how far apart in age are your kids?

[suziraye]

How far apart in age are your children?
How did you decide a good gap? I know sometimes it happens when it happens, but for those that had some say in it, why did you decide when you did?
I have a 15 month old. I want another. I know that sometimes we arent in control of when it happens but lets pretned that we are.
How far apart do you think too far is? How close together do you think too close is? What are your opinions. How did you handle being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Did you feel like you gave your toddler enough attention when you had a newborn? ughh the questions going on in my mind.

[UptownZoo]

My first two are exactly two years apart, and that felt too close to me! That first year after my second was born is a blur in my memory. I never had the opportunity to test my theory, but I think a 3 year age gap would be more manageable, but still close enough that you wouldn't feel like you were "starting over," KWIM?

[USAmma]

Mine are 3 years 2 mos apart. It was very hard to be pg on bedrest with a 2yo (something I never anticipated), and it was hard to bring a new baby into a home with a three year old who was old enough to be jealous and not understand what was going on. It was hard. Not a good gap in my opinions. The threes are hard enough as it is. I would say very close together is good, and 4 years or more apart is good. My kids are good friends now but my 6yo gets tired of playing at a 3yo level with her sister sometimes. I wish they were more at the same level. On the other hand at least they are playing together. If they had any further of an age gap they might not be.

[suziraye]

I know exactly what you are saying. My mother in law waited till her first was in school before she had her second. I wonder if by then I will feel like I would be "starting over". I dont know how I would feel about 2 in diapers at the same time but at least I will still me in the swing of things. it is such a tough decision. I also want to be able to devote enough time and attention to each one.


QUOTE=UptownZoo;8545006]My first two are exactly two years apart, and that felt too close to me! That first year after my second was born is a blur in my memory. I never had the opportunity to test my theory, but I think a 3 year age gap would be more manageable, but still close enough that you wouldn't feel like you were "starting over," KWIM?[/QUOTE]

[nimblemama]

Mine are 19 months apart. I became pregnant with #2 when my dd was 10 months old. We planned this, but I didn't think I would become pg so quick (#1 took awhile to conceive). Of course, it has been very hard at times, but it has worked out well. Sometimes I think I am so glad my ds was born when dd was very young because it would be so hard to keep up with them now if I were pregnant (they are 3 yrs and 22 months now).

[thepeach80]

Mine are 18 and 23 mos apart and so far it's worked out well. Yes, it's hard sometimes, but they are the best of friends and Evan just adores his little sister like no other!

[lilyka]

Mine were 3 1/2 for the first two and 2 1/2 for the second two. both were good spacing. I wouldn't have wanted to push it on either side.2 1/2-3 1/2 seems like the perfect window to me (although neither was planned) 3 probably would have been ideal.

regardless of how yu slice it it is going to be hard. you have to look beyond that early infancy stage. how far apart do you want them when they are six or eight? Now that they are older being 2-3 years a apart was worth the work of having 2 little ones at once.

[lynnloves2]

Ours are 16 & 15 (14 mo apart - not bio); 13, 11 & 10 ( 2.3 yrs apart & 14 mo apart - Mine & T's bio); 4 yrs & 13 mo. (Margaret & Donor and Margaret & T's).

I think I'm confused, LOL... There are 7 children, ages listed below... The 11 yr old, 4 yr old and 13 mo old were planned... The 16 & 15 year olds are the ex's that we have custody of.

Jen

[Tigerchild]

My kids are either 2 minutes or 17 months apart, depending on who you're talking about.

I think that would have been excellent spacing for singletons (based on someone with my interests and strengths, I'm not a real baby person, so I didn't want to do the baby thing extended out over years), but I've got to tell you...if I had known round two would be twins I probably would have waited a few years if I could guarantee getting the same kiddos.

I think any spacing could be bad for some kid combos, or positive for others. What I've noticed in observing a variety of families with lots of different numbers and spacing of kids is that being happy with the spacing seems to be less dependent on the actual spacing and MORE on the temperment/dynamic of the folks involved. People whose kids don't get along might blame it on spacing, people whose kids are very tempermentally compatable might attribute it to spacing. I don't doubt that spacing can influence that, but I don't think to a huge degree.

