Party Etiquette Spin Off

[thomlynn]

I know we talk about this during the holidays but the recent birthday and raw milk issue got me thinking.

I know one of the suggestions if you're going to someone else's house is to bring a dish. Well, what if it is NOT a potluck type meal?? Is it rude to bring your own food if you don't have a specific medical reason for doing so (diabetes, celiac, etc.)??

What about people who don't want to eat your food. Do you buy margarine for a guest who refuses to eat butter?? Do you tell them they have to bring their own??

I have the mindset that you eat what is served. If someone only has margarine I will just have my roll dry kwim. How do you feel about this issue?? What other problems have you run into with your desire to eat better??

[Chicharronita]

I struggle with these issues all the time! In fact, I'm dreading going to an upcoming 4th of July cook-out at the ILs. They are extremely generous, and never want us to bring anything, but we end up bringing our own food and saying, "We got this on sale!" That's a bit awkward, but I really don't want to eat any mad cows or white-flour buns.

I was raised to never comment on food that is being served unless it's to complement it. I don't mind keeping my thoughts to myself, but I don't know what to do now that almost all food served at potlucks or barbecues have something extremely objectionable about it.

My taste buds have changed since going NT, and I find that almost all processed foods taste mildly to overly rancid because of the old oils people/restaurants are using.

It's difficult especially because I hardly ever talk about NT foods IRL. It's hard to know what to do in these social situations where I want to join in and eat with people, but the food is positively revolting. So far my only solution is to either bring real food or eat a lot before I leave the house.

I would never, ever buy margarine for a guest. Depending on the food, couldn't they use a dribble of EV olive oil instead?

[AJP]

I usually accept food offered in hospitality, even if it doesn't meet my personal preferences. However, if I know I'll be going somewhere that the food will be stuff I don't want to eat and don't want my family eating in any significant quantity, I try to make sure we eat something healthy before leaving home and/or plan to have something at home or during the drive home afterwards. Also, I try to minimize the times we end up in those kind of situations, without being totally anti-social. Luckily, many of our friends and family members serve healthy food or at least not absolute garbage, so we don't end up in those kind of situations too ofen. (I don't accept everything offered to me as a guest - for example, some people seem to offer soda as a matter of course to every person that enters their house, and I have no problem politely declining offers like that or asking for water instead.)

[MyLittleWonders]

We also try to make sure we fill up on healthy stuff before going. Being a Feingold family helps too; I can bring our own desserts and such and just explain that my boys are allergic to food coloring. We are also doing a 30 day gluten-free trial, which makes it easier too. But, even without those, we try to be selective in the things we choose to eat at parties/bbq's, and dh always brings a half-gallon raw milk with us to wash it all down with.

[newcastlemama]

I make crowd pleasers when I have people over for dinner. I won't buy margerine or anything like that, but if I knwthey love mashed potatoes for example, I will work to incorporate that. People seem happy when they eat here because there is no 'diet' food, just home cookin! And that makes me


We will generally eat what we are served but politely decline extra total junk (sodas, candy, margerine, ect) at social events. Sometimes I will bring a little thing of snacks (like fruit, nuts) if we are hanging out somewhere all day and I know there won't be good choices. I just say that I don't want our family to eat all their food (which is true)....my husband seriously eats A LOT! I carry snacks for him when we run errands!

I have an issue eating at people homes who know about my food allergies but just don't seem to care. Sometimes there will be nothing that I can eat or I will be offerred someting like an unseasoned chicken breast (ewww!) I was talking to dh and he thinks that since I know who won't be accomodating at all at this point, just bring my little cooler of food just in case. I guess I just think it is weird to have a guest in your home and not care if they can eat any of what you are serving. Or just warn me so I can be prepared!

Jen

[caedmyn]

My DD is allergic/intolerant to about 90% of the foods on the planet...thus far I've just avoided eating anywhere but at home (for the last 5 months since we discovered all her intolerances). But I can't do that forever, so I guess I'll just have to bring food for us. On the bright side, it does make it easier to refuse food I really don't want to eat anyway (well okay, sometimes I would really like to eat ice cream and pizza) since I can just say DD's allergic to it. Before she was allergic to everything I generally just ate small amounts of the least objectionable things, and occasionally "splurged" and ate whatever looked good.

newcastlemama--I can sympathize, last time we visited relatives they kept offering ice cream and pastries even though they knew DD's allergic to wheat and dairy. I think they just weren't used to thinking of foods in terms of the ingredients. They also made a dish that had some dairy in it, and I didn't realize it had dairy in it until I saw it being made...after I'd already eaten some the last time they made it! Grrr...I don't have a problem making my own food, but at least tell me when you add things we can't have!

