Pregnant with #1 in our 30s July - Page 3

[~minnow~]

Oh, holy cats, Piepie. That sounds awful. I can relate to the hubby sometimes not getting the physical nature of what's going on with me and acting like a jerk about it. It does sound like your DH is upset about not being able to control circumstances. I bet (hope) he's better after you guys get out of the particular high pressure situation you're in.

I know you planned to work till the end of July, but I don't know. Maybe you can just quit early? It seems to me like you said you had several months of "leave" stored up. I know you want to spend as much time as possible with the babe, but it sounds like your job is really doing a number on your health and maybe even setting you up for a more difficult birth situation (in that you'll be stressed and worn out, rather than relaxed). I spent this week seriously considering quitting one of my jobs but I took a day off and think I'm going to tough it out. (It's only two more weeks...) Still, the thought that I *could* do that if I needed to, to keep myself well, was empowering and helpful. And it sounds like your situation is SO much more demanding and exhausting. I don't mean this suggestion to be stressful, just... thinking out loud that from an outside perspective, if you could swing it it sounds like it might be worth considering.

(My DH and I pull out the "then divorce me" card during fights sometimes. I'm not proud, and at the time it feels like we're serious, and I think during fights he'll not be the birth partner I need... but luckily this is not how I feel MOST of the time. I just thought I'd mention it because it can't be entirely uncommon to have these fears.)

Hugs... I hope you are feeling better.

[jpiper0430]

Dee - Thanks for the news update on Christy. So sad and unfair.

CJ - Thanks for the updates and advice! G is adorable! I'm glad you enjoyed your birth video.

Piepie - I'm so sorry about your recent health/DH troubles! Your health, right now, is very important and you should be making sure to take care of yourself. As far as the pain you are feeling now vs. labor pain - completely unrelated. You have no idea how your body will react to labor. Hopefully, you can find a doula. You can always tell DH it's to support both of you during labor (which they really do). That way, he won't feel like you don't trust him. One option for saving money on a doula is to hire one who needs to get a few more births in before she's certified. Some of them near me will even attend for free.

I really wish I could quit my job. My company expects us to work from 7am -7pm 6 days a week this summer (we're salaried and don't get comp time or anything for working more than 40 hours in a week). I told my boss that I couldn't because I have an exercise class on Monday's and Wednesdays and my childbirth class on Tuesdays. He asked if I could get my money back! I was appalled. I should mention that I work in engineering and I'm one of a couple of girls (the next youngest has a 22 year old son). Most of the men have wives who don't work, and they assume that I have someone at home doing laundry, cooking dinner keeping the house clean etc. I'm currently planning to quit after my maternity leave (I have to officially work 1 day after leave). Of course, I keep wondering if I'll stay sane being home for 6-12 months and if we'll be able to financially afford it. My plan is to start looking for a job closer to home (not a 75 minute drive) once the babe is 6 months old. I may even just work part time teaching at a community college.

I must say, my DH has been great through this whole pregnancy. He gives me back rubs, puts lotion on my increasingly itchy belly, does most of the cooking and reads to the baby every night (usually Blueberries for Sal, since that was his favorite children's book and we are pretty limited on selection right now). He even went with me to Babies R Us when my mom told me we didnt' have enough stuff on our registry and helped me pick out more stuff. The best thing - he surprised me with a pre-baby getaway up into the white mountains (Jackson, NH, for those familar with the area). The inn where we are staying offers a pre-natal massage for two (daddy deserves special treatment too). We're going in two weeks, right when I enter the third trimester. Hopefully, we'll be able to do a few short hikes. It will all depend on how my hips are feeling that day.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[PiePie]

just a quick note to say i am way better, dh and i made up, i am almost in dc and get to see my friends' kids YAY YAY YAY

[Dee-Groovy]

PiePie I'm sorry the past couple days have been painful, emotionally and physically. I was going to suggest the same thing Minnow did. I think you mentioned taking 6 months off after the Roo is born but would it be possible to quit now and take 5 months off after birth? Like Minnow said, it seems like it might be better for you all round - just something to think about. Glad you found a specialist who diagnosed your pain and made you feel better too.

