Terrible Behavoir

[WannabeaFarmer]

OK I am not sure where to put this post, since it has to do with three topics-breastfeeding, gentle discipline, and being a toddler. So I figured I would just post it here cause I am in a tornado of confusion
First off she wont stop biting , hitting, pinching, kicking...she is getting very very violent-She actually drew blood tonight(not the first time) biting and pinching me(mouth on one breast and fingers on the other). Then she proceeds to kick me till I get up. Then comes the throwing of the toys at my head(or targeting there abouts).
Am I terrible to be afraid of her? At this point every time I sit down anywhere in my house she becomes violent and laughs like its a game.
I am afraid to come near her and I am afraid to breastfeed her cause she almost ALWAYS leaves teeth marks and sometimes bites till I bleed and yanks at the same time so I have to lodge my fingers in her mouth and pry her jaw open.
I don't mean to yell but when she does that and doesn't let go-I tend to yell OWW
At this point I am ready to cut her off from the breast, has anyone felt the need to do a mommy nursing strike? I am at that point now-not completely cold turkey just a nursing strike temporarily.
I am really honestly afraid to hold her because she gets so violent.
its not just during breastfeeding either, its almost every time she crawls into my lap...then she likes to rip clumps of my hair out(not just pull, but pull till she gets some in her hand). I am in real tears here
I was crying in front of her so she might get the idea that it hurts and all she did was smile and laugh-
I have been persistant with her time outs and discipline, but nothing is working and its getting MUCH worse(I have the scars to prove it).
Can anyone help me?

[Dabble]

I'm sure this isn't really in the vain of "supporting" extended breastfeeding, but I think it's time to give up the ghost. I'm all for EBF, but that sounds wickedly painful. If she's doing it on purpose, things need to change.

Honestly, there could be permanent nipple damage that could prevent you from nursing subsequent children.

Is it possible she could get more exercise? Sounds like she's got a lot of energy to burn and no appropriate outlet.

[WannabeaFarmer]

Well I think she is almost ready to quit. She is only breastfeeding at naptime and bedtime. But I really didnt want to "forcefully" wean her. I thikn by her birthday(dec) she will be ready to be independent. She will be 2 and I think I will be ready to be done.
I am really worried about nipple damage too. This wasnt the first time she did this either. So I just suppose I dont know how to wean her? She doesnt really nurse at night at all unless I let her sleep with me(DP has been away on business so she has been in bed with me, but usually she is in her own bed next to ours). So now I am at the point where I just need to wonder, how do I at least maybe cut out her naptime nursing session? I mean these are the times where she just nurses to sleep and thats it, naptime is where I get the most resistance, cause she has a routine and sometimes doesnt like it...

[momuveight2B]

When she bites you can pinch her nostrils shut and she will let go or pull her into the breast so that she has to open to breathe. Then put her on the floor and walk away to take care of yourself. You might find it useful to put a cold compress on your breast to reduce pain and swelling.

Some kicking, hair pulling, hitting is expected and experimental at this age. They haven't yet learned that they are hurting you and to develop empathy. Sit on the floor with your back to the wall and hold your daughter in a baskethold till she calms down. This may not be GD but you sit cross legged with her on your lap facing out and wrap your arms and legs around her and talk calmly or not at all until she is in control of herself. If you are holding her firmly she should not be able to headbutt, bite, kick or pinch. She needs to feel that you are in control here for her safety and yours.

If things don't improve I would seek support through your local community child behavioral services. With some skills you can stop being afraid and take the lead in the relationship.

[CathMac]

No BTDT, mostly support and one link

jess12808,
I'm guessing you're at the "don't offer, don't refuse" stage. I hope I'm not over-psycholgizing --and this is sheer speculation-- but is it possible that she's ambivalent about nursing and/or senses some ambivalence from you? If she has something resembling a schedule or you can sense when she might need to nurse perhaps you could anticipate and offer so she doesn't feel like she's always asking, or worse yet like she's begging.

Again, I realize I'm just speculating but maybe she just needs some reassurance.

Here is an article I have seen posted in response to stories like yours before. The author winds up discussing weaning with her daughter, the daughter seems relieved and she never nurses again. Of course the girl in the article is three years old; and she was nursing a one year old boy at the time as well.

I realize your situation may be completely different but I'm thinking this article might be helpful to try and gain some perspective, if only to rule something out.

Restoring Harmony - A Mother's Story
http://www.continuum-concept.org/rea...ngHarmony.html
EXCERPT
"In spite of our small successes, there was still an intense rage in Becky. I was convinced that I was being less child-centered. I had stopped being guilt-ridden, stopped pleading, apologizing, reasoning, explaining, asking permission. So, what was it about? Why, why was this anger still there? Why was she still hurting Jacob? And why did this intense anger emerge when she was three, when it wasn't there before?
...
To my amazement, I didn't feel angry as I started walking. Rather, I had a moment of "enlightenment". At last I understood why Becky was so angry; Becky was still nursing and I didn't want to nurse her anymore. I absolutely resented nursing her and her demands to nurse — and she knew it! How could I have been so blind?"

Good luck, ~Cath

[rupiezum]

Originally Posted by jess12808

Well I think she is almost ready to quit. She is only breastfeeding at naptime and bedtime. But I really didnt want to "forcefully" wean her. I thikn by her birthday(dec) she will be ready to be independent. She will be 2 and I think I will be ready to be done.
I am really worried about nipple damage too. This wasnt the first time she did this either. So I just suppose I dont know how to wean her? She doesnt really nurse at night at all unless I let her sleep with me(DP has been away on business so she has been in bed with me, but usually she is in her own bed next to ours). So now I am at the point where I just need to wonder, how do I at least maybe cut out her naptime nursing session? I mean these are the times where she just nurses to sleep and thats it, naptime is where I get the most resistance, cause she has a routine and sometimes doesnt like it...

She may be a bit young for this, but perhaps you could try this - let her know that you will be cutting out the naptime nursing. Put it in a very positive way - talking about what a big girl she is, and so on. Do a countdown - each time, say something like, "In seven more days, it will be the last time we nurse before naptime." Perhaps substitute something for the nursing, like a story or poem or song, so that she still has a routine, but you've changed it to take out the nursing. Just tossing out some ideas...

With regards to the physically hurting you - she needs to understand that it's not OK to hurt people. As another poster suggested, you can break her latch but gently but firmly pushing her into the breast - she will break her latch to breathe. Then as calmly as possible but very firmly tell her, "That hurts Mama, and that's not OK. I can't nurse you if you hurt me like that." And stick to your guns - you don't have to yell at her (I know you mentioned yelling out in pain - that's different) or make a huge scene, but just walk away.

Does that help at all?

[WannabeaFarmer]

I will have to try it. Like I said I really dont want to force it, cause I think she would react violently. SO if I try this and find she isnt quite ready yet then I will back off till she might seem closer to being ready. The force of her bite is to the point where I have to pry her jaw open. Its not a friendly lil nip, its a full fledged bite down like she is chewing type bite. So I am trying to be persistant, but sometimes I need you mammas for a lil reminder and back up
Thanks to you all
I will keep updating as things change as well..