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Pregnant with #1 in our 30s July - Page 2

post #21 of 303
Thread Starter 
Elizabeth, that's great your mom seemed to realize that if you wanted her in the birthing room you would've invited her. Phew! Good luck at your appt today!

Pie, I know what you mean about not being focused on work. I mean, there's this other HUGE THING going on in our lives, it's kinda hard for me to buckle down and taken care of business, you know?
post #22 of 303
dh, who has made no secret that he thinks my mdc'ing at work is like hitting the self-destruct button, helped me this morning by reframing my feelings for my clients (and the kids, because a custody fight is always the underlying threat, and the leverage for everything else) as a mamabear thing. if i can think of it that way, maybe i can get through this.
post #23 of 303
i have an irrational urge to splurge on a few pairs of these: http://store.shoesthatloveyou.com/in...WPROD&ProdID=7 it's probably related to feeling so dumpy...
post #24 of 303
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
i have been very not focused on work lately, which is potentially a disaster. today in particular -- the day before 2 trials -- i was all over the internet re baby stuff and all on the phone re shower planning (my own : ) and not all about the cases. the thing is, i really like these cases/clients. it's like i know i can get away with doing less than my best. : my therapist thinks this is good for me but i feel so GUILTY. like a fraud. there, i let it out. thanks, team. i love you all.
You have described my psychology pretty exactly. I've had this sort of attitude for a couple of years (and I had to have a therapist help me out with it too -- like, okay, so you don't put everything into your job. so what?) but it is BAD right now. Although the thing is, I'm not really sure I AM doing less than my best, if that makes sense. Don't I NEED to take care (mentally and physically) of the baby? Of me growing the baby? Of making sure I'm ready for the baby's birth and presence?

There's a huge thing for work that was due yesterday that I just. didn't. do. (What will they do? Fire me? I would almost welcome being fired from my high school class, now that I have the "better" class.) And I don't know if I'll do it this afternoon either (I have to teach the other class this morning). I have to do yoga or my joints are going to explode. It's only Tuesday and I'm tired as all get out, which makes me grouchy and generally a pain to be married to. I just want to surf the internet like I used to, research, go for walks, cook a dinner, enjoy life. I'm grouchy because I can't do that, and I'm grouchy because even though I've been WORKING for hours there's still more to do in the next half an hour to really strategize how best to move this class forward than I can do. So, all that work, and yet I'm still not as prepared as I'd like. And I have to eat and shower too.

I like my students and my classes, but I guess mama bear instinct is winning out. Here's hoping we all make it through the day.
post #25 of 303
Pie - CUTE SHOES!!! I wonder how comfy they are? I know what you mean about work - I've had some major hearings lately and have not been as thorough as I probably could have been on all of them. They also kept me busy enough that I feel like I'm also not devoting the energy I need to to the pregnancy... So, I'm not doing a great job at either... It is really frustrating. My plan is to really try to refocus beginning this week (things are slowing down a tad at work). It is hard when you have really major stuff sitting on your lap, though. I still have a boss trying to dump his workload on me, too. I'm getting tired of saying NO! Today he's off meeting the movers at his new house and he also asked me to pick up some of his work because he's too busy... Um, huh?! Then don't move during the middle of a busy week!
post #26 of 303
My 1st appointment went well. We saw the heartbeat and found out that I am 8w3d along, which is very close to what I thought. The OB thought everything looked perfect. Yay!