I actually feel that to some degree the spacing worked out the best for my daughter. Once the boys had been here 2 weeks, it was like they'd been there forever as far as she was concerned, and a lot of the asinine/inane commentary that people make about/to siblings of baby twins sailed right over her head. Once she was old enough to feel that kind of thing more, the boys were older and less dependent so I could shift more individual focus on her. And she didn't get caught up in the worry/drama like an older child might have, during our very stressful high-risk pregnancy--she just nursed through long appointments, got spoiled by the perinatology office staff, and could adapt quickly before she started needing things to be more routine. But again, that's less of a spacing thing and more of an individual thing--that's where she was at and what she was like at that time.

And my kids all have very compatable personalities, which I attribute to luck and genes rather than spacing, since I know people with similar spacing but kids that go together like oil and water.

I guess I'm being longwinded in saying why I think there is no perfect or forbidden spacing, that you need to be flexible/adaptable no matter what spacing you end up with because children and their personalities don't always go how we think they will/should, and as long as you maintain that flexibility and a sense of humor then really you should be able to handle just about any spacing even if it's not exactly as you wanted it to be or thought it would be.

[UberMama]

15 seconds between the first two and 21 months between the first two and the third.

Honestly, we decided that there needed to be at least 18 months between our twins and our third child. I think we began TTC our third when the twins were 6-7 months, but didn't conceive for five months - which made DD arrive 21 months after the twins were born.

It's perfect spacing for our family. In fact, we're asked constantly if they are triplets - which is funny, since DD is noticeably smaller than her brothers, though she's catching up fast (taking after my tall side of the family!).

I agree that there's no perfect spacing for any family. There are pros and cons. Some days, I feel I am going insane and wonder why we didn't wait for number three. Not because DD is a pill, but more because all three together can grate on just about anyones nerves occasionally. But for the most part, we are genuinely happy with the spacing and don't regret it.

[Alohamelly]

Mine will be 10 years apart. It wasn't what I wanted, but I'm glad it's worked out this way. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am and how much help my DD will be with the baby and I agree! I hope to have at least one more baby and I'd ideally like a 3 year age gap between this one and the next.

[arlecchina]

12 years, 10 months apart

[treemom2]

How far apart in age are your children?
DD and DS are a little over 3 years apart

How did you decide a good gap?
I'm not sure this is a good gap, I think I would have preferred a larger gap.

I know sometimes it happens when it happens, but for those that had some say in it, why did you decide when you did?
We thought four years apart would be good. It took us a long time to get pg with DD so we thought we would have a longer wait with DS as well. It's close enough to four years though.

How far apart do you think too far is? How close together do you think too close is? What are your opinions.
I think 5 or more years apart would be ideal.

How did you handle being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Did you feel like you gave your toddler enough attention when you had a newborn?
This was soooo hard and I know from reading on the boards that a lot of moms have tons of mommy guilt when their second child comes along. I definately didn't feel either of my children were getting the attention they needed and I felt that I went from being a good mom to being maybe mediocre. I hated having to put down DS to attend to DD's needs. . .like having to break him off the breast to wipe DD after she poo'd and listening to him cry. Another time I was slinging DS and walking with DD. He was majorly poopy, needed to nurse so we were hurrying to a safe place to do both, she fell down because I was hurrying so fast and really skinned up her knee--I had both kids screaming needing attention. It was sooooo hard. I also love being able to have precious alone time with my children when they are babies, just holding them, nursing them, singing to them for hours at a time. When DS came I felt both of us missed out on this time together since after he nursed to sleep, I often put him down to play with DD. I think it would be good to have one a little more independent before adding another. Just my opinion though! Sorry so long

[Alkenny]

I have a couple of different spacings...

2 years and 3 months between my first two.

8 years and 4 months between my last two.

There are pros and cons to both situations...the first two were so close that there was/and still is jealousy issues, fighting, etc. The pros are that for as much as they fight, they're also at similar places at the same time too, I got the baby gear and restrictions out of the way all at once, etc.

The last two...the cons were that I was at a point in life where I didn't have baby gear, didn't have to plan ahead for anything, got some ALONE time because the kids could play outside on their own, etc and here I was 'stuck' again (that's how I felt). The pros to it are that the older ones just LOVE their little brother, they babysit for him when I need to run somewhere quickly, and I have alot more patience with him now (but that may be me being older).

FWIW...the first spacing was planned, the last one was NOT. If I'd have to pick between the two though, I would go with spacing them out further hands down.

