When did it hit you? Boyfriend/Husband

[Lisa_Lynn]

That he was the man you were meant to be with? I meet a man awhile ago who seems to be so for me. My kids love him, he is good to them. We have a great relationship. I feel it is so weird because we haven't been together for very long but i feel he is so for me, he feels the same way about myself. He went on a vacation (was planned before I came along) to see his mother for 13 days he will be back on the 10th. I feel so weird, so lost, like my world is falling apart. Am i suppose to feel this way? I never felt this way before. Even when i was married. I do not need a man cause i can do things on my own i have before for many years, but i so miss him. Is it, could it be the prince charming i have always wanted and deserve? I am so happy, I feel he is my pusher to do things i haven't done, or wanted to do etc. I guess no matter what it is, I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

[cheyennemama]

Perhaps "single parenting" is not the best group of women/men to ask this question to. We generally either never found THE ONE or we split up from our partners. I knew X was someone I wanted to marry within a couple mos of being with him. We moved in together after 7 mos and then married 2 yrs later. So, we really should've known everything about each other but unfortunately there was a lot of lies I was unaware of. Basically, you just have to follow your heart, your gut, and use your head and make the best decision you can. I think it can take only a couple days or many years to be sure of someone. Best of luck!

[wemoon]

Well, I met my girlfriend after I had been single for about a year and a half. I pretty much knew within a couple weeks that she definitely was the one I wanted in my life. We're still dating after almost 2 years, but I'm hesitant to make any major moves... so we are still just dating. Haven't even really brought up moving in together at all.

I think the best thing is just time. Although sometimes I want to rush ahead and live happily ever after, I'm really glad that we are taking things slow.

[Aura_Kitten]

Originally Posted by cheyennemama

Perhaps "single parenting" is not the best group of women/men to ask this question to. We generally either never found THE ONE or we split up from our partners. I knew X was someone I wanted to marry within a couple mos of being with him. We moved in together after 7 mos and then married 2 yrs later. So, we really should've known everything about each other but unfortunately there was a lot of lies I was unaware of. Basically, you just have to follow your heart, your gut, and use your head and make the best decision you can. I think it can take only a couple days or many years to be sure of someone. Best of luck!

:


Sorry, I think most of the women here are really jaded about the whole partner thing.

[Metta&Karuna]

Originally Posted by cheyennemama

So, we really should've known everything about each other but unfortunately there was a lot of lies I was unaware of.

:

[singin'intherain]

Yeah, I'm jaded- so take my response with a grain of salt. I was happily single and mother to one beautiful toddler when I met my current husband. I don't know what came over me. Everything was great, so we decided to get married 6 months after we met. I was so head over heels I ignored the red flags, and we haven't been able to work it out in seven years. That's seven years of regretting a hasty marriage. My advice is, if it's lovely now, it'll be lovely next year, so wait. Ha! I do believe in love, though, I'm not that jaded.

[Shonahsmom]

I was a single mama (though I dated a lot but never got serious or involved my dd) for seven years before I met my DP. I am smart, careful (and jaded) and I think he is "it" for me (though I don't believe in Prince Charmings because it implies a need to be rescued, which I certainly don't).

We've been together for four months. We're not moving in together yet but we've discussed it and marriage very, very seriously. It might seem too soon to some and it previously would've seemed too soon to me, but when you've held out for the right man for so long, consciously passing up the not-so-right ones and really worked on loving yourself on all levels, there's a lot of clarity when the right when finally does come along. At least this is how I feel personally for me.

I'm not sure when it "hit" me, so to speak. We've put a lot of energy in to growing our friendship above all else. I have watched so, so, so very closely for red flags. Every single day he proves himself so much to be a wonderful match for me by continuously and consistently, without a blip, treating me with respect, consideration, absolute gentleness, admiration and love. He's happy, healthy, positive, self-aware and we share all of the same core values. I see all of this more and more every single day. I think he's the real deal.

[sparklefairy]

When it became clear that he liked me.

Really didn't have a lot of self-esteem back in those days (I was 17).

[Holland73]

Well, I am not jaded about relationships. Granted, I have been divorced for almost 4 years now.

First of all, I don't believe in "meant to be."

With my current DP, I know that we will be life-long partners, not because it was meant to be, but because we both work our butts off to keep our relationship healthy and stable. We both put in a lot of effort, compromise and genuine, absolute honesty.

What concerns me, OP, about your post was your statement, "I feel so weird, so lost, like my world is falling apart."

I believe that if you are not happy, fulfilled on your own, then you should not be with anyone else. Another person should not be responsible for completing you, for making you happy and fulfilled. They should be a complement to an already wonderful, fulfilled, secure life/person.

If your world feels like it is falling apart, just because your partner is away for 13 days, then I would be concerned. Please be careful.

[Lisa_Lynn]

Originally Posted by Holland73

Well, I am not jaded about relationships. Granted, I have been divorced for almost 4 years now.

First of all, I don't believe in "meant to be."

With my current DP, I know that we will be life-long partners, not because it was meant to be, but because we both work our butts off to keep our relationship healthy and stable. We both put in a lot of effort, compromise and genuine, absolute honesty.

What concerns me, OP, about your post was your statement, "I feel so weird, so lost, like my world is falling apart."

I believe that if you are not happy, fulfilled on your own, then you should not be with anyone else. Another person should not be responsible for completing you, for making you happy and fulfilled. They should be a complement to an already wonderful, fulfilled, secure life/person.

If your world feels like it is falling apart, just because your partner is away for 13 days, then I would be concerned. Please be careful.