[mamabohl]

I always just eat whatever is being offered...if I think it's very likely that I won't like anything or that it will be really horrible I might snack a bit before going. As far as using margarine for a guest - no way. I've never had a guest complain about the deliciousness of butter though, lol. They usually make some silly comment about gaining 10 lbs while eating it though. The only time I would make special purchases is for vegetarians/vegans and allergies.

[lolar2]

I do have specific medical issues, and I just pick and choose among what's available. I eat before or after if I think there will be a problem.

[wendye]

This is definitely a hard issue. We just went to my in-laws last night for dinner. My MIL always makes comments like "I just don't know what you guys will eat now". We don't have any allergies so there are no good excuses. I was worried about what my kids would be eating....so I did bring them some raw milk and organic carrots and grapes.... and some cookies made with sprouted flour and coconut oil. Anyways, after my sons plates were made up my 7 year old picked up a bottle of fat free ranch dressing and accidentally spilled half the bottle all over his food. I didn't see this until after it happened. I wiped up as much as I could. My son wanted me to leave it on his plate so he could eat it all. He loves ranch dressing. I looked at the ingredients and about choked. MSG and Propylene Glycol. Now, the organic carrots and grapes were slathered in this dressing. Yuck! Later he wanted some "no sugar added" ice cream and I said "no way it has Splenda".

I know I need to be gracious about eating at their home but I just can hardly stand it. Before NT we used to go over to eat about once every two weeks. Now, it is like once every two months. I have had them over our house more often though.

Just needed to vent.

[Chicharronita]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

I can sympathize, last time we visited relatives they kept offering ice cream and pastries even though they knew DD's allergic to wheat and dairy. I think they just weren't used to thinking of foods in terms of the ingredients.

Bingo! That must be it. I was like that too before I become obsessed with health and nutrition, but that was almost 20 years ago so it's hard to remember.

After I read NT, I couldn't go to a regular grocery store for about a year without a wave of disgust and creepiness coming over me. I still don't go to them very often, but at least some of them carry organic stuff now.

[Chicharronita]

Originally Posted by mamabohl

They usually make some silly comment about gaining 10 lbs while eating it though.

Ironically, the very people in my life who worry about fat in food are overweight, and certainly weigh more than me! They don't see the irony for some reason, though. :

[Chicharronita]

Originally Posted by wendye

My son wanted me to leave it on his plate so he could eat it all. He loves ranch dressing. I looked at the ingredients and about choked. MSG and Propylene Glycol.

That is one of my pet peeves—Poisons Lurking in Salad Dressing!!!! (where's the creepy music icon?). I don't know what's worse—soybean oil in the "regular" dressings, or the chemicals in the fat-free ones.

Just think of all the people who go out of their way to make a "healthful" salad, and then end up putting all these toxins on it! It's so sad.

[thomlynn]

Originally Posted by wendye

My MIL always makes comments like "I just don't know what you guys will eat now". We don't have any allergies so there are no good excuses.

This is our main issue. We have no reall issue with food so people don't understand why we don't want ________ "just for one meal".

My main issue for dd is sugar. I am SUPER sugar sensitive and I do not want her growing up with the same crazy sugar cravings/addiction that I have and am working hard to overcome.

Can we talk about what you do when you've got people coming to your house?? Can you afford the good stuff for them?? For those that can't what do you do?? This is where I need ideas!!! : : :

[Tcarwyn]

Originally Posted by thomlynn

T

Can we talk about what you do when you've got people coming to your house?? Can you afford the good stuff for them?? For those that can't what do you do?? This is where I need ideas!!! : : :

Well, this one I have an answer to ( not the other question, we just kind of eat what is offered...under silent protest )

But for large groups coming over that I am supposed to feed: rice an beans!!! Every few weeks dh's writers group meets at our house and I have to cook for 8 adults and two kids and among them there is one vegetarian, three gluten intolerant folks and 1 nut allegy, and hatred of mushrooms and coconut and bell peppers...

