ex's and the new loves in their lives

[peacefulmom]

ok I am really trying to be big about this....he has a gf who spends everyother weekend with my kids...they love herr...that initself sucks sometimes for me..I am wondering about others....
It is hard for me to imagine her holding my babies....
and I told ex i would meet her but underr my terms...not with kids I would like her and i to meet for coffee.....although that makes me nervous....
It is so painful I find..not that he has found another.....its that she gets to play mom to my babies .....i cant help it....
when ex cancelled his visit to work...he called and said she wanted to come pick up my kids and take them on his day...I just lost it. I said no , i have not met her, this is not her day, etc....man it just feel like he is so ok and happy that my feelings dont matter...but thats not new i guess....tell me how you all have handeled this

[TAC]

X has found a gf too. I thought it would be hugely distracting for him, it's not. At first the kids didn't want anything to do with her. They were annoyed she called every night. She lives out of state. They didn't want to know anything about her.

Now x has gone on vacation and she has come up several times on their vacation. They love her. They tell me how nice she is. I dont like that. I don't want her to be nice. I want them to hate her. But I will get over that. What is best for the kids..

It is my plan if she enters their lives to have a "sit down" with her. I plan to tell her as long as she is supportive of the children we will get along just fine. The minute she crosses this mama bear all bets are off. but if the kids think she is nice, she probably is. They have more to lose than I do. Dd is pretty astute and she will see right through anyones nonsense. Somehow she won her over. I'll give her a chance.

Just try to let it go, it's going to happen eventually.

[candiland]

My ex's gf is moving in with him and the kids this weekend (we have joint custody). She's 16 years younger than him, lol. She's very playful, young, energetic, and she and the kids love each other. For myself, I'm over the moon about all this, because exie-poo has been dumping off our kids on anyone that would take them so he could go spend time with his girlfriend who was a three hour drive away. Ooooh, I have some choice words for those decisions he'd been making. Grrrrrr. Luckily, this girl is very organized and motivated, unlike ex, so it's actually going to take a huge load off for me, as far as being the only adult responsible for our kids' lives 99% of the time.

I hear you about the "being mom to my babies" thing. I'm like, umm, this girl has never even BABYSAT for a kid, and now she's taking on the role of a momma? A while back, I piled her up with all my Waldorf/natural parenting books, so hopefully she can reference them. LOL, I have two very intense and intelligent kids, so this experience is gonna be sink or swim for this poor girl,

[sunflowers]

I really struggled with the idea of a mother-figure in my dd's life (other than myself of course ) It has gotten much better for me over the course of the year. I've met his wife and she really is a nice person who seems to genuninely love my baby. That really helped. Time helped, too.

Sometimes I get resentful of the fact that eX cancels visits when his wife is not available to be there and I don't have that option- not that I would ever give up the chance to spend time with my kids but as the CP I am the one that has to change plans when he decides this weeks visit interferes with something that comes up in his life. He doesn't have to scramble to find a sitter or not go to whatever event because there is nobody to be with the baby for those hours. He has never had to be a single parent and doesn't understand what it really entails, you know?

I'm also a bit po'd that he only sees his daughter as much as he does because of his wife. If she did not push him to take visits he'd certainly see her much less. I just don't get how easily he can go for a few weeks without seeing her It shouldn't take another person *pushing* him to want to spend time with our amazing girl.

Yeah. I'm very conflicted sometimes

[Vypros]

She sees them every other weekend.

Imagine what it will be like for him when you get with somebody and he is around your kids everyday.

I'm glad you are trying. That's big of you.

[katydid317]

My ex doesn't have a gf, but right now lives with 4 other guys, who apparently complain about the weekends Owen comes to visit because they aren't allowed to drink and party when he's visiting. but it seems to be ok and I trust that ex is taking care of Owen so I'm ok with it, but sometimes the fact that he lives in a party house bothers me way more than Owen having a step-mama. he's moving this weekend though, so good riddance.

