. I suppose that's a stage she may grow out of soon, but I will enjoy it as long as it lasts!

[onemoremom]

My 3 year old is reasonably good about cleaning up after himself when it comes to spill and things. It's never been a punishment or anything, just very low-key 'oops, the milk got spilled all over the floor, ds would you please go get a cloth from the kitchen to wipe it up?' kind of stuff. I probably spill coffee just as often as he spills water so we just help each other. We work together to keep our home nice.

Things like putting toys away, taking dishes to the sink/counter, banana peels to the trash, etc... are getting a bit more reliable. Still need lots of gentle reminders and help.


He also loves to sweep, mop, vacuum, things like that. I wouldn't say he's anywhere near *effective* at them, but as long as he's not scattering my dirt pile everywhere I'm happy to let him practice. He's always used the regular household equipment and handles it just fine so I never bothered buying smaller versions. I think it makes sense for a group of children like in a classroom, but don't really see the point at home. For us anyway-my kid is pretty big and strong, maybe a petite child has more trouble maneuvering adult size brooms.

So yeah, I think it's perfectly reasonable to have the kids help clean their messes. It takes practice, teaching them how, and being fairly consistent and doing it mostly together at first but they can do it. If it's a new thing for them I would start with just making sure they are there when you do it, talk to them and show them how.

[akfirefly76]

Mine too!

Originally Posted by Beppie

My dd is 23 months old, and she LIKES to clean up after herself! (Most of the time!!!)

My DD is 18 months and the same way.
She actually gets upset when she makes a mess. (that doesn't stop her from dumping her food and drinks all over the place)

We get a towel for each of us if its liquid and she dabs away with me.
If its cereal, or grapes, or rice, or pasta... we just put the container between us and pick pieces up and put them back in the container.

She's actually been like this since she could move and pick things up. Maybe its because she's a capricorn. hee.

[J-Bean]

Ahhh, thank you Mama's for the great responses. I've been trying to get a hold on my own reactions to my 19 month old's newfound pleasure in dumping her water, and dropping and throwing her food on the floor. Being nearly 7 mos. pregnant myself, I'm purely irritated by it and have been trying to get a better thing going. Keeping the clean up tools at her level...why didn't I think of it?
Oh, and I definately see a young one helping clean up nad learning ot clean up on one's own as perfectly normal and appropriate. Cleaning is just a part of life after all and mine likes to "clean" or atleast help do it most times anyways.

[riversong]

I'd like to get into the habit of having dd clean up her toys and dishes and messes with me. She doesn't want to clean anything up by herself, but if I join her it's no big deal. Yesterday she brought a little cart full of toys (blocks, beads, playing cards) and dumped them out on the floor by the front door. When she was ready to go and do something else, I told her she needed to bring all the toys to the den so Daddy wouldn't fall on them when he came home. She said, "I want you to clean it up." I told her that I would help her, but she needed to pick up her toys. She was ok with that and said something about how she made the mess so she needed to help clean it up. I brought her a grocery bag to put everything in, and she dutifully put the toys in and brought them to the den. Of course, she later dumped them all on the floor in there, but we'll clean that up later.

Does anyone here have their kids take their dishes from the table and put them in the sink or dishwasher? The sink is pretty high up for a 3 y.o., but maybe there's a simple solution I haven't thought of.

[onemoremom]

Originally Posted by riversong

Does anyone here have their kids take their dishes from the table and put them in the sink or dishwasher? The sink is pretty high up for a 3 y.o., but maybe there's a simple solution I haven't thought of.

Yes, my 3 year old can take his dishes to the sink. Things that won't break he can reach well enough to toss over the edge(silverware, plastic), and everything else he can put on the counter next to the sink. We're still working on making it a habit, but he's perfectly capable.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by riversong

Does anyone here have their kids take their dishes from the table and put them in the sink or dishwasher? The sink is pretty high up for a 3 y.o., but maybe there's a simple solution I haven't thought of.

my children bring their dishes to the counter by the sink for me. they can reach the counter easily, and it's very helpful for me. i don't want them to load the dishwasher because i'm too OCD