Happy 4th to you all!
post #27 of 303
weird how we are all having totally parallel relationships with work -- not feeling devoted enough to it, feeling guilty about that, and also feeling drained by it and like it is taking away from the attention we want to devote to the baby. so i would not say that today in court went swell. i am going to try to recover from it emotionally.
post #28 of 303
so dh is urging me to stay at work (it's 7:30) and prepare for a big meeting/evaluation i have with my boss on thursday morning. i feel beat from the trial (got beaten up by opposing counsel, it felt yucky, but ultimately nothing that hurt my client, just hurt my ego). so i went and sugar-loaded to carry me through. another example of why i resent my job, how it takes away from taking care of my baby, and how i wouldn't resent it if it were truly a 9 to 5 dealie. meanwhile, dh is freaked that i am, in his view, pushing the self-destruct button. he is just so devoted to his career and i always was until pregnancy... i think he thinks i do really care about my job and how my performance is perceived, and if i don't get good feedback, i will regret it... maybe he is right. i just can't do it all. at least i had a hot fudge sundae.

the only good news is that he agreed to go to the beach tomorrow!! i love the beach (emily, i totally feel you on missing the beach vaca this year) and he doesn't, but he will go to make me happy.
post #29 of 303
ok, i need a day off from work.
post #30 of 303
CJ thanks so much for updating us! I loved the long rambling post - it was filled with great info. I'm debating whether to have a 1-2 week babymoon or not. My mom will come whenever I want her to, and I'm sure earlier is better for her b/c it's her first grandchild. But my dad would be coming too b/c he's retired and he LOVES babies, probably more than my mom. Makes me worry about them hogging the baby, yk? Plus I've heard that PPD doesn't hit til after 2 weeks and I'd like her support then, just in case. I'd love to know more about the good and bad aspects of your mom being there the first two weeks. Ella sounds like a real doll, diaper blowouts and all! How neat that you're getting the hang of BFing and mothering in general so quickly - it's really wonderful. I'm glad you're feeling good about the birth now too, you should b/c you did an amazing job.

Laura wow I can't believe you're 29 weeks already! I read that birth story and can't stop thinking about it. It was really inspiring. I can only hope to be that calm during birth and hopefully it's won't be UC breech!

PiePie and Minnow - OMG I can identify with not being focused on work. Sorry you both had a rough Tuesday. Hooray for a mid-week holiday, right? I'm blaming 3 A's: allergies, anemia and ADHD. The latter is inattentive type, not hyperactivity, and can't be treated during pregnancy. I'm barely making it out of the house every morning, then doing as little as possible during the day (mostly involving obsessively editing my baby registries that no one knows about). Clumsiness has started too, so I'm starting to worry about how much longer it'll be safe for me to work in the lab.

Some sad news from my DDC involving a member of this thread, just wanted to pass it along. :
post #31 of 303
Dee - Such very tragic news for Christy... I don't even have words...

Pie - You need a break, honey, enjoy tomorrow. My dh worries about my job too, since I'm clearly less involved than I normally am but am still working harder than I probably should. I'm sorry court didn't go well.

CJ and everyone - I have pretty bad diastasis recti going on here... Like at least 3-4 inches of separation already... I found ONE site that lists an excercise (sort of a modified crunch) to help it during pregnancy, but with my ab muscle that's pulled I'm still under instructions to rest them as much as I can... I'm a little freaked out about how bad it will get - this is my first pregnancy! I have naturally very stretchy ligaments (which has also caused shoulder problems for which I "should" have surgery...) so I guess it makes sense that my ligaments in my tummy are also hyper stretchy. I have had a lot of stretching-type pains throughout the pregnancy - maybe they're worse because of this? It makes me nervous to have this much separation this early.

Otherwise, the doctor's appointment went well. I'm still gaining weight at well over 1 lb a week, but what can you do when you can't excercise? Baby looks good and he told me her position since I was curious. The bump I keep feeling is her hip (just to the left of my belly button) and her hands and feet about about where I thought so I'm happy that I can tell where she is! She's facing my right side with her body on the left.

Hope you all have a happy 4th.
post #32 of 303
I am NOT in a good mood.

Emily, it is not wrong to be wishing a year of your life away for your annual vacation. The best week for us to have gone on vacation this year was the last week in May. We couldn't take our usual July 4 week in Lakeside, OH (on Lake Erie), because our pastor is on vacation this week. Yesterday morning I realized the week and was a bit bummed. If it's possible to be in love with a town, I am. Blech.

