If you left, were you happy you did?

[sweetc]

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[StephandOwen]

I left my ex when ds was just under 2 months old. My only regrets have nothing to do with leaving my ex, it has to do with things I didn't do, trying to play nice.

I am 100% happy with my life right now. It was rough after I left him, I won't lie. The first few months were the hardest. But it was rough while I was still with him too, only it was even more stressful. At least after I left him I KNEW I had to do it alone, and I didn't have to worry about ex anymore.

Now, 3 1/2 years later, I've met a new man. A man who treats me with respect and loves me for who I am. I will be marrying him someday. I never would have met him, and learned what a man *should* treat a woman like, if I'd never left my ex.

So, no, I don't ever regret leaving my ex.

[Oceanjones]

I've never been in your situation as I have not been married but I just wanted to send you some You have a lot to think about. The grass always looks greener on the other side and I hope if you decide to leave that it truly is for you. Good luck with your decision!

[Linda in OZ]

Yep, I felt that cloud lifted off my soul when I left. I am happy for the 1st time in a long time.

[cjuniverse]

It's been hard, not because I miss my husband per se, but because I miss having 'someone' there for me at the end of the day.

However, I know ending it was the right choice. I didn't love him. I couldn't love him. I tried and tried...it just wasn't there. It made me miserable knowing that I would never love again, never have passion, never actually *want* to have sex, never have any real emotional connection...

I'd rather die alone searching for something real than go to sleep every night next to someone who isn't it...wondering what might've been if I'd just had the courage to go after what I want.

[emma_goldman]

Try reading "too good to leave too bad to stay" or the other way around. I found it at my library and it was recommended here several times.

Good book. But I still haven't decided either. Something that the author points out is how damaging ambivalence can be. So read the book.

[katydid317]

I felt sooo good when I left my ex. It helped that I moved in with my parents so I had help and support and wasn't alone and worrying that I'd done the right thing or not. but then when I moved back out on my own he was back around again and we considered reconciling, but by then I'd had a taste of life without him and when he started getting weird and controlling on me, I was able to stand up for myself and get him back out of my life.

it was still hard to get over him, but even during times when I was lonely, I could remember how good things were going for me, and hoe lonely and unhappy I'd been with him. we did, however, have a spectacularly lousy marriage so it's not like there was a lot of good to miss. and we had also tried counselling and I went on my own for a bit after so I did not feel like I hadn't tried hard enough to fix things. I left knowing I'd done all I could but that leaving was the best thing to do.

[A&A]

You have to make a choice. If you're really serious about making your marriage work, you need to cut all ties with the other man. He's clouding your vision right now as to whether or not you can make your marriage work.

And of course his marriage "is rocky, too" --you're in the picture.

[sweetc]

Thank you for your replies. Some are a little hard to take, but truthful. And I appreciate that.

I did read the book, and found a lot in it to think about.