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LDS Mamas and Papas #43 - Page 6

post #101 of 582
i am so excited to hear all this! i am going to type mine up and print it out to put in my scriptures. i didn't think what they had said made sense. :
post #102 of 582
i thought this would be awesome for food storage.

http://www.specialtybottle.com/index.asp
post #103 of 582
Just jumping in to the conversation here. I'm SOOOO excited that I FINALLY have 50 posts so I can come here. Yay!

I'm Ali, married to DH for 3.5 years (sealed in the Portland, OR temple Dec. 2003), and our sweet lil' dude Ezra, who is 18 months old. We're living in Southeast Colorado (aka the UGLY part of CO) while DH is in an accelerated nursing program. He'll be finished next Aug. with a BSN. Yippee!

I currently watch a friend's baby during the day. He's almost exactly a year younger than Ezra so I have my hands full four days out of the week. Ezra has decided that he no longer wants to sleep, and Gavin (the baby I watch) has decided that he just wants to cry all day. So, I've had Ezra on my back for an hour and I'm trying to rock Gavin to sleep in his carseat because my arms are too tired to hold both babies. Argh!

Anyway, to jump into the conversation about pornography--Although I do agree that it objectifies women, I also have to say that I believe it is men who are more objectified! Why is porn created? Because men are animals and can't control their thoughts and actions. Plus, if they aren't "getting it" at home, then they should have a place to go. Right? Of course, all men, women, and children have their agency and can make a choice whether to "do or don't do." I just think it's sad that it's the men (young and old) who are targeted.

Okay, what a way to jump in! I'm enjoying the conversation already and I hope to find some refuge in here so I can make fun...er...complain about the ridiculously "mainstream" people I'm surrounded by. I'm slowly infiltrating the regime by showing off Ezra's snazzy diapers and bringing my awesome stash of slings to church (well, I have no choice. I'm the primary chorister and I really don't want to send DS to nursery so he's on my back during the second hour! LOL).

This was long...sorry!
post #104 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by lava mama View Post
Why is porn created? Because men are animals and can't control their thoughts and actions. Plus, if they aren't "getting it" at home, then they should have a place to go. Right?
hmm... maybe you could elaborate on this a bit more? especially the bolded part.
honestly, we are all animals- i prefer to say human- and have a sexual drive. some more and some less than others. for example my sex drive is worse than my husbands and he is a 21 year old guy! it runs in my family. our women tend to have a extremely high sex drive or an extremely low one. odd, i know. DH and i, before coming back and converting to the church, watched pron together but it was i who had the paid subscription to porn sites and who picked the porn we would watch. there is also porn out there made for women. it's not as publicized but it is out there. what porn does is play off all of our natural want to feel good. this effects both men and women.
post #105 of 582
oh! and welcome!

DH really loves the name Ezra. he wants to name our son that. the son we will never have because he is incapable of making anything but lovely little ladies.
post #106 of 582
Thanks for the welcome, Maggie, even if it was in question form. LOL.

Okay to answer your question (to the best of my ability, which may not be very much)...

If they aren't "getting it" at home, then they should have a place to go. Right?

This is a statement I have seen in very many different places whenever the topic of pornography comes up. There's always the "I'd rather him watch porn than have an affair" mentality. Essentially, "He's not getting enough lovin' from me, so it's okay for him to watch/look at porn." Men are SO MUCH more than just creatures who want to have sex all the time, and I think that our society really pushes that notion aside. Men are people too! LOL. Seriously though, there is a huge push in our society for women to focus on themselves and in turn, forget about their loving male partners. I think that pornography just takes that one more step further by allowing us (as a society, not me and you) to say, "Men ARE animals. They can't help themselves. You women go on and forget about your hubbies, because there's always porn if they need it." I'm not saying that's what everyone says, but I've seen it way too many times and I can't ignore that sentiment any more!

I think I could have more to say but my brain is mush--and I'm making a huge mess eating my homemade granola!
post #107 of 582
oh okay! that makes way more sense! i thought you were blaming the wife or something and i was like uh....hmmmm... i'll give her the benefit of the doubt. : glad i was wrong.

homemade granola??!! i must demand a recipe. :
post #108 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
no way! and you can't make a photocopy or anything, apparently. i guess i need to frame mine and keep it under lock and key.
I was never told that, so I have several copies of mine. One I even made so I could high light things and make notes.
post #109 of 582
Incidentally, I'd like a whole new patriarchal blessing. I had mine during a brief period of reactivity in high shcool and then left the church for several years after that. Since my blessing specifically said it was contingent upon my obedience and faith, and then I became decidedly disobedient and sort of made some of those blessings impossible, I'm wondering if I could get a new one, since I think my life has taken a completely different path.