I think I may have had some BH. Last week, I was squatting in front of my closet (actually, I was sitting on my heels). When I got up, I felt really sharp, bad pains (when are pains good?) under my baby belly in my abdominal area. I sat down on the bed and laid back breathing and praying and asking the baby to give me one good kick to let me know she was okay. She did. Yay. A little freaky. Later that week, I was getting out of the car and maybe just turned wrong, but I felt another sharp pain. It lasted just a step or two. I'm going to tell my doctor about them tomorrow.

I got up early because I was awake. The plan was to have an early breakfast and start some work. This was four hours ago. Yikes. My husband is still in bed, which is okay. When he was up for a couple of minutes ago, he asked if anything was wrong and I just told him that there was too much to be done and I haven't done any of it. Ugh.

I don't even work and I'm feeling the same way as you guys. PiePie summed up my feelings very well. Except that I know that some of the things I do will help the baby. Now I feel like I'm being selfish and a bad mother. I hate that feeling of being a bad mother and she's not even born yet. This whole moving thing is overwhelming me, especially since we're not going to have much help when we move into the townhouse, a month before the baby is due.

I'm not focusing. The more I think about things, like birthing stuff, and looking forward to the birth, I just start to feel more overwhelmed and freaked. Im not used to planning, but just letting things happen. When I do try and do some research, I get more freaked and overwhelmed.

The good news is that my husband isn't normally home much, so he doesn't really get to see my bad mood. Monday he said I was being clingy which I was and didn't care. As it is, I have the overwhelming urge to curl up next to him in bed.

As for the birth, I will want my mommy. We don't have some sappy TV mother daughter thing, but she's still my mommy. I haven't asked her yet, but I would like for her to stay a week after the baby is born. Then my MIL the next week, but since she hasn't let my SIL drive to school yet (the girl is in college, for pity's sake) it doesn't look possible. At least my SIL is going to have a class at the Ohio State University main campus in Columbus (she's going to a branch in Mansfield, OH) so my MIL will be visiting for a couple of hours on Tuesday and Thursdays for the first quarter.

Okay. I should have gotten up by now for my second cup of coffee which is not helping. Then, when I'm done with that, I'm going to attack my closet.

Im not going to unpack much after we move, since we'll be moving again less than a year later. Hopefully. I'm just going to label everything and hopefully have a say where my boxes are put in the basement (a his and hers side, maybe). If my mom can't help me move, I wonder if she'll come and help me pack. Nah. I don't want to see how much I've not done. On the plus side, they're coming next week for my shower and I want to show off what I've done and that will kick my butt some. It has to.

Okay. Im done venting.
post #33 of 303
Laura - You should still mention your pain to your doctor, but it sounds like you might be experiencing some round ligament pain. Painful, but normal. I have two or three episodes this pregnancy and I am always kinda shocked at how the pain can take your breathe away. Here is a link if you are interested ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN

CJ - Thanks for the update. So happy to hear that you are enjoying mommyhood! Hooray. I think your advice about getting back to something that makes you feel good/normal is really important. I have a feeling that for me, it is going to be super important to be able to go back to my pilates and yoga classes.

Pie Yeah, work is kicking my butt. I have always resented those women who get pregnant and then become "worthless" at work and now I AM that women!!! It is horrible. I have invested so much time and energy into my career and now I am like, eh, whatever. Every time I think about sitting down and writing I just feel either panic (like I can't DO this anymore) or boredom (I just don't CARE anymore). At this point I can't decide if it would be better for me to just stay this way (and go get a McJob after the babe is born) or if I wish it would go away so that I could start salvaging my train wreck of a career. Hopefully getting these two grants in (painful and horrible as the whole grant writing experience is) will at least give me a small buffer to figure out what the $%^& I want to do.

Dee - Ah, what horrible news for Christy. My heart is breaking for her.
post #34 of 303
Dee...thanks for letting us know about Christy. It's so sad, I don't even know what to say. So unfair.

