June '07 Moms *July Thread* - Page 7

[Jilian]

I can nurse in the pouch but not the ring sling or mei tei. I'm trying to get the hang of nursing in the ring sling so I can use the tail to cover up and be a little more discreet. I'm shy about showing any skin while NIP.

While we're on the NIP subject, I have a little bit of a vent. I'm shy about NIP as it is, and the other day DH and I were in Target and baby DS wanted to nurse. DH said "Go into the bathroom". : I got really mad, what was I supposed to do, sit on a dirty toilet to nurse DS? Then he wanted me to go into the car. I said no (DS was crying by this time) so I found a bench and sat down to nurse DS. DH holds up a blanket and stands in front of me. I told him to sit down. I draped the blanket over my shoulder so I was not showing anything. But DH really pissed me off. We talked about it later and he said that he thinks it is rude to NIP because it offends some people. We had a long talk about DS's needs and me not caring if someone is offended by seeing me nursing very discreetely. He agreed but I still can't believe he had that attitude towards me feeding our child in public.

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by willoLevin

Interesting... Do you still have any aches just at normal times? Because I'm mostly better, but I still have a mild tailbone ache if I sit on a hard surface!

--willo

In the first few weeks after birth my tailbone still hurt most of the time and sometimes I would get a sharp shooting pain out of nowhere. Now it doesn't hurt as often and usually only when I'm laying on my back with my knees bent or sitting on a hard chair for too long. I think I somehow hurt my tailbone during labor and now it's just starting to get better. But Boy were thos pains sharp and scary during labor. There was no relief no matter what I did!

[OTMomma]

Jillian- My dh was freaked out about NIP with our first child- I am pretty sure it still embarrasses him with Ian, but he now knows that its not up for discussion. I try hard not to actually flash anyone, but for the most part it doesn't stress me. Last night I told dh that since we are in the Bible belt that if anyone says anything to me about NIP that I'm going to just tell them that I'm feeling my baby the way Mary fed Jesus, and if they have a problem with it, they should pray to God about it.

Ann- I am working on nursing in the wrap- if I could get baby in the right spot I could definately nursing while walking around and doing stuff hands free, but baby has to keep latched on, and he's bad to pop off right now and not be able to get back in position.

[Keeping up]

Jillian - I was so nervous about NIP (that took me a few minutes to figure out) with #1 and have become progressively less nervous with each kiddo. It did help that one of my friends was darn near an exhibitionist when it came to NIP (love her) that I became so much more at ease!

I now will nurse anywhere - and actually hate to go anywhere private (would prefer to speak to people) - nursing can be a bit boring at times!

I was at a kitchen design place last week for a consult (we are reno'ing the house) and I just asked if it was OK to nurse (kitchen designer was a woman - would be more reluctant if it was a guy) - either that, listen to a screaming baby or wait for me to finish. In hindsight, I was wondering if that was OK. I cover up with a blanket so once all set up no one knows anything is happening!!!

I also nursed on Friday in front of friends' of my husband who were over for dinner. My husband is 50 (and so were these friends) and I was wondering if that was a bit weird for them. People my age (and who have breastfeeding wives) seem to be much more comfortable but nursing a babe in front of someone older (whose youngest kid is now 14) might cause them to be a bit more uncomfortable. I was hungry and it was dinner time so I just went with it!

[dara00]

yeah I am ok with nip but I want to be able to move around with dd while nursing, rather than having to stop and sit down somewhere. still not sure if I'm going to the movies today...I don't think we have the mom/baby thing around here because I couldn't find anything online! I know we have free for kids during the summer, but I still don't think i can take both of them, and those aren't for movies I want to see anyway!

[wombatclay]

Our culture is so whacked when it comes to breastfeeding...anyone read the lactivism article in the most recent mothering mag?

I'm really lucky that I haven't run into NIP disapproval...though part of me wishes I would cause I'm just raring to go in terms of defending my babe's right to eat! I'm really not body shy so I'd love a chance to make NIP more of a non-issue so that more reserved mamas wont have to worry (if that makes sense?).

My silliest nip moment was on a road trip. DD1 was at the age where she was easily distracted and would pop off and on...probably around 7 months? Anyway, we were at a rest stop on the MassPike and I was nursing on a bench when a bus full of boy scouts arrived. DD was thrilled and 20 or so teen boys and their chaperones got a wonderful education in lactation. Sigh. I just smiled and tried not to squirt anyone as dd bounced back and forth between her lunch and the shiny buttons and colorful badges of troop whatever.

Does anyone live near an IKEA? I don't (but we road trip a few times a year to IKEA), but it's a great place for nursing! They have family bathrooms and nursing rooms with comfy armchairs. And I've never had anyone complain or even look when I've plopped down on a bed or couch to nurse dd and rest my feet. DH and I treat our IKEA trips more as family vacations than shopping...though the prices are nice too. We probably wont go any time soon, but dd1's first road trip was to IKEA, and we all went to the Stoughton IKEA grand opening. I don't recommend grand openings with a baby.