Jenn wow those work hours sound like a nightmare to me. What a thankless jerk of a boss too. Glad you hubby is keeping things running smoothly at your house and surprised you with a vacation too! The prenatal massage for two sounds wonderful - I'm totally jealous! :

[Grace24]

Pie, I'm glad you guys made up. Have a great weekend, the weather here is beautiful today! I like living in the DC area... of course I'm more jealous that you're in NYC (my favorite city outside of Kailua, Hawaii) but it is pretty here. Traffic sucks though.

Jenn, awwww, your husband sounds sweet. (He sounds just like mine actually, which is why I married him ) Enjoy the weekend! DH and I are going to try to get away at the end of October for a B&B weekend for our anniversary...it's a month before baby. I think the hikes might be out by then though, given how my hips feel now at only 20 weeks!) And ew, your boss is a major big-time jerkoid!

So, I played my first show last night (Phantom). It's nerve-wracking just jumping in with no rehearsals but it went well, I didn't do anything detectable, and the concertmaster told us at the break we were doing a great job. This is extra work for me so I'm not sitting where I normally do which is principal of the second violin section. So although I've been sort of dreading this, honestly I had fun because the part involved some actual violinistic skill, unlike second violin in the opera parts I usually play, which are less like music and more like sound effects. I realized for about the millionth time, I'm too good for my job and it's time to leave! My plan is, next summer I have no work and I'm going to use all my babysitting time to practice and get myself ready for auditions. Auditioning for the big orchestras is a horrifying process but I don't think I can play opera for the rest of my life and it's the only way out! I'm so glad DH supports me in this. Although who knows, little baby could come along and that's all I care about...we'll see what times brings. It's hard to focus on practicing right now though, that's all I know. So I'm just trying to do the little that I can when I can focus, so that when next summer rolls around I'm not too terribly out of shape.

That said, my main concern right now is getting through the hard playing schedule when my back bothers me more by the day. I have a massage therapist, a chiropracter, and a person who's sort of in-between those two (I can't describe what she does but it works so I see her once a month), to keep me normal, and still DH has to put Traumeil cream on my back twice a day. 20 weeks to go, sigh! Countdown to the ultrasound is 5 days. I can't wait!

Have a great day ladies.

[dctexan]

Pie
Sorry you are hurting and super sorry DH is freaking out on you. My DH and I have a lot of communication problems and have a tough time with "touchy" issues (money, emotional well being, etc.). As long as we agree, we are okay. As long as only one person cares, we are okay. But the second we disagree about something, it's like the whole house of cards comes crashing down around us. It really freaks me out because it makes me feel like our relationship is not built on a solid foundation or something. But, the truth is that the cases where we disagree are fairly rare, usually one of us just doesn't care as much as the other person and we are willing to step aside and let the other person do what he/she wants to do. Of course that means we haven't really learned to support each other (because stepping aside does not equal supporting) which is a whole another issue, but again, it ends up not being a big deal most of the time because both of us are usually very independent. Anyway, it sounds like your DH is having a hard time supporting you right now and that sucks. I second everybody's idea that you get a doula.

I hope you have a wonderful time in DC (even with your ankle/foot/tendon/nerve problems!!!) - it is one of my most favorite places in the whole world - home.

[veganone]

Pie - I'm so glad you and DH made up. Mine and I have at least one major going-to-get-divorced fight a year, or more. We're 10 years in this month, so obviously we've always worked it out. Still, that's so not what you need! I'm also sorry you're in pain. I agree that the kind of pain you get from an injury (and your body's reaction) is going to be different from the pain of labor. That doesn't mean you can't have a natural birth!!! And frankly, if you need an epidural, you can decide there, but you don't have to set yourself up for one! My dh can be like that at times, too. The other day he went off about how he doesn't see how I can possibly do a natural birth because I won't be able to focus on the hypnobirthing (we haven't even done one class yet!). I just quietly went into the other room and cried for 15 minutes. He apologized and tried to be supportive, but I do doubt his ability to support me through labor. He tends to freak out - I'm definitely the calm one in the relationship so I'm nervous about how he'll handle it. I can also see him getting frustrated with it taking a long time and aiming that frustration at me... Just what I need in labor, right? I feel for you! They just DO NOT understand what we're going through!