[mistymama]

I don't think there is any perfect answer. I'm 5.5 years older than my next youngest sis, and that was a really cool age gap for us. I was almost like a 2nd Mommy, and by the time she came I really WANTED a little sister. After that child, my Mom had a suprise and got pregnant with twins .. they are only 11 months yonger than my middle sis. My Mom says that time was a total blur (and I helped a TON) but we are all very close.

I always thought I wanted my kids about 3 years apart. But thinking about what a difficult time the 3's were for my spirited son, I don't think that would have been the best idea.

As things turn out, it appears IF I have another child, it will be after my son is in Kindergarten, so at least a 5-6 year gap. I do feel like I will be totally starting over and to be honest ... life is so easy now, sleeping through the night, a child who is able to entertain himself and let me sleep in sometimes, can dress himself, etc ... well, somedays I can't quite imagine going back to the 24/7 breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering that I know I would want to do again with baby #2. Sometimes I think it might be best to only have one and not start over.

It's a tough decision!

[mahogny]

My kids are 3 yrs 4 mos apart, and I love the spacing. It wasn't planned; we were aiming for 2 yrs apart, but in hindsight I'm THRILLED that it didn't end up that way. 2yo's are still babies in so many ways, and I know I couldn't have handled it!

My kids' spacing worked out perfectly. When DD was born, DS was old enough to be independent in the potty, get his own simple snacks, get his own drinks, and to delay satisfaction. Ie, "I'll make you lunch as soon as DD is done nursing." And he was okay with that - he understood how to wait.

However, he was still young enough to need a nap everyday, so he would go in for his nap, and then I could lay down for a nap with newborn DD. That was nice!!! If he had been older when DD was born, he wouldn't need naps everyday (he outgrew them at about 4 yo) but any younger, I would still have had to put him down myself. DD happened to be born at the perfect time when DS would put himself down for naps.

They are 5.5 and 2 now, and they play together so well!

[mama_kass]

My kids are 6 and a half years apart. I like the gap. They are very close, but I don't think it has anything at all to do with age. I don't think I would want kids that were one or two years apart. Too hard! Three or more would be ok, but I'd prefer to always have 5 or more years between. Look, I'm talking like I'm going to have a bunch!

[cutekid]

Originally Posted by mistymama

I don't think there is any perfect answer. I'm 5.5 years older than my next youngest sis, and that was a really cool age gap for us. I was almost like a 2nd Mommy, and by the time she came I really WANTED a little sister. After that child, my Mom had a suprise and got pregnant with twins .. they are only 11 months yonger than my middle sis. My Mom says that time was a total blur (and I helped a TON) but we are all very close.

I always thought I wanted my kids about 3 years apart. But thinking about what a difficult time the 3's were for my spirited son, I don't think that would have been the best idea.

As things turn out, it appears IF I have another child, it will be after my son is in Kindergarten, so at least a 5-6 year gap. I do feel like I will be totally starting over and to be honest ... life is so easy now, sleeping through the night, a child who is able to entertain himself and let me sleep in sometimes, can dress himself, etc ... well, somedays I can't quite imagine going back to the 24/7 breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering that I know I would want to do again with baby #2. Sometimes I think it might be best to only have one and not start over.

It's a tough decision!

I know how you feel. I always said if we have another I want a 4-5 year age gap..so I can take a "break". Well, I am not so sure of that now. My DS will be 3 next week, and if we have another, I want to be pregnant no later than November. I think it might be better to just have one, rather than start over. I told my DF that when our son goes to school, that he'll hae to buy me a dog I have lots of friends who are very much into family planning right now. Last year everyone except for three women in our group had onlys, come this november pretty much everyone except me and the new moms who just joined the group will have two kids, all under 3 years a part.
I would like to start my career at some point. If I have another baby I would ahve to put my career off for another 3 to 5 years. (just long enough to get my masters )
Denise

[teachma]

My two children are 3 yrs 7 mos apart. It works very well for us. The major factors that contributed to my waiting longer than many people do are:

1. First child was extremely high needs.
2. As a WOH mom, I needed to negotiate cost and logistics of childcare for two children.

[A&A]

Five years apart.

I had a very traumatic birth with #1 and it took me a long time to recover from that, both physically and emotionally.

Being a WOHM played into my decision to have a wider spacing, as well.