They used to give out more than one in the church, but then of course the members became too numerous for that to be practical. Still, this has been on my mind since my mission ten years ago, so I'm thinking if its been bothering me for a decade I should at least ask....
post #110 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by alisaterry View Post
Incidentally, I'd like a whole new patriarchal blessing.
I've heard rumors of this happening, though not to anyone I know personally, but I agree, it's worthwhile to ask. I got mine 10 years ago, and I've been amazed at how some seemingly straightforward passages have morphed meaning for me over time. I don't suppose that is possible with yours?

Quote:
They used to give out more than one in the church, but then of course the members became too numerous for that to be practical.
I'm not sure I understand. There are also more patriarchs now, so where does the overload come in?
post #111 of 582
I haven't heard a word about not being able to get copies of your blessing if you've lost it. What about the poor people who have their blessings in their homes, and have a house fire, or flood, etc? I can't believe the church wouldn't be willing to get a copy for anyone who requests them, even if they do get backed up.

I do know that you *can* ask for a new patriarchal blessing, but it is very rare that you get one. I don't know how rare, just rare. And I don't know how it's decided that you get a new one or not. I suppose it has something to do with the bishop and the patriarch involved.

I got my blessing when I was 13 years old. When I compare mine to DH's, who got his just before his mission, I'm not sure if it's just a completely different patriarch style, or if mine was super simplified for a 13-year-old's mind. It is very simple and pretty much straightforward. I like that, I guess, but it doesn't seem, at least to me right now, to leave room for more detail or different meanings as life goes on.

One thing I've been thinking about, if you don't mind me sharing, is that my blessing tells me that I will work in civic affairs. That one has always thrown me off a bit, because it just doesn't sound like me. But as I've gotten more into this whole anti-circ thing, I wonder if my efforts could qualify now, or eventually, as working in a "civic affair".

And btw, WELCOME, lava mama!!

I better get my tush off the computer and get my kids dressed, now that they're dry from bathtime :P
post #112 of 582
Thread Starter 
Oh sure I don't check in a day and you all go off!

OK, about the patriarchal blessing thing. I actually used to do this as a job. they do get really backed up with orders. Mostly because they want missionaries all to have theirs on their misison so there will be lots of missionary orders. It's a huge task. It was 5 years ago that I did this so if they have a new rule about it, I don't know. But they do have copies of every patriarchal blessing given in downtown salt lake. Actually they are getting a new place. it will be across the street from the church office building. I think so they will have more room. It's the church archives. Anyway, ask you bishop and see about how to order one. It might take a while but I think you can still get copies.

I think one of the reasons they don't give more than one is because some people look at it as it's their life story and well "things are fulfilled" when in reality there is so much in those things and they apply at different times if your life. Now Alisa if you feel you should get another one, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Someone mentioned they weren't sure why it would be a big deal for everyone to get a new one. If you think about it, they are all kept on paper in boxes in the archives. I've seen them. there are shelf after shelf of these things. They are all kept in the same place. If every member of the church had more than one, there wouldn't be enough space to keep them all in. So that would be a back logged way right there. I know Joseph Smith had a lot of blessings. I got to read and look through them. Those books are falling apart but yes a lot of early members had a few. Sometimes they were blessings. It's just interesting.

Mine scares me. It says I will be a leader among the women of the church. that creeps me out! I don't even want to be a YW president or RS president. UGH! But the funny thing is when you read mine with Dh's his has a lot of the stuff mine didn't. Like about kids and what not. Mine told me I would get married and my family would love me. Dh's goes into more detail. It's really interesting to thing they are a full blessing together

Oh yes and you can make copies. Whoever told you Maggie that you can't must have heard it wrong or from someone who didn't know. It's your blessing, you can do what you like with it. I have a photocopy shrunk in my scriptures. I have no idea where my original copy is, but I know they ahve a copy in a box downtown

Sorry this turned into a book. I just thought I'd tell what I knew
post #113 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by marlygf View Post
Mine scares me. It says I will be a leader among the women of the church. that creeps me out! I don't even want to be a YW president or RS president.
Mine says the same thing and it scared me too! "leader" is simply not in my personality type. I'm much more comfortable in the background. But then I remember that it doesn't necessarily mean the obvious. "leader" might not even refer to church calling. It could be leading by example.
post #114 of 582
Ok, I would like some input here.