CJ - Glad you watched the video. I definitely don't want a video tape of it, just because I'm so hyper-critical and self conscious on video that I know I'd be aware of it and/or be critical of myself during the birth. Even the video of the u/s makes me self-consious about my constant chatter!

Diastasis update - Glad to hear diastatsis happens so often! I've only been able to find info that it's common on repeat pregnancies and with multiples... I called my primary care doctor yesterday, who I love, and she said that she had it with both of her pregnancies and that it went away on it's own after the births. She was very reassuring, vs. my OB who said "well, you could get a hernia". Gee, thanks! Jerk - that was the first time I was not pleased with him... I also found the Tupler excercise that CJ mentioned and it seems you can do that in pregnancy, so I've started trying to do those daily. I can't see myself doing 3 sets of 100 though! I did 50 and my back was sore the next morning, so I may need to work up the pulses...

Work has been much more stressful than I anticipated this last week, so that's sort of sucked. We also had major car issues with BOTH cars - over $1000 EACH and one is down for at least another week, which means we have to figure out rides and such. We live in between both of our jobs, so carpooling isn't exactly do-able and it's been well over 100 degrees here this week so dh can't ride his bike like he does sometimes... It just seems like every attempt to save for my leave gets thwarted in some stupid way. On paper it feels like we make good money, so for the life of me I can't figure out where the hell it goes...

In happy baby news, I'm falling a little more in love with this baby girl every day. A friend has a tiny kitten that she's fostering who weighs 1 1/4 pounds and I can't believe I have a PERSON in there twice that big! I love being able to tell where her butt is (to the left of my belly button) and the difference between punches and kicks since I sort of know where her feet and hands are. I can clearly see my stomach move when she's moving now and I can feel lumps for individual body parts. Sooo amazing!!! I keep reminding myself that all of the discomfort is going to be worth it for her.

[~minnow~]

Jenn -- WOW your job sounds awful too! But your vacation sounds sooo nice.

PiePie, I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Julia, I love reading about your playing. How great that you're planning to audition for bigger better things.

I'm really sad about Christy too.

Down_to_Earth, I hope your mood is better. I get like that -- so grouchy becasue there's SO much to do but I can't do it all. I read somewhere that you have to be willing to SUBMIT. I think that's code for "suck," but it's still true.

I think I missed some people on the other page. Who just saw the hearbeat for the first time? Very exciting.

Originally Posted by veganone

In happy baby news, I'm falling a little more in love with this baby girl every day. A friend has a tiny kitten that she's fostering who weighs 1 1/4 pounds and I can't believe I have a PERSON in there twice that big!

I love this! I feel like this too. She's definitely a person in there. I'm not as sure about what's what most of the time (or what are kicks or what are punches), but I love how she becomes more and more of a presence... independent of me, too.

You know what I was just thinking about? Birth control. How fun it is not to need it. I'm so not looking forward to having to think about that again. And especially since I feel really comfortable right now with having an only, but yet I'm not ready for any permanent decisions to be made. And I'm now also against hormonal birth control (for me -- it made me depressed, fat, and B-vitamin deficient). I feel like I need to think about how to handle birth control, though, because a friend who was nursing full time still wound up with an oops when her kid was just a few months old. Scares me.

[veganone]

Originally Posted by ~minnow~

I'm not as sure about what's what most of the time (or what are kicks or what are punches), but I love how she becomes more and more of a presence... independent of me, too.