So I make a huge pot of rice a beans, with lots of veggies(garlic , onions, celery, carrots, leeks) serve with a big salad and if I am feeling generous some sausages on the side...rave reviews and totally cheap

Tanya

[MyLittleWonders]

We tend to use some of the ground beef we have in the freezer to make hamburgers, or we'll put a chicken on the rotisserie. Often I'll make homemade beans (pinto and black beans are really cheap), and like Tanya said, often those are paired with rice. Usually the only people we have coming over are the grandparents (we aren't big entertainers) and we just make extra of whatever we were going to make anyway (though admittedly, we aren't very NT on our food ... and we tend to refuse to shop in regular grocery stores for them ). My mom knows that if she wants her Lay's BBQ chips (omg the ingredients), then she is responsible for getting them herself. We'll get the good stuff with only 3, recognizable ingredients - potatoes, oil, and sea salt - but she can bring the yucky things. The only person that ever complains in my dad's gf, but she's a PITA anyway, so I don't put much stock in what she says or wants. It's the worse when we have to go to her house or my dad's house though ... they honestly refuse to accept that we eat differently or that there are things we don't want to feed our children.

[thomlynn]

I really like the rice and beans idea. I get caught up in the idea of trying to have this nice, impressive meal that I forget the simple, yet much healthier, things.

We really only have family over too, so it shouldn't be a huge deal serving something simple. That is going to be the plan from now on. I'm no longer going to try to impress anyone, I'm just cooking something I don't mind eating and if it's not fancy enough, they'll just have to deal with it.

Thanks for the idea. Now all I have to do is get through the birthday party tomorrow. : Think dd will mind having rice and beans for her second birthday???

[soliloquy72]

Since my DH has a serious condition (aplastic anemia) people seem to understand that we bring our own food. He's not required to be on a special diet, but we've been pretty vocal about how his recent diagnosis has helped us to drastically change our lifestyle.

My DH will not eat food that is not WAPF. For myself and the kids, we do our very best to eat only WAPF but I will make exceptions when elderly family members offer us food--they don't seem to understand as much, many of them see processed foods as something that released them from the tyranny of the kitchen.

We bring our own food and I try to bring a healthy dessert as well so that Pumpkin doesn't get upset if she sees another dessert being offered. But, if I think she's going to get really upset, I'll let her have a small amount of the dessert being offered, unless I suspect it has a lot of hydrogenated oils. We try to be in another area when dessert is being served so she doesn't even see it, though. It's almost always worked, too.

[Rachel J.]

If it's my family visiting then we usually use "the good stuff." But not long ago we had about 20+ extended family members here to celebrate ds's baptism and dh said we weren't going to use up all our good ground beef so we got the regular junk meat from the grocery store. I'd prefer to feed everyone food that I know is healthy for them but since they don't seem to care and we can't necessarily afford it, I'm okay with occasionally buying the other stuff. I won't, however, provide crap like margerine or fake sugars and I still try to cut back on the amount of sugar used in things like tea or desserts (although dh gives me heck about it).

[Chicharronita]

Originally Posted by Rachel J.

If it's my family visiting then we usually use "the good stuff." But not long ago we had about 20+ extended family members here to celebrate ds's baptism and dh said we weren't going to use up all our good ground beef so we got the regular junk meat from the grocery store. I'd prefer to feed everyone food that I know is healthy for them but since they don't seem to care and we can't necessarily afford it, I'm okay with occasionally buying the other stuff.

That's a good compromise. I would probably do the same thing—although the thought of having that many people over is overwhelming!

[avent]

Chili and/or soup can be les expensive. Make it a veggie bean soup but use chicken or beef stock to save money. Fritattas can be less expensive as well. I can feed 5 people with a dozen-egg fritatta, which is the cost of a dozen eggs plus whatever veggie I put in and a bit of grated cheese.

I've done the "breakfast for dinner" trick with friends and family as well. Soaked flour pancakes, french toast, and eggs all seem cheaper than standard dinner entrees.