Keeping in mind I'm relatively new to AP ways, and parenting a nearly 4 year old is really much more challenging than an infant for me. My brain needs some rewiring a lot of times, you know?

DD has recently been refusing to eat dinner. Like, taking one look at it and deciding she doesn't want to eat it. We have been having her sit at the dinner table with us, anyway, asking her to at least try a bite, etc. Sometimes she'll ask for a choo-choo train from daddy, and sometimes daddy just plain doesn't want to do it. Often times, though, he will, but then she will not cooperate and keep her mouth closed too small to allow a fork/spoon with food in, you know?

She's done this in the past, too, and we would just leave her dinner at the table and let her eat a bite here or there as she continue to play before bedtime, but lately, she's not been doing that, and instead, after she's already been tucked into bed, she ends up saying she's hungry and can't sleep, and always wants a piece of bread.

I'm used to the idea of "offer good food, and they won't starve themselves". I'm offering good food. Maybe not the healthiest options, because I struggle with meal planning, but it's good food that she has proven to enjoy in the past, and WAY better than a simple piece of bread.

I was brought up in a family of 6 kids and taught to eat what my mom prepared for us. DH was the same way, although some allowances and changes were made for allergies.

I don't know why I feel like LDS mamas will give a perspective to me that I may not get elsewhere, but I do. Maybe you all can think in terms of larger families, budgeting, appreciating what you're given, family dinner times, I don't know. I am just not sure what to do. Obviously I can't just let her continue to skip dinner and give her a piece of bread after she's in bed. Do I move dinner earlier when she's saying she's hungry for a snack, and not have DH involved in dinner time? Do I let her make choices about what dinner will be (um, overdose on macaroni or pizza, anyone?)? Do I just say "No, I'm sorry you didn't eat your dinner when we tried to work so hard with you, but you'll have to wait till morning to eat?" Do I stop expecting her to eat dinner at all and just try to work around it? None of those options sound particularly good. What would you do?
post #115 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
Mine says the same thing and it scared me too! "leader" is simply not in my personality type. I'm much more comfortable in the background. But then I remember that it doesn't necessarily mean the obvious. "leader" might not even refer to church calling. It could be leading by example.
Mine came with lots of warnings, so God probably knew where I was going...And since I didn't head those warnings, that's why I feel a little inclined to get a new one for the new me.
post #116 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leiahs View Post
Ok, I would like some input here.

Keeping in mind I'm relatively new to AP ways, and parenting a nearly 4 year old is really much more challenging than an infant for me. My brain needs some rewiring a lot of times, you know?

DD has recently been refusing to eat dinner. Like, taking one look at it and deciding she doesn't want to eat it. We have been having her sit at the dinner table with us, anyway, asking her to at least try a bite, etc. Sometimes she'll ask for a choo-choo train from daddy, and sometimes daddy just plain doesn't want to do it. Often times, though, he will, but then she will not cooperate and keep her mouth closed too small to allow a fork/spoon with food in, you know?

She's done this in the past, too, and we would just leave her dinner at the table and let her eat a bite here or there as she continue to play before bedtime, but lately, she's not been doing that, and instead, after she's already been tucked into bed, she ends up saying she's hungry and can't sleep, and always wants a piece of bread.

I'm used to the idea of "offer good food, and they won't starve themselves". I'm offering good food. Maybe not the healthiest options, because I struggle with meal planning, but it's good food that she has proven to enjoy in the past, and WAY better than a simple piece of bread.

I was brought up in a family of 6 kids and taught to eat what my mom prepared for us. DH was the same way, although some allowances and changes were made for allergies.

I don't know why I feel like LDS mamas will give a perspective to me that I may not get elsewhere, but I do. Maybe you all can think in terms of larger families, budgeting, appreciating what you're given, family dinner times, I don't know. I am just not sure what to do. Obviously I can't just let her continue to skip dinner and give her a piece of bread after she's in bed. Do I move dinner earlier when she's saying she's hungry for a snack, and not have DH involved in dinner time? Do I let her make choices about what dinner will be (um, overdose on macaroni or pizza, anyone?)? Do I just say "No, I'm sorry you didn't eat your dinner when we tried to work so hard with you, but you'll have to wait till morning to eat?" Do I stop expecting her to eat dinner at all and just try to work around it? None of those options sound particularly good. What would you do?
Is she maybe a different kind of eater? I know DS likes small bites every hour rather than three meals, which is really a healthy way to eat. Maybe at her age the idea of one big meal is overwhelming.