You know what I was just thinking about? Birth control. How fun it is not to need it. I'm so not looking forward to having to think about that again. And especially since I feel really comfortable right now with having an only, but yet I'm not ready for any permanent decisions to be made. And I'm now also against hormonal birth control (for me -- it made me depressed, fat, and B-vitamin deficient). I feel like I need to think about how to handle birth control, though, because a friend who was nursing full time still wound up with an oops when her kid was just a few months old. Scares me.

I asked my doctor when I was there on Tuesday to see if he could tell me sort of what position she was in - he did and showed me where her foot was, showed me her hip, etc... So, turns out the bumps were about what I thought they were!

And yeah, b/c... It's nice not to need it and I dread it too. I can't do hormonal either (I have the melasma to prove it), and now that I know how incredibly fertile I am!!! We made it 9 years without an oops, but man, first try will make you cautious! We're not sure if we'll want to do this again yet or not either... I'm an only child, which makes me think it's not so sad.

[Grace24]

Anybody know when my belly button is going to become an outtie? It's getting shallower...

Lane...I hate birth control too. Condoms make me itch and the b.c. pill killed my libido. I'm so afraid I'll get pg while I'm nursing if I rely on BF for birth control...how do you know if you ovulate if you haven't had a . yet, KWIM? I think we were gonna try the family planning thing, but I'm so dead-set on my timeline for auditions, it's making me wonder if we should do something a little more reliable for a while, til my cycles get regular. I really really don't want to get pg with #2 right away. Maybe condoms, or foam or something. Argh.

Elizabeth...sorry about the car trouble! Both of our cars have needed major repairs this year. Several times. Sucks up money like ya wouldn't believe (or maybe you would). Seems like as soon as I paid off my Acura it needed all this work, so I haven't even broken even from what I'm saving on the payments. Fortunately, I have a violin for sale in NY which should bring in enough to add to my Acura to trade for a more baby-friendly car soon. As for the fertility issue...we were shocked at how easy it was too, once we actually tried to get pg. It was our second month trying, and the weird thing is that I think I ovulated way early that week, at least 4 days early, so I was so surprised it happened that month. Which makes me all the more nervous about the FAM method of birth control...but I had never charted before and was already pg when I started getting into the habit of writing down my temperature. So maybe I would've caught it if I'd known what all the fertility signs were. I've got a lot to learn!

Well, back to the Ken-Cen for more Phantom! (Double shows on the weekends, pretty tiring, but good $$!)

[dctexan]

Just a quick reply to comment on the birth control question...
I hate hormonal bc too and refuse to take the pill (I did it for 11 years, after that I was DONE. I don't have sex enough to warrant it in my opinion). After I went off the pill, I relied on condoms (not DHs favorite, but I have no problem with them). I think after this babe is born we will go back to condoms. DH doesn't trust any family planning methods.
One other option I am considering is an IUD. I know IUD sort of have a scary reputation with people our age (I guess there were lots of problems with IUDs when we were growing up? I remember hearing they were bad because they caused scaring or something...I was kinda too young to care about bc, but not young enough that I didn't know what people were talking about sothis is half absorbed info). Anyway, IUDs are supposedly MUCH better now - much smaller and very easy to reverse. Anyone else considering this option?

[jpiper0430]

On BC...

I was on the pill for a around 12 years and the longer I was on it, the more I hated it. DH and I decided that while I was in grad school, I would go off the pill. We used FAM for about 2 years before TTC and it worked great. We used condoms for the fertile days (or when I forgot to temp, or if I had a strange cycle). I have a good friend who used BF as birth control to spread her kids evenly (her kids are all three years apart). However, my aunt relied on the same method, and was pg 9 weeks after giving birth, so I don't trust that method. My m/w does recommend one of the newer IUD's - it's small, reversible etc and doesn't have the side effects/dangers the older ones did. I haven't decided what we'll do yet, but I don't want to get pg the first year. We'll probably start with condoms and see what my cycle brings...

On cars...

