My first appt. - disappointed

[NJ*Doula]

I have my first prenatal tomorrow - a "pregnancy confirmation" appointment with the midwife (could be one of three midwives at this service). I won't have the next one until 12 weeks. That's two more months to wait without hearing the heartbeat or having a beta or anything to let me know everything is ok! I'm so upset by this I'm even thinking I might want an OB instead of a midwife, but I know deep down that I don't. I'm just so upset. My good friend who's a month further along had an ultasound at six weeks. I want pictures of my baby!

[jerawo]

Our society has made women think that pregnancies are illnesses and need to be medically managed. The reality is that most pregnancies are normal, and as long as the mother takes care of herself everything is fine.

You need to start believing that everything is okay rather than the other way around. You got a positive pregnancy test. You are pregnant. You don't need anything else to prove you are pregnant, unless there is a real medical reason. There is no reason to get an u/s at 6 weeks just to be able to see a baby. In fact frequent or early u/s might have detrimental effects on the baby, as no one really knows the long term consequences of u/s.

It's much better to be with a practitioner who treats pregnancy as a normal occurance in a woman's life. You are going to be more relaxed and less stressed out than your friend who is going to need proof of the baby at every appointment.

[NJ*Doula]

edited for rudeness

[smokeylo]

I guess I understand your frustration, but what would a "picture" tell you at this point? Right now our babes are sweet little blobs. I saw my cousin's 12w ultrasound... it looked like a blob! What would a picture do for you that listening to the heartbeat in a few weeks not?

I guess what I'm saying is, I feel your pain, but I think the not being able to know is part of how we grow into motherhood. We can't know about or control what's going on at this stage. We have to start trusting our babies, I guess. It's tough I agree, but there's a reason for it somehow, and rather than fight it, I'm trying to embrace it.

[Isaacs_mom]

I understand how you feel momma I am feeling the same since I had a m/c and the u/s really helped me feel good about it with ds ..have you asked if they can refer you out for your peace of mind that all is good ? or even an hcg test ? i am wanting to use a midwife this time too but not sure as i also want to see my bean

[NJ*Doula]

Originally Posted by smokeylo

I guess I understand your frustration, but what would a "picture" tell you at this point? Right now our babes are sweet little blobs. I saw my cousin's 12w ultrasound... it looked like a blob! What would a picture do for you that listening to the heartbeat in a few weeks not?

I guess what I'm saying is, I feel your pain, but I think the not being able to know is part of how we grow into motherhood. We can't know about or control what's going on at this stage. We have to start trusting our babies, I guess. It's tough I agree, but there's a reason for it somehow, and rather than fight it, I'm trying to embrace it.

But that's the thing. I don't get to hear the heartbeat. I have to wait two more months for that. I know that tomorrow we wouldn't be able to hear anything even if we tried.

I just need to know that my little muse is really there and growing.

[jerawo]

You could get peace of mind tomorrow, and then something could still happen.

I understand why you are concerned, which is why I'm advocating thinking everything is okay and that there is a wonderful baby growing inside of you. I know it's hard - with my first it was mind boggling that I probably wouldn't know anything for sure until we heard the heartbeat around 10-12 weeks. I wasn't showing or very sick. But, it was much easier on me to think positively than to doubt every single day and pretend like I wasn't pregnant until there was "solid" proof.

[sunnymw]

Just a suggestion... how about rescheduling your "confirmation" appointment, to what, 8 weeks or whenever you'd be able to hear the heartbeat? That way you'd kill two birds with one stone instead of having to wait weeks and weeks between appts (ie, you could wait one day now and then two months... or you could wait 1 month now and 1 month later, like normal).

[alisaparrent]

Having recently lost a baby and now pregnant again, I completely understand you're wanting to see the baby. I was one of those "US aren't really needed", but after I MC, I vowed that I would see the baby early in order to keep my sanity.
Now that I find myself pregnant, I'm actually doing better than expected. I thought i would want an early US, but now things are feeling ok. My symptoms are all there, which makes me feel reassured. Right now, I'm not so sure I need to see my baby, I feel such a strong connection~

Maybe you should check with your MW to see if they have an ultrasound machine in their office. Some do, but only to check if the baby is breech. Not fancy ones. But, they can always show you the heartbeat at 6 weeks, so I'd ask. Tell them how upset it's making you and that you really feel like it would help calm you down.

Best of luck~
Alisa

[cicely_m]

Originally Posted by jerawo

Our society has made women think that pregnancies are illnesses and need to be medically managed.