CJ...thanks for the long update, I've been wondering how it's going. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks already! Thx for the exercise info...I plan to get right back into my hot yoga (which I'm sorely missing right now) as soon as I can walk! I went and bought the Lose Your Mummy Tummy book last night... that looks really helpful. I have always prided myself on my flat abs (even though I have some junk in the trunk and DH and I made a deal that after I'm done having kids I get to go have a tummy tuck if I need it. How nice to think there's a way to avoid that maybe. Love looking at the pics of G! She's so sweet. I'm glad she's sleeping well.

Aimee...congrats on seeing the heartbeat, isn't that the most amazing thing?

Pie...cute shoes! Do it! They look comfy. I'm having a hard time focusing on work...not because I'm doing all this reading (I'm not) but because I'm just, I don't know, not in that mindset. I hope you're enjoying your day off!

Rebecca... our annniversary is 10/28/06. I loved our fall wedding! Yes, we got right to work...we'd been talking about kids since we first met, and we put it off for a few months but this timing worked out well for my work schedule (I work less in the winter so it was a good time to have a baby). People kept telling us to wait and "enjoy being married" but I think it was the right time for us. I'm 36 and I'd never tried to get pregnant before so I guess I was thinking it might take us a while...oops! Second try! Guess we were ready to have a family, cuz it's happening!

DH and I are going to enjoy our last day off together...I'll have Mondays off during the show but it's his busiest day, so from here on out we're basically roommates passing in the hallway if we're lucky! We're going to go see a matinee, and then have a late late dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House (mmmm, at least now that I'm pregnant...did I mention how much this baby loves meat), to celebrate my being halfway in the pregnancy (20 weeks this week) and his official job offer from Homeland Security.
post #35 of 303
Elizabeth - you know I didn't even pay attention to how much separation was happening during the pregnancy. but ouch I wouldn't want to do ab work during that time - I hope it's not too bad for you!

Pie - enjoy the beach! even extra for those of us landlocked (and sweating) in the desert.

Laura - I agree with Dee that sounds like round ligament pain. ouch. You are dealing with so much right now it's not surprising that you are overwhelmed. Try to remember to take one step at a time, and breathe!

Lane and Dee - actually breastfeeding in front of my mom, close as we are, was one of my main concerns too. Because I gave birth in a birth center I was home in just a few hours. Great to be in my own bed but I definitely needed extra help right away. My MW sent us home with a pamphlet that was all about how I was the Queen and needed to be in bed WITH my baby pretty much all the time My mom was awesome about doing all the gruntwork in addition to getting to hold the baby when I couldn't or needed a break (which was often). I think DH was able to bond with babe more because of her help. Maybe some of those post-birth hormones affected this but I didn't really care at the time who saw my boobs (they were so sore they were out alot). I also had no problem speaking up when I needed something and didn't care if it sounded bossy - I curtailed some of the baby holding several times by simply saying Bring Her To Me Now!. Now if it had been DH's parents it would have been a different story - they aren't coming until 8 weeks and that already seems too soon to me : anyway I think as much as you can set some expectations ahead of time, the better. I think Dr. Sears had some good descriptions of what to expect postpartum that maybe you could share. I haven't noticed clear signs of ppd but I'm not sure having my mom around later, including for ppd support, would have been better.

in other news I finally watched the video of our birth today, and much to my relief I love the video. I can't believe how calm and quiet I am at the end - I definitely had different memories of that birth!
post #36 of 303
Originally Posted by rock_dr View Post
in other news I finally watched the video of our birth today, and much to my relief I love the video. I can't believe how calm and quiet I am at the end - I definitely had different memories of that birth!
interesting. dh really wants a video of the birth. i feel disinclined, shall we say. we had friends visiting last weekend with their 21-mo. old dd and they urged the video thing on us. her brother did the taping. glad you like it! wild that it's different from your memory of the same event!

no beach for me today. it's not hot at all and it's very gray. we saw a matinee and i cried (don't i always these days?) and had to pee twice. dh finished good nights by j. gordon and is totally pro keeping baby in our bed well past babyhood!! (which i'm not so much) we also selected our king sized mattress. he is now absorbed in reading baby minds, by l. acredolo.

okay, i am going to try to ease into a prenatal workout dvd.
post #37 of 303
Elizabeth the diastasis recti doesn't sound like fun at all - I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Can you do pelvic tilts to make it better? I thought you weren't supposed to do them after 5 months but I hear lots of things. : Can anything be done to prevent it, or prevent it from getting worse?