I wish I didn't need one. When I lived in Quincy, MA I didn't have a car (for 3 years) it was great! No car payment, no car insurance, no gas payment and my employer offered half price subway passes, so I got all the transit I needed for $30/month. I also had a "Zipcar" membership, which allowed me to borrow a "zipcar" (usually a Ford Focus wagon) to run errands outside of the city. Now I live in southern NH and I have to get on the highway to get to the nearest grocery store, so I need a car. I drive a Camry, which is a great family car. However, DH has a pick-up truck that gets 18 mpg and will need to take that to work once I leave (we currently commute since we work 4 miles apart, 26 miles from home). We're looking into getting him a commuter car and getting rid of the truck now that our home improvement projects are coming to a close. We'd love to get a Prius, but the wait time is a little prohibitive right now in our area.

Happy Sunday everyone!

[Dee-Groovy]

I found some great diastasis info here, including how to do the exercise to prevent it. It's super easy and I'm already trying to modify how I sneeze and get out of bed so I prevent overstraining the muscles outward. We'll see how long I can keep it up!

Cars suck but I found a mechanic I love, which is great since my car's 10 years old and I drive over 25 miles round trip each day. I took it in last week because it had been idling rough & thought I needed a tune up (ka-ching!). He checked the plugs and a bunch of stuff and said it only needed a new fuel filter & some gas additive since I had gotten a bad tank of gas a few months ago. Phew! Honest and inexpensive - I'm so lucky!

Birth control - I was on the pill for over 13 years with short breaks. I don't know if it caused depression or if I just happened to develop it shortly after I started the pill, but I'd prefer not to go back on it. (TMI but don't use the ring - it gave me the only yeast infections I've ever had, and it gave them to me monthly until I figured it out!) I was thinking the IUD might be good for me too, but I might just stick with breastfeeding or condoms (yuck) since we want more kids & we want them fairly close together. I think 2 year spacing is good but I don't wanna be this pregnant in summer again.

Mind if I wallow in self-pity for a few minutes? My air conditioner is broken. Actually, I have 2 window air conditioners and they're both broken. One isn't cooling at all and the other isn't cooling enough. I live in Florida and the heat index reaches 100 degrees daily. My landlord isn't answering his phone. I'm hot, bloated and miserable with allergies, which are partly due to pollen and partly due to all the mold left in the house after the hurricanes came through a couple years ago and ripped my roof open. I tried to go swimming but saw a shark (seriously). This is hardly the first time my landlord has left me in crappy conditions - he's basically a slumlord and the house is falling apart but we stay because it's in a great location. I want to move so badly but I can't because I'm pregnant. In summer. In Florida. :

[veganone]

Grace - my belly button is sort of half flat and half outie right now (my belly button ring scar pushes out the top half). It was a DEEP innie before and started popping out early on - but I got big early on too. I'm 27 weeks now... I guess it just depends on your body, though.

I love my mechanic too, but we both have (not new) European cars and they are just such maintenance hogs! I'm just super hooked on all wheel drive and I had bad luck with a Subaru, so...

I think we'll probably stick with condoms at least for a while - I've heard of way too many pregnancies while bfing, so I don't plan on relying on that! IUD is an option, but I'm so sensitive to stuff that I worry I'll end up with chronic yeast infections or something... Once we're sure we're done, dh has agreed to get snipped. It'll be nice to not have to worry about it at all anymore! Oh, and we got pregnant the first time, not even the first month... We finally decided to try and had sex on my last "fertile" day based on my cycle and then not again for a week or so. And, surprise! I'm happy it was so easy for us, but it was a little disconcerting!

Major - Aw man, Florida without A/C... I feel for you! I'm in California and it's in the high 90s to low 100s pretty much all summer and I can't imagine... I'm hiding in A/C as much as possible! Maybe it's worth just buying a new window A/C on your own and putting it in? Bad landlords are the worst - I think we bought our house more to get away from our string of awful landlords than to actually own. I honestly never had a good one (and I've had many)... Sorry about the shark too! I've only seen one in the water, and I was snorkling and really wanted to see one! It was a white tip that was pretty far below me, so it wasn't scary. I'd be terrified to see one when I wasn't expecting it! Yikes!

