night-weaning my toddler

[jee'smom]

Oh God, guys, I just started night-weaning my toddler. My heart is breaking. I gave ds as much as I can give. but with the baby coming, I KNOW I cannot go through that again (wake up, nurse newborn every couple of hours, and wake up to nurse ds 2-3 times/night). I did it the whole pg (while working full-time) and I just cannot do it anymore. I told him before we went to bed that we are not going to nurse anymore at night. That they just hurt too much at night and they need to sleep, and when the sun comes up, he can nurse again. He said "OK, mommy". Well, he just woke up, I went down to comfort him (his toddler bed is in my room) and he cried and screamed "No, mommy, please, just a little bit, just a little bit, I promise, please mommy please" (with his chubby little fingers showing a little bit). He cried so hard. OMG, I just laid there comforting him, crying also. : (He cried for about 10 mins.) I feel HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. but I can't picturing nursing Kalia and him and feeling the way I did when I nursed him and Jee in the beginning, and I seriously went off the deep end a couple of times in the middle of the night, yelling for everyone to just leave me alone, b/c I was so exhausted. Finally, he took his milk cup, laid in my arms and fell asleep snuggling with me. I KNOW in my heart that he will get the hang of this and start sleeping through the night, b/c with my nipples being so sore, he was getting up a couple times a night, nursing for a couple of seconds and falling back to sleep anyway. Also, he's use to me going to work when it's still dark out, and daddy would pat his back, and he'd fall right back to sleep. Anyway, it's 4:30am, I'm awake (again...) and feel like a piece of s**t for what I just put my baby boy through, but also know that it's for the best for my mental health. (especially with dh going away for 6 months!!!) Ugh, sometimes being a mom and having to make tough decisions sucks!

[fw221]

Night weaning sucks.

[bbrandonsmom]

Keri it will get better. Is there any way your dh can comfort him when he wakes up? That's the only way we got through night weaning I think. Though we were not co sleeping. After awhile of dh going in to rock/sleep next to ds, I was able to w/o him asking to nurse. But then he was only about 17m maybe? He keeps asking for mommy milk now of course, and I'm very curious to see how it goes with the new baby. But you're not horrible and it will get better. Maybe offer him a cup of water or cow milk? I can't believe you made it this far nursing though, that's pretty awsome. I had no milk come 5m preg.

[AutumnLeaves5]

That's really hard. You have my sympathies. I had to wean my 25 month old son basically cold turkey for medical reasons last year and it was hard on both of us, and just added to the stress of the situation we were already dealing with. But it does get better and he's totally fine. He still talks fondly of "doing buh-buhs", but he doesn't want to do them anymore. Hang in there. You've given him a long time of wonderful nursing and nighttime nursing and that's a great gift. Don't be too hard on yourself -- you need to protect your physical and mental health.

[Lissybug]

I know. It's really hard. That first night was the worst for us, then it got better. By night three things were WAY better. I would tell him he could put his arm in my shirt, which somtimes would help. It is heatbreaking to hear your little one cry like that. I wa at the same point though, where I just knew I didn't want to be screaming at ds in the middle of the night because I was at the end of my rope. This way you can hopefully offer yourself to him as a calm and loving mom, not a mom going over the edge. It'll get better. Your little boy has been securely loved and by now has a very deep attachment to you. He knows he's loved.

[jee'smom]

When I worked, dh would comfort him, b/c he knew I was at work (in the beginning of this pg, sometimes I'd go sleep on the couch and make him think I was at work.) but now he knows I'm not working anymore, so dh just doesn't cut it anymore. at all. He wants mommy. I give him cow's milk in a sippy cup for night time, which has been a God-send, b/c he'd nurse a little, adn then drink his milkie.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. He's 2 1/2 yo, so I know he doesn't need to nurse anymore (well, emotionally maybe, but...) and I'm NOT weaning him yet (feel he's way too young), so he's still getting nursies, just not at night.

So, last night, he didn't wake up again, and woke up at 8am, and we nursed (b/c the sun was up), and hugged and talked about last night. We'll see.

[hellen]

I have a 2.5 year old also. I nightweaned him earlier in the pregnancy but now we're working on going to sleep at night without nursing to sleep. He'll get a little and then I'll make him come off. It does comfort him to hold my nipples. I'm not too fond of it but I think it may be a step in the right direction.

Good luck.

[jessjgh1]

I think it sounds like things went really well and hope that it was better tonight and will be better as each night goes.

((hugs))

Jessica

[MamaSpruce]

Sorry you had such a rough first night and I hope it gets better. Try to remember that you should not feel horrible. If I may say so, I think your crying and feeling upset and guilty didn't help his response either. Try to be firm and reassuring to him that it really is okay, nursies just need to rest now too and offer him back rubs and songs and cuddles.

I think at that age with a newborn coming it is totally appropriate and okay. This is from a mama who really believes in child led weaning. We night weaned a few months ago, so some might disagree that I am really practicing CLW, but my guy is such an avid nurser the rest of the time and is no where near weaning. Surprisingly, he took it really well and accepted it so quickly. And he sleeps better now! I feel so good about it and hope you will soon too!

[jee'smom]

He didn't know I was crying. I kept rubbing his back, while holding him and being reassuring and firm, but loving, but tears were flowing down my cheeks. I didn't want him to know I was crying, b/c I didn't want it to be confusing for him, so I agree with everything you said. I also believe in child-led weaning (well, dd is 4 1/2 and I'm am subtly dropping hints about weaning around 5... ). He nurses whenever he wants during the day and know he's nowhere near weaning.

So, last night, he told me "I'm not going to wake you up tonight to nurse." I said "Thank you, Peter." He slept STRAIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT... until 8am!!! and then when he crawled into bed with me, it wasn't even the first thing he said. He played and snuggled for about 10 mins. Then he said "Mama, I want to nurse." I said, "Well, is Mr. Sun up?" and we both looked at the window and said "Yup!, let's nurse!" He's so proud of himself for not waking me up last night and not nursing, he wants to call everybody and tell them. So, when I know the grandparents are awake, we're calling them all so he can brag about what a big boy he is (he's REALLY into being a big boy lately, b/c he's going to be "the big brother".)

[Jen H.]

Wow, great news about last night. I went through this with my DS at age 2, and those first couple of nights were SO HARD. Talk about guilt. It was heartbreaking. But it only took 3 or 4 nights before it was just routine and he almost never asked again until the sun was up. And he started sleeping all night soon after, since there was nothing good to wake up for! The cuddles are wonderful, just hold him in your arms and let him put his hand on your breast if he wants. My DS still does that to fall asleep at night, even though he totally weaning about five months ago. So sweet. Don't feel bad - you did what you had to, and you did it well.

[MamaSpruce]

Yeah! Glad it is getting better so quickly for you two. It just goes to show you did give and give and give and filled his cup enough that he knows he is loved and can accept this change. Hope you are feeling so much better about it today and it continues to go smoothly!

[Lissybug]

What a big boy I bet he's excited to tell people. He must be so proud that he's helping out his mama. I am glad last night went so much better for you.

[jee'smom]

Thanks guys! You don't know how much your positive and encouraging words mean to me. I know you all understand. Thank you!