I live with my bf so I have sympathy for the fact that that is hard for ex to deal with, but he is doing pretty good. so when he has somebody in his life who is around Owen, I'm going to just trust that he is making sure Owen is safe and not worry about who the girl is. He has a right to be happy with someone the same as I do. I get how hard it is to be a step-mom, so I'm not going to give the girl a hard time, and a step-mom is way different than a mom. I hope I'm really that cool about it when it happens...

[YinYang]

When I picked up my daughter a few weeks ago, there was a picture of his EX-WIFE on the refrigerator all at the same time.
I still get goose bumps. No freaking way. Of course, I'm having issues with this completely invalidating OUR marriage... ugh... I digress a bit.

On the other side... my mom and my sisters' mom ended up being quite amicable -- they each EVENTUALLY learned to realize that anyone that loved their kid was good.

I sometimes use this nowadays when my mom gets hurt because I've maintained relationships with a few people I was very close to growing up but that she has cut all ties with (her friends but I call them Aunt xyz and Uncle 123). I will still say, "They love me and they take the time to be supportive in my life. Ya gotta love someone that cares for your daughter."

Right or wrong, that is what I think. I just cannot apply it for the life of me at this stage of my divorce

[Oceanjones]

My ex's gf is a total hag. They have been together for years now. She had 3 kids when they got together and now they have 3 together. Amazing to me for a guy who told me a kid was too much work and cost too much money!

I'd like to think I would have made an effort to be at least civil but she told him when they got together he wasn't allowed to talk to me at all. She tried to get my dd who was 3 at the time to call her mommy and the couple times they had visitation the kids were all made to sit in a bedroom and weren't allowed out while they sat downstairs and partied. :

At least you ex picked someone decent who cares about your kids

Sounds like a good time to sit and watch Stepmom

[candiland]

OMG, Sarah, that is awful! She sounds like a Jerry Springer character!

[Twice as nice]

My ex's gf only met me & my DC once. Before meeting her, I was so worried about how I'd react and was just mortified by the thought that she would get to play "mommy" to my kids. Once I met her, my outlook on the situation really changed. She seemed to be a really great person, really calm & down to earth, AND she was very respectful to me and didnt overstep any boundaries as far as the DC are concerned. She's even sent presents for DC since then and said that she'd really like to see them again, but for some reason ex has not brought her around even though I told him that it would be fine (they are in a pretty serious relationship). He keeps pushing for unsupervised visitations, and I'm actually REALLY hoping that she's around once he does get unsupervised as 10 month old twins are really a handful to handle and I just dont think he can handle them by himself.

[Oceanjones]

Originally Posted by candiland

OMG, Sarah, that is awful! She sounds like a Jerry Springer character!

Totally! You should see the place they live now too. It's a really run down trailer, no running water and I hear the plumbing doesn't work either.
They both have umm...bathing issues:

[mymaybaby05]

Ok, here is one of my biggest fears about stbx finding a new love......
I have trouble thinking about him touching another woman. That is one of the biggest hurdles I have to get across. It would be easier for me to just drop him, if I didn't have to worry I'd be dropping him into someone elses arms. It'd be nice if he would just become celebit, or gay. (ok,just kidding)
I really think that if I would even see him with someone else I'd have to move to another town so I could avoid them.

[cheyennemama]

X found a g/f 3 wks after he left me. She seems fine. I knew the kids had met her before but when I found out X was taking the kids for the weekend to his parents' and she was going too, I insisted on meeting her. To my amazement, they came right over within a couple hrs. She's pretty. Older than X and I (by 8 yrs at least I estimate). She was very quiet and polite. She seemed .... meek. Maybe that's unfair but that's how she seemed and I've never had another conversation with her (in 10 mos!) to replace that impression.

The kids like her a lot. They've even spoken to her on the phone. The only thing that bothers me in relation to her is X. X never spends any alone time with the kids anymore. It was never frequent to begin with but now it's always X and g/f. It upsets me that they won't have private memories with their dad, only with the 2 of them together. Plus, they're too young to ever really remember their dad without g/f around. X never experiences single parenthood. He never "has to" (I use that term loosely) experience the stress of doing everything for both kids.

I wish at some point I could get to know her so I could feel better about her. I feel like I deserve to know who my kids sometimes live with! But I don't think X will ever allow that.