? about choosing a midwife, please help

[beth144]

let me start by saying there are no shortage of homebirth midwives in the area in live, but i only interviewed 3. i liked all 3 of them and they all had qualities i was looking for. actually, i kind of already chose one (the first one i interviewed) and i was supposed to have my first prenatal appointment with her today. normally she comes to your house but she wanted me to come to her birthcenter for this visit to fill out paperwork and b/c she was particularly busy this week. i was about 10min from her house when she called and said she was up all night at a birth and still an hour away from her house, could we reschedule the appt. there was no other explaination offered as to why she didn't call me earlier. so basically wasted an hour of my time driving that day. now i'm having second thoughts about choosing her.

i'm so confused! should i interview more midwives? should i still continue to see her even though my confidence in her is diminished? i already told one of the midwives i interviewed with that i had chosen someone else. would it be okay to still ask her to take me as a patient?

[MsBlack]

Well, if this is a reason to fire a mw, then you will likely be firing any mw you choose. In fact, you would be likely to also fire any OB, at least if you expected to only see her/him for every visit--tho most OB/CNMs practice in groups, so you would be unlikely to have visits cancelled because your primary one was sleeping off a birth. In that case you would just be shunted off to another partner in their practice for that visit.

Dealing with birth is very unpredictable--one never knows WHEN labors will happen, or HOW LONG they will take. ONe of the first things I tell new clients is that when we make an appt for next visit, they need to assume that they must have contact w/me before the appt time to confirm. I say that if at all possible I will call them to cancel if a birth happens, but sometimes, I just can't do that--what, I'm going to stop giving care when birth is imminent, or we are dealing with immediate pp matters, to call another client? Nope! And when it's your turn to birth, you will appreciate that undivided attention.

Usually, there is time to call people w/some advance notice, at least a couple hrs. BUt not always. So-consider this normal for now. If this happens repetitively, then maybe this mw is taking too many clients and you should look elsewhere. But it definitely could happen with any hbmw at all, from time to time.

[True Blue]

While birth is unpredictable, I do think there had to have been some way she could have warned you more than 10 min before your appt, especially knowing you were driving a long way to meet her. I'd probably still give her another chance if I really liked her, but if there was someone else out there I might like more or as much I might go with them.

[alegna]

One reschedule due to birth is normal. I wish I had worried more with my first midwife about this though. She rescheduled EVERY SINGLE meeting for months. She was overbooked and spread too thin.

She ended up dumping us at 28 weeks for a bogus reason. I'm thrilled it happened though because it meant we found our midwife who we

-Angela

[purplevega]

I have had to reschedual many appointments with my midwife because of a birth or her being tired from a birth. This is normal. If she is everything you want in a midwife I would give a chance.

Kim

[pigpokey]

If I liked the others I would look into switching before there is an investment, of time, money, emotion.

So why did she screw up? If it were me, I have had enough experiences in my life with people at this point that I don't want to gamble that it was a reason I'm OK with. It's harder to cut loose a midwife once the relationship starts to establish. Also, if you switch before she can take it personally, then if something happens and you need to try to go back, you've not got any strange feelings there.

[beth144]

Thank you all for your replies. i just don't have enough experience w/ midwives to know what is normal, but your reassurances make me feel better. i did call and reschedule our appt. and she will be coming to our home this time so i feel better about that also. i really do like her and feel like i have the best chance of having the birth i want with her. thanks again!

[babymakesthree]

I had a few calls to reschedule pre-natals due to a birth but they were the exception. Obviously a birth is top priority and I was glad for this when my time came. My midwife also had a partner mw and 2 interns so there was someone available for calls/prenatals the majority of the time. Good luck!

[pjabslenz]

Originally Posted by beth144

I was about 10min from her house when she called and said she was up all night at a birth and still an hour away from her house, could we reschedule the appt? There was no other explaination offered as to why she didn't call me earlier. so basically wasted an hour of my time driving that day. now i'm having second thoughts about choosing her.

Is it possible she never called you because she was caring for her client who just had her baby? You mentioned that she told you she was still an hour away from her home so maybe she called as soon as she could. If that's the case, I would feel comfortable with my decision to hire her as my midwife because I would want the same care if she were attending my birth...kwim?

I found you need to be very flexible with homebirth midwives as their schedules are incredibly unpredictable and unless they work in a practice there's a possibility your appointments will be pushed back some or rescheduled.

I suggest giving her another chance.