That's what my midwife's office told me when I called and asked about ultrasound. But I think the point was missed. Yes, having a baby is normal; it's not an illness. But it's still an amazing, miraculous event, and especially when it's your first, you (some "you"s) just can't get enough information and tidbits and excitement. Wanting to see your baby doesn't mean you think there's something wrong with it, or something wrong with you. It means you're totally blown away by the idea that this could be happening inside you, and you want every single piece of wonderful proof and information possible!! It's the idea of it being treated like a "common, everyday" (read: "not interesting") event that, though possibly true, is a bit upsetting to some of us first-timers.

[flapjack]

After three consecutive miscarriages, I paid out of pocket to get a u/s done at 7 weeks (it showed a heartbeat, and only one.) I understand where you're coming from.
In your shoes, I'd cancel your appointment and reschedule for some point after the 7 (NOT 6- if you want to be sure of seeing the h/b, you need that extra week) week mark. Only 85-90% of scans at 6 weeks show a h/b, so your friend was one of the lucky ones.

[ameliabedelia]

. I can understand how you feel. I had a m/c in between my 2 dd's..and got pregnant with dd2 only 6 weeks after them m/c. Needless to say, I was a mess during the first trimester. At my 10 week appt. they couldn't find a heartbeat so I rented a home doppler and found it myself a week or so later. We kept the home doppler for 1 month. I am sure most MDC mamas would not agree with that decision, ut I NEEDED it for my peace of mind.

Pregnancy after a loss..is completely different. If you feel you need the u/s then I second the suggestion that you schedule the first appt. for 7-8 weeks and try to get the u/s done then. At this appt. they aren't going to do anything you can't do at home (pee on a stick). I would wait and re-schedule.

I am less nervous this time...however still nervous. I am not sure if I will get an early u/s...,we aren't there yet..haven't even contacted any providers yet. We will see, as time goes on.

[NJ*Doula]

I went to the appointment today. I'm doing better than I though. The next apointment is August 16th, and they say I'll be able to hear the heartbeat then. I really wish I coule get an early ultrasound, but they're so expensive, and our insurance isn't paying for anything.

I think I'm going to have a friend send me a box of dollar store sticks so I can test every few days/week until then. The line will fade if there's a problem, right?

[FiberLover]

Hugs.

Not in this DDC, but I wanted to respond.

My M/Ws said that in the event I become pregnant again, they will do whatever it takes to make me happy that the pregnancy is OK, early U/S, Betas etc., since I just had a miscarriage.

I think the reality is, you need to tell your provider how stressed you are, and have them work with you to reassure you all is well, remember, you are the client.

Yes, most pregnancies are normal.

But, I went in on that assumption and had a m/c at 10w. I'd rather know as soon as possible, and am going to ask for some sort of early testing etc., next time. For my sanity.

Hugs again, and happy and healthy 9 months!

[yogamama2]

I'm hoping to join this board in a few days - but trying not to get my hopes up. I just wanted to let you know, Gatherer Girl, that after I had been to an appointment with my first pregnancy (healthy, happy 5 year old dd now asleep upstairs!) I took a few more pregnany tests and I know 1 came up neg. It was probably a dud, but it freaked me out, so just be aware that that can happen and mean nothing! Just wanted you to know. Also, my midwives were never able to find a heartbeat (doppler only - I had 1 20 week ultrasound with both girls) before 11/12 weeks - they were never able to get one at the 8 week appointment. Two healthy pregnancies and two healthy baby girls though! Best wishes.

[rabrog]

You generally can't hear the heartbeat until 12ish weeks anyway. We tried at 10w with my last pregnancy and couldn't.

Ultrasounds have been shown to cause damage to brain cells in utero, so you want as few as possible. I'm only getting the 20 week one this time. I had three with my daughter (one at 12w because we couldn't hear the heartbeat - tried too early and one at 20w and one at 29ish weeks - can't remember why I had that one).

Jenn

[salt_phoenix]

I definitely agree that pg is different after m/c. I'm playing the waiting game too after 4 losses, I'm due March 5th... It makes me batty.

[jillybeans]

I'm sorry hon. Can you ask them if you can come in more? We'll be getting an u/s at 7 and 10 weeks this time because of my history of m/c, and I could not imagine going that long without knowing if everything is ok.

and the line won't necessarily fade if there is a problem. Mine didn't fade until well after I'd started bleeding and had the d&c.