Wow, I disappeared for a few days and have 7 pages to catch up on
: so no personals for now!
On the 3rd, I stopped temping cold turkey and man, it is HARD! Temping has been such a control issue for me ~ the one thing I could do my best to control in the middle of ths mess that is cycling and TTC while BFing... I know it is all up to God anyway and I really felt He was asking me to lay it all at His feet, so I am being obedient. But it is hard. Today is the 3rd day I haven't temped. I still don't know if I've ovulated either, and what makes it even harder is that my EWCM doesn't dry up most months, either, despite the clear thermal shift. So who knows. Maybe by next cycle I will be okay to temp again, but we'll see.
: Warning, rant ahead
I'm struggling so much with the fact that there is nothing I can do to change this. I'm getting impatient, and I know I just need to relinguish all attempts at controlling this, but I hate the fact I can't control it, and it is so hard to let it go. I don't know how you mamas who are still waiting on PPAF 2 years later are doing it.... my hat goes off to all of you. I am thankful that I am at least ovulating, but I am still sub-fertile.
Sure, I could wean my son and hope for the best, but I don't want to wean him when he still obviously needs his boobies... and I don't want to give up my dream of tandem nursing. And who is to say that weaning will mean I'll be pregnant again any time soon? I don't have anyone to talk to about this. All my friends IRL are as mainstream as they get and the few that nurse can't believe I'd still nurse him past 1 year anyway, I truly doubt most of them will nurse for a year. And in my online groups, friends are popping up pg again at 4mths PP like crazy. So no one understands like you girls... and I know many of us are in the same boat. What was I thinking when I thought I needed to take a break from this board... I need you girls! As bad as this may sound, I think this board is the only one I am part of, where I can TRULY rejoice
over every BFP I've seen announced.
I apologize for my rant, I am sure I will feel better now that I am able to unload it somewhere. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest... and if you read this far, thanks
I'll BBL... as soon as I have the time to catch up! I hope everyone is doing well.