I have to live at the crisis center

[nataliachick7]

ok so me and my 13 month old have to go there asap...i just called them and they said they are full, and to try back tomorrow at 5 am if they have any openings. we are currently with my parents who are abusive in every way possible, and my bf left me in march because he doesnt want to take responsibility for having a family.
i am just really scared and dont know what to expect. ex said i am stupid for wanting to go there and that its just going to be sleeping on mats in a gymnasium (which i dont think it is). personally, i think i would be stupid to stay HERE any longer, my mother makes me suicidal. no one understands and i just feel really alone. i dont know what is going to happen, or how i will ever be able to get out of the crisis center, i have no money, and my mom is probably going to take the car away from me once she tracks me down, because she tries her hardest to make my life a living hell.
sorry for the rant. anyone have experience with crisis centers?

[AmyY]

It is highly unlikely to be a mat-on-the-gym-floor situation. It is much more likely to be an old house shared by many families like yours, with some in-house advocates who can orient you and your little one to the place. They will also offer counseling, support groups, legal aid, and in some cases will work with you toward educational/job training goals.

I'm sorry you have to wait. Please consider calling them back to ask about their setting so that you can prepare. In the meantime, take the opportunity to get some things ready - any important documents you will need with you; some money; changes of clothes; diapers; favorite toys; keys; things like that. Gather the things without attracting too much attention if you can, so that when the opening comes up you will be ready to go. When you go, if you are concerned about being found, you will need to find a way to leave without drawing attention to the fact that you are not returning. Once you get to the shelter you can let the advocates there know that you left without telling your parents, and ask if they have a recommendation for how to let them know you have left and do not wish to be followed. They may also assist you immediately to file a restraining order (some places this is called an order of protection) so that if they attempt to contact you they can be arrested.

You may want to leave this thread up for a few hours as you gather your thoughts and your possessions for leaving, and then delete it before you go.

Take care of yourself, stay safe, and know that a crisis shelter is a way out and a way to freedom for many many women in your situation.

[incorrigible]

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[nataliachick7]

OMG:

I was just reading on the crisis center website that all the children there will have their immunizations up to date!!!! i no longer vax my ds, he had a really bad reaction to vax's and i DO NOT want any vax's going into him! i am freaking out. what can i do??

[earthmama369]

If he had a bad reaction, you should be able to get a medical exemption form for him. Good luck!

[nataliachick7]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

If he had a bad reaction, you should be able to get a medical exemption form for him. Good luck!

no, i cant get one. his ex ped is terrible, and she said his reactions had nothing to do with the vaccines. : however i talked to a non vax ped about this (who btw, doesnt take our insurance) and he said that she was totally wrong.
i am so upset i am guessing they wont take a religious exemption....

[A&A]

Um, lie about the vaxes. Your ds is completely up to date. You don't have the paperwork (because you left in a hurry). Act like it's no big deal. (PS. I didn't say this!--it's our secret.)

[incorrigible]

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[nataliachick7]

Originally Posted by A&A

Um, lie about the vaxes. Your ds is completely up to date. You don't have the paperwork (because you left in a hurry). Act like it's no big deal. (PS. I didn't say this!--it's our secret.)

thats what i am thinknig too. i wonder if they will request that i get the records to them while i am staying there....i hope not....

[incorrigible]

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[mimie]

Most crisis centers don't want to create roadblocks that make it difficult for women to stay there - they may ask about vaxes (and I think saying something like, "He's up to date and has everything he needs," would work), but I really doubt they will expect documentation or paperwork.

I hope that this center ends up being a good resource for you - lots of women have found great support in these programs.

[MamaDaednu]

I don't have any helpful advice for you....just couldn't pass this by without a

[sunflowers]

Originally Posted by AmyY

You may want to leave this thread up for a few hours as you gather your thoughts and your possessions for leaving, and then delete it before you go.

, Amy.