I don't have a 4 year old, and so I don't have real experience to give you, but while I think it is important to not have to make separate meals for each picky child, I also think it's important not to force it because I think that might encourage the child to develop an unhealthy view of eating.

The way I do it with our 20 month old is that when he's hungry, be it at dinner or later, I give him healthy choices or nothing at all. If he's really hungry he'll accept the choice. But I try not to put a time frame on anything, because in our experience the more freedom we give him over when to eat and what (do you want this sunflower seed bread or some apple), the more willing he has been to try new things and see eating as a fun thing.

I'm sure other mama will have very different views on this, so just file this away and then choose whatever works for your family!
post #117 of 582
Thread Starter 
Alisa, I'd ask. I don't see any harm in it. Tell them why and it might help You could even ask with every bishop you have. Maybe you'll get one who is ok with it

I really would like to think I need to be an example

Leiahs, I am totally going through the same thing. I can tell you what we do, but it's kind of like what you've done. We first of all have a "you have to try everything once" rule. We also have a 5 bites rule. This is all at dinner time. Also lately my boys haven't wanted to eat the dinner when we're eating it and want to eat when they go to bed, so I save their plate and they eat that. They usually will eat it. You could either move up dinner or have it a little later if she has a snack. My poor dh is starving when he get's home from work but I don't usually start until then because I figure if I can feed them closer to bedtime they might eat more. I don't know I'm just playing with it.
I'm also trying to have more of a variety of things. so if they like some part but not others, then they have to try the part they don't want and get to eat the other stuff. It's really just all experimental for me
Sorry if I'm not a whole lot of help but I do sympathize with you and if it helps the same thing is happening at my home every night :
post #118 of 582
Leiahs - I don't really have any advice for you just My 2 year old is doing something very similar now. She's not eating anything, at any meal-time... she just snacks on cherrios & graham crackers all day long. My one year old is a great eater and will always eat anything you put in front of her. Anyway, DD#1 drinks constantly all day long (which is a nightmare for diapers and my laundry), but won't eat anything. We've recently tried giving her snacks right before we start the bedtime routine, but she refuses anything we offer. Then we go through the whole routine and after stories when the lights are shut off she suddenly starts screaming that she wants a yogurt. : I'm not sure what to do with her either...

Emily
post #119 of 582
Frogelymom--Hi! I'm in Oregon too.

Leihas:
Hugs to you. It's hard to have a picky eater. My ds1 is a great eater and not too picky (he does have allergies, so he "picky" in a way) but ds2 is VERY picky. He likes just salty things like french fries and potato chips. I give in too often.:
I have read that eating earlier in the day is best for most people. So I try to offer lots of food earlier in the day. I keep bowls of fruit and cracker on the table a lot. The boys know they can scrounge in the fridge whenever. I am very relaxed about meal times. We do eat dinner together though. Usually ds is ok when he sees us all eating the same thing. Sometimes he doesn't want anything to do with it. I do serve dinner earlier. That means we eat w/o dh most nights, but we usually sit with him when he comes home and talk while he eats.
I wish I had better advice for you. It may be just a stage and pass. Lets hope! She has learned though that bread will come at bedtime if she fusses for it. So maybe be firm and say no, if you want that behavior to stop? No one has ever starved to death in 1 night.
Good luck.
post #120 of 582
On the Patriarchal Blessing topic~

I remember hearing a story of someone who actually DID get a second PB. Guess what? It was EXACTLY the same as the one she had previously. Isn't that gnarly?

I received my blessing after I turned 19, which is pretty much considered "late" since I was raised in the church. But, part of my blessing said to be careful of the men I dated and that eventually I would meet someone who recognizes my worth (or whatever). Amazingly, about a week before I received my blessing, I was in a really horrible situation with a guy and had I not kicked him out of my car I know I would have been raped. I always wonder what my college dating experiences would have been like if I had received that counsel in my blessing earlier.

To whoever asked the food question (Marly?)~

I don't know what to say! DS is 18 months and really doesn't want anything to do with something that isn't breastmilk. I'm having the hardest time getting him to eat something that isn't white: apples, bananas, cheese, "chicken" nuggets, etc. We're revamping our diet at home to include more beans and rice (since we're students and can't afford anything else, LOL) so I hope he'll tolerate them as well.
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