I appreciate your concern, My x dh was away from the home for 2 months at a time due to work, I never felt like this with my husband. I was married to him for 15 years. I do believe i am fulfilled with my life and doing more things for myself and my kids, but having him makes it nicer.

[pranamama]

There's been a lot of articles about infatuation, love, attraction etc. Maybe you are at that apex of attractioin that is so damn hot. Enjoy

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by Holland73

What concerns me, OP, about your post was your statement, "I feel so weird, so lost, like my world is falling apart."

I believe that if you are not happy, fulfilled on your own, then you should not be with anyone else. Another person should not be responsible for completing you, for making you happy and fulfilled. They should be a complement to an already wonderful, fulfilled, secure life/person.

If your world feels like it is falling apart, just because your partner is away for 13 days, then I would be concerned. Please be careful.

When I first read the OP I had the same feelings as Holland expresses above. Using the
the phrase "falling apart" left me feeling uneasy. Sure it's always nice to have a partner,
but I would be worried about myself if I felt like you described when away from a loved
one for just a couple weeks.

I've felt that feeling, I had it with my ex. I remember bumping into friends when we had
only been dating a short time, and when he walked off for a moment I told them this was
the man I was going to marry and have children with. It didn't happen the first time I talked
to him, or on our first date, it was during our first phone call after our date. I was simply
amazed and smitten right from the start.

I'm so glad your happy, so glad you found a person to spend time with. It's a real blessing.

[Lisa_Lynn]

Thanks everyone for your advice and kind words. I am truly happy and will enjoy it all.

Hugs

[woobysma]

Originally Posted by Holland73

With my current DP, I know that we will be life-long partners, not because it was meant to be, but because we both work our butts off to keep our relationship healthy and stable. We both put in a lot of effort, compromise and genuine, absolute honesty.

Yep, same for me. I fell HARD for DF the first time I met him. He totally rocked my world (and not in a totally good way - I wasn't really looking to date anyone ) - but I really knew he was the ONE for me the first time we had a disagreement and I wanted to go running back to the single-mamma hills, but he just stuck it out & came back to apologize. I realized in that moment that this was the partner I wanted, someone who would ride out the rough patches with me and still have my back and love me.

Originally Posted by Holland73

What concerns me, OP, about your post was your statement, "I feel so weird, so lost, like my world is falling apart."

I had the same thought, but maybe the wording was just wrong. If you feel like you "need" this guy to keep your life together, then I'd say wait until you have a firm footing before getting serious. If you just were suprized by how much you missed him, then that's different.
I know that I don't "need" DF. We'd both be fine alone and were when we met, but our life is so much better together. Having a choice and making it on a daily basis is very, very cool.

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by woobysma

I know that I don't "need" DF. We'd both be fine alone and were when we met, but our life is so much better together. Having a choice and making it on a daily basis is very, very cool.

You reminded me of a conversation I had with my Aunt when ex and I had started dating. (Actually she is
ex's Aunt but we've always been close). She said that her husband and ex were very alike, and sometimes
being a in a relationship with her husband was very hard, but in the end was worth it. She told me that she
told him once, "I don't need to be with you, I want to be with you". That's always stuck with me.

[YinYang]

I just wanted to say that I think this is a great area to post this thread/quesion.

While some of us (most? many? all? ) are jaded, it is great to see what we CAN have. I'm feeling jaded now but, for me, reading this post reminds me that there will be another time!

Like other pps have said, I was concerned about your wording -but I also think they have already countered with some sage advice!

Enjoy it and keep us posted.

While I'm still at the stage of wondering how I'll ever trust my instincts again, I do know that everything in life that is rewarding requires even just a teeny leap of faith....

[Lisa_Lynn]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am not rushing into anything but i just feel so loved by this man and he makes me feel like a million dollars having him in my life.

[Lisa_Lynn]

Well if you want to laugh at me go ahead. I still think he is wonderful but we are arguing alot. It just seems to be that he sees things different then i do. He thinks i am lazy and i told him that i am in my own home and nothing going on why can't i be, my house is clean. He is not mean about it but still. He also jokes more then i like and i take it personal. I am not giving up but i don't have that wonderful feeling much anymore. Then i think about my last boyfriend who i stopped dating because he didn't want to do anything with my a loner but yet i would have the world with him and he always have said nothing but nice things about me and still does. So yes, i am confused so i thought i would get your opinions again. Any ? feel free to ask. Thanks

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Lisa_Lynn

Well if you want to laugh at me go ahead. I still think he is wonderful but we are arguing alot. It just seems to be that he sees things different then i do. He thinks i am lazy and i told him that i am in my own home and nothing going on why can't i be, my house is clean. He is not mean about it but still. He also jokes more then i like and i take it personal. I am not giving up but i don't have that wonderful feeling much anymore. Then i think about my last boyfriend who i stopped dating because he didn't want to do anything with my a loner but yet i would have the world with him and he always have said nothing but nice things about me and still does. So yes, i am confused so i thought i would get your opinions again. Any ? feel free to ask. Thanks

Your just out of the honeymoon phase is all and your starting to see him without the blinders on is all.

[woobysma]

Originally Posted by Satori

Your just out of the honeymoon phase is all and your starting to see him without the blinders on is all.

It happens to everyone, I think. The strength of the relationship is in how you deal with issues after the initial "Wow! this is the most perfect guy EVER !" phase is over.

My advise? Be honest. Lay your feelings out, both positive and negative, keep talking. If you're really honest, both with him and yourself, then the truth of the relationship will be pretty obvious.

At least that's been my experience.