I have a little quip about vaxes, too. My dd was in the NICU for a few months and transferred a few times. She recieved a vax for hepB at one hospital but the new hospital didn't have access to her records yet. They simply took my word that she got it and moved on. It still isn't "officially" documented in her file the date she received it.

I hope you get a place in the shelter soon. It doesn't sound like you're in a good place right now and any safe place is better than where you are. And poo to your ex. What does he know anyway? It's not like he's doing anything to make your situation better. He only has critcism apparently :

Take care of yourself

[Naless]

Just wanted to send you prayers and warm wishes. I know a shelter is not somewhere any one wants to be but sometimes the best or only place to be. As for the vax situation I agree with PP just say he's up to date and if they want documentation you can't get to it right now at your parents. I can't see them not allowing you in because you don't have a vax form. Who would in this situation?

[Pagan_princess]

Originally Posted by Naless

Just wanted to send you prayers and warm wishes. I know a shelter is not somewhere any one wants to be but sometimes the best or only place to be. As for the vax situation I agree with PP just say he's up to date and if they want documentation you can't get to it right now at your parents. I can't see them not allowing you in because you don't have a vax form. Who would in this situation?

Yep.......
Good Luck!!!!

[Oceanjones]

First of all to you mama. Sorry you're going through such a rough time.

In my mad dash across the country I ended up staying in quite a few different shelters. Some were nicer than others as far as furnishings and whatnot but for the most part everyone was very caring and great about letting me talk and vent as I needed to.

They also usually have a list of resources for helping you get on your feet as well as a paralegal or even an attorney in some cases to help you wade through that side of things.

Some have transitional housing through the shelter to help you get into your own place and they will help you with clothes and personal items too. The one place I stayed even took grocery requests (within reason of course) so we could all have a bit of our favorite comfort food.

I can't see them making a bit issue about the vaxxes. You did say he had some, right? and then a bad reaction? So....I would tell them that he has started his but due to the bad reaction he is on a delayed schedule until his body can more easily tolerate them. They don't have to know everything!

It's not that bad at all. It can get a little hairy sometimes when you have a house full of women who are all having personal crises buuuut...everyone seems to try to get along and do what they have to.

I hope they can get you in soon. I would see if they have any churches that donate regularly or something like that. They could contact them and ask for help with getting you in a hotel until they have a spot for you. (I had a shelter do that for me for 3 days until they had room.)

Good luck! If you want to pm me if you have any other questions or anything feel free. I am pretty darn good at hunting out resources for women even if I am not in that state and I will help in any way I can. (It would give me a break from all this legal research) Take care and stay safe!

~Sarah

[kittywitty]

I'm in IL. I don't have somewhere for you to stay, but I'd like to help if you're nearby. If you want, PM me your town. I won't tell anyone.

[nataliachick7]

oh man....

a very nice mama called the shelter anonymously for me....and they said the child must be caught up with vax's after i get there :

if i had a religuous exemption, i could plead with their staff. however, i dont, my son is only 13 months old and i was going to get one for school entry.....

now i feel so hopeless....i cant risk his health. this really sucks.

[girrllie]

Don't let the vax stop you. If he's 13 months old, then he isn't due for another well-baby until 15 months. At which time you will most likely be out of there. So just say he's up to date and don't worry about the record. I'm sure they won't make you show the actual record, rather probably just check a box on a form or something.

I totally know the whole mom will drive you over the edge feeling. It's horrible. I can only see my mom for 2 days at a time and try to keep it down to once in every 2 years (and i shoot for more!). It sounds like you will really tap into some needed resources in the shelter. So try to get there and then worry about everything else later.

[13moonmama]

I've noticed that whenever proof of vax is needed, they word it in a way that makes it sound like they have to be vaccinated. I think they do this on purpose. I've encountered this many times. I always say I'm exempt and that's that. They accept it.

I hope they find some housing for you where the rent it $35/month. The older your ds gets the easier childcare will be. Pretty soon he'll be at preschool and you will feel better about 'childcare.' My mom use to share rent with another single mom. They've been friends for 35 years. Hang in there! There's no where to go but up. Let us know how things are going.