Emily ugh it *is* hard being pregnant and working. You're not the first or only one going through the feelings of apathy and panic, I promise! I hope the grant writing is coming easily when you can concentrate on it, and you're right that you'll feel better when they've been submitted. Don't you always?

I unfortunately don't have a hard deadline and my motivation to finish in December is evaporating. Or should I say has evaporated? I'm fully aware that I should be working 60 hours a week to get data but I just. can't. do. it. Graduating in May sounds so much better to me too - I'd get to spend more time at home with my baby (while writing in Spring) instead of frantically completing my diss, putting together a defense and looking for jobs when she's only days or weeks old. I still haven't figured out how I'll make money during the Fall semester in that scenario though.

Julia I hope you enjoyed your steak! My DH and I have worked opposite schedules for years now. We hate it but we have the same weekend days off & try to make up for it. There are definite benefits: we're always looking forward to seeing each other and we get the alone time that each of us needs. It'll be great when the baby gets here too b/c we can take shifts. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have the same schedule, haha.

CJ I'm glad you liked your birth video. I haven't seriously considered filming my birth but you've made me think about it. Thanks for the advice on having mom around after birth. I'm still undecided but you made it sound like a good thing. Maybe I'll do a 1 week babymoon instead of 2? I love that you weren't shy about being the Queen too! I hope I don't have any boobie hangups around my parents - I'm very comfortable in my body but the 'rents can add a different dimension to a lot of things!

PiePie sorry you didn't make it to the beach but I hope you got a little workout in. I really am going to try a workout one of these days...
post #38 of 303
Originally Posted by veganone View Post
I have pretty bad diastasis recti going on here... Like at least 3-4 inches of separation already...

so today my mw told me that 95% of pregnany women get it. i had read 25% on the internet. a pretty big difference, if you ask me!
post #39 of 303
so i seem to be going through some health and hubby problems. not good. last night i got extremely severe and concentrated pain in my right foot/ankle. i have had swollen feet for a while, with the left being consistently worse. they are painful but feel more like an allover bruise. this was different -- like i had broken something or gotten a really bad sprain, i just couldn't figure out how. i would rank this up there with the top 5 pains of my life. i was screaming and went into shock (vomiting, shivering) and instructing dh to do different things to help me, e.g., stroke my hair. he was not good at it at all. he got caught up in researching what was going on with me on google and ignored me. worse, when he tried to help me he would bump me and make it hurt more, and when i would yelp in reaction he would get really really angry with me (which of course was frustration with himself, but anger at me was of how it came out). worst of all, he launched into this whole speech about how i am going to suck at natural childbirth.

i spoke to my mw by phone, she was at the hosp and advised me not to go because it was full of 4th of july accidents. so my other mw saw me early this morning, diagnosed a torn achilles tendon, and sent me to a physical therapist. and ordered me off of my feet all weekend. dh went into a frenzy that there were no docs for this covered on our insurance -- again this comes out as anger toward me. the insurance is through his job, and he feels like a loser because he is not being a good provider because his insurance is so crappy. so my mw goes off on what terrible insurance that is and is oblivious to my attempts to shut her up as dh gets more and more wound up. the mw is adamant that i have to see someone today and dh schedules an appt with someone out of network. which i am fine with -- emergencies like these are what savings are for, right? i do not skimp on my health. also dh goes off on the immobility plan -- we are going to washington this weekend for my shower, and now it's all my fault that we are going to be "trapped." he doesn't want to spend the $ to rent a car. one could say that this is not the time to economize on transp, but i know that he will be a nightmare to drive down with, so i welcome the train -- i can sit very far away from him.