[phillybama]

Hi ladies!

I hit 9 weeks today, and my m/s seems to be getting worse.
I have been sick with m/s (but no vomiting) all weekend, so I have been cooped up in my house. It is 97 degrees out right now, so I can't say that I would rather be outside anyway. I am living off of crackers and juice, and if I am lucky a grilled cheese sandwich and pickles.

I wanted to chime in on the b/c topic. I was on the pill for about 8 years, before my blood started to darken and look more brown. Sorry, TMI! It made me a little worried because I didn't know anyone else who had been on the pill for that long of a stretch. I went to a new OBGYN and asked to be taken off and wanted to know other alternatives. Once he learned of my history of depression (and my family's), he was quite angry with my past OBGYN's for even allowing me to be on hormones. His belief was that the pill may have caused the depression (well, maybe not CAUSED, but may have lead me to my breakdown when I was in college). Anyway, he suggested a non-hormonal copper IUD. He said that he didn't always suggest it to women who had never had children, but he thought it would be the most economical and safest for me. He was definitely correct. I had the IUD in for five years with little problem. I did have a heavier period and stronger cramps, but I always did when I was a teenager, before I ever went on the pill. My insurance kept increasing the cost of the pill for me, so the IUD at $400 (insurance usually won't cover it) for five years was definitely cheaper. And nothing beats not having to remember to take the pill every day. And I haven't had a bout of depression since I had it inserted.
Also, once I had the IUD removed, I was pregnant in less than two months!

I am not saying that the IUD is for everyone, but it fit the bill for me. Oh, and it did cost $150 (insurance won't cover) to have it removed. Just want to clarify.

Enough rambling for now. I think I need a cracker.

[Grace24]

Poor Dee with no a.c.! What part of Florida are you in? I'm coming down there in August to see friends. Probably not anywhere near you though...she lives in the middle of the state near all the lakes.

I'm so exhausted from this show! Does anyone know if dry ice is bad for my baby? It pours over the stage a couple different times during the show and makes it hard to breathe...I happen to be sitting right in the thick of where it hits. Bleah. They keep saying it's safe but I do cough at night now so maybe the coldness of it is irritating my lungs. Hard to know when to play if you can't see the conductor through the, um, fog.

My life is weird.

[PiePie]

hi everyone! i'm back! i love dc; it's tied with nyc for my favorite city. not hd's, though, so we are staying here. i have lots to write about my baby shower and my weekend, but i am just going to post quickly now and write more later.

dee, i cannot believe your a/c broke! seriously, i would be thinking of checking into a hotel! there was a blackout in the city recently, and dh was praying "please don't let this be baby's first blackout" because i don't know how i would have slept. i can't believe you are coping in florida of all places.

oh, and my mother, who annoys me, just launched into me challenging our decision to use a midwife rather than an ob.

the really big news is that we came home from the shower with tons of loot!! i have no idea where we are going to put it. i started hyperventilating as soon as we got it upstairs from the rental car. so i decided to check in with you all and calm myself down. a lot of it are hand-me-down clothes -- mostly baby (think 3 garbage bags worth), some nursing, a few maternity. it is all very overwhelming.

and, the baby will be full-term in only 23 days! to me that seems super close; to dh, not so much.

[PiePie]

aimee, i had extrenely bad morning sickness!! the only things that helped (besides not letting myself get hungry -- that is the most important and the hardest to achieve) were sea bands and coca-cola.

[ChristyM26]

Hey all. Could you please take me off the expecting list? Apparently, I have an incompetent cervix and my little boys were far too little to make it. We (me and DH) have to go through some recovery (physical and emotional) and then we can try again. I hope that things go well for everybody else. Thanks.

[dctexan]

Christy - I know Becky will take care of it ASAP. So sorry to hear about the lose of your sweet babes. There are no words I can think of that will give you the comfort I wish to give you. I hope you find peace and healing soon.