so the physical therapist was wonderful. she diagnosed that it is not the achilles tendon but rather nerve damage caused by the swelling. she pressed on both feet and they felt way better. hadn't realized how constant the pain had been till they felt better, yk? but in the process of pressing on them i feel pain and have a vasovagal reaction -- throwing up, the whole works. unfortunaately she feels the need to mention that i am going to need an epidural with labor; i tell her that it out of the question and she iss smart enough to drop the subjectso she says she needs to see me tomorrow morning before we leave for dc. dh throws a fit that that will mean taking a more expensive train. hearing any themes here? so i am like crying into the phone at the physical therapist's office, she at least sees that i am in pain (why my husband can't i don't know), and offers to see me twice next week instead of tomorrow so i can end the fight with dh. so then dh freaks that i am planning on seeing an uncovered provider twice next week. i don't care how much she costs -- i need to feel better!! so i come home, collapse with exhaustion. dh comes home, yells at me for being in bed -- he thinks it's depression, not exhaustion, and that somehow depression is an assault on him, you know, me consciously trying to hurt him and or being a bad mother (ok, so that's a fear).

i tell him that he has to keep his financial fears separate from my health care and the baby's -- i am going to get what i need (i have my own job and my own savings, not to mention that my father would be happy to fork over $200 so that his daughter could see a specialist she needed to see. he freaks out and says he will divorce me if i ask my father for $, and i say go for it (at the moment i have no hope for the relationship survuving baby's 1st yr.) he pouts for hours and then says he gives me carte blanche on the whole physical therapy thing, as if until that moment he somehow had the power to control my healthcare. i tell him that's missing the point -- the point is that i don't even want to hear his resentment about "his" $ vs. my health, just like i didn't need to hear him express his lack of confidence in my ability to accomlish MY goal natural childbirth. he launches into this whole thing about how i'm failing the baby by not doing enough prenatal exercises, eating well enough, etc. i am at the end of my rope, folks.

and the physical therapist thinks i should drop down to 3 days a week of work. truthfully i would love it, but i fear my boss would rather i just quit instead (especially given my not so admirable performance in court on tuesday afternoon). dh freaked that i "shouldn't" be that "disabled." like it would spoil his fun! who the hell is living with pregnancy here anyway?!

p.s. and i think he will fail me as a birth partner because he can't put his own feelings on the back burner for a while and focus on what i need. i really want a doula!
post #40 of 303
Pie I'm so sorry you had such a horrible couple of days. Sometimes men panic when they feel powerless. Not making an excuse. He shouldn't have said those things to you! I'm sorry you had to listen to that.
I totally think a doula is worth it...I made some calls to start finding one today. It's a lot of pressure on our DH's and they're not pro's, you know? I know whenever my husband sees me upset, he gets upset. I told him not to get upset last time I was, and he said "Well, I'm sorry, but that's how marriage works. When you're upset, I get upset." So hiring someone to remain calm so DH can take breaks (or leave if he's acting inappropriate) is totally what they're there for.
There are different kinds of pain...the kind that lets you know that you're hurt is, from what I hear (obviously I haven't been through it yet) , different from labor pain which is "productive" and you can get through it. Last summer I closed the car door on my thumb (ten minutes after getting engaged, oops) and the orthopaedist poked a hole through my thumbnail with a freakin needle or something, and I swear to god I've never been in so much pain. I betcha labor is different. (At least I hope so!)
I'm trying to say, good for you for sticking up for yourself with DH and also with the doctor about your decision for no epi. Sounds like a doula is just what you need! If it weren't so darned expensive, I'd also suggest you take a trip to the Kennedy Center to see Phantom of the Opera for some cheering up while you're in town but I unfortunately can't get you tickets. (I'm just a lowly pit musician.)
I hope you can find a way to enjoy DC a little and enjoy your shower. I'm so sorry you had such a crappy time. again
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