[dara00]

weird, I was thinking of going to ikea tomorrow! ours is across from the airport and dd loves planes, so I was going to have her look at the planes and then play in the kiddie area. this outing is one of the ones I'm worried about for if ds needs to nurse while dd is wanting me!

[torio]

Willo, congrats on the beautiful prone nursing session! Night nursing is one of my favorites--snuggly, sweet baby curling up next to me. But having two is still a challenge and I'm always feeling like one is being left out.

I'm also working on nursing in the sling, pouch, mei tai. Yes, I have all three, plus a moby, but that's just too hot in Miami this time of year--unless I were in one of those overly air conditioned places. It works best in the pouch, but we still have a little trouble walking and moving around while nursing. I think it would work better if the pouch were shorter? But then, the babes will get bigger and eventually have head control so maybe that will help. For now the sling seems big and sloppy. The rings are always sliding down my back or chest and baby seems like s/he is just flopped into the bottom of a sack. I wish I'd had my mei tai when my babes were tiny 6 pounders because I think they would've fit together. Now they're a little big for that--or maybe they just don't want to be squished together.

Jillian, I'm so sorry that your DH has issues with NIP. It really hurts to have your partner be unsupportive of something that's important to you--and to your baby! My DH is fine with NIP, in fact I think he's really proud of my confidence (we're tandem NIP) and the fact that nursing came easily to our kiddos. However, he's got big issues with my refusal to let our babes cry it out. We have friends, a couple with 6 and 4 yr old girls, who insist that CIO, sleep in separate crib and room are a must. They (including DH) argue that the girls are fine so CIO must be fine. I remind myself that I'm lucky DH agreed (albeit reluctantly) to cloth diapers (at least while we're at home) and that it turns out he loves sharing our bed with the babes. (our daughter has taken a real liking to snuggling up to him at night). But every time we have a rough night he argues that once we've fed, changed and briefly comforted our babies they no longer need attention. It makes me feel uncomfortable about leaving our babes alone with him. And it makes me feel like I can never express even the least frustration when I'm tired, have tried everything and am still working at comforting a crying baby or two. Gotta keep working at this one. I hope your DH is not as stubborn as mine.

That said, I really think our twins are not terribly difficult babies. I nannied for far worse. At this young age they're just getting used to things--it's normal for them to be fussy, disorganized and unpredictable. We actually get good sleep (admittedly for about 3 hours or so at a time) for more than half the time now.

We went to babies' first art opening reception yesterday. (DH and I are both artists and I teach in a university art program) Both babes were so sweet and good. Of course we saw lots of folks who hadn't met the babes yet. Lots of cooing and unsolicited parenting advice. Afterward we had pizza at a little place that's been around since DH was a teenager. It's still a local teen hang-out. I kept thinking of my eldest niece who just turned 15 and how quickly my little babes will be teens. Sure makes those long, late nights more bearable.

[brittneyscott]

Well maybe I can feel better about having the epi than seeing how everyone agrees that back labor is worse than a normal labor. I wouldn't know because I had back labor with both my babies. It was much worse this time around though. My ctx started at 5am and by half an hour later I could barely stand up during them. My back would hurt so bad during the ctx that I couldn't stand up straight. Oh well. Its over now. At least my baby is healthy.

The sore nipples I had must have been from a bad latch. I was really tired from no sleep during our 3wk spurt so I must have let him latch on wrong during the night. I just pumped that side instead of letting him nurse from it for a few feedings and it went away. Yeah! We're back to normal now and we lived through the growth spurt! Now on to 6wks!

DS is taking a bottle now. We're using the playtex nurser with the naturalatch nipple. He's taking it pretty well. I worked part of the night Saturday as a test drive and he took his bottle of EBM good. I'll be going back to work this weekend now I guess. It kinda sucks but we need the money.

I understand the baby name thing though. We call Connor either "Little Man" or "Chunky Monkey" most of the time. Chunky monkey b/c he's so much bigger than DD was. With DD she was always the baby. We hardly ever called her by her name.

Check up with LC today. She's going to weigh DS. I can't wait to see how he's growing. PP body is slowing getting better. I can get into some of my larger or stretchier pre-preg pants now. Yeah!!!

[dara00]

oh my dh is pro cio too. he says I have to let zachary learn to self sooth. he's only a month old! bleh.

[willoLevin]

My DH doesn't have any NIP issues, but he's almost entirely lacking in normal social skills (almost stereotypically an absent-minded professor) and hang-ups, so I think it would never occur to him.

Then again, I feel like he isn't supportive enough of BF in general. If it were going well ("normally"), he'd be all for it, but given our sons' weight gain issues in the early weeks, he is MUCH more comfortable supplementing, and he prefers the bottle to helping me use the SNS (which, admittedly, I hate and get very upset/worked up when using...) That's really hard, because I'll ask him, "Have you read [insert parenting/nursing book here]?" And, of course, he hasn't, and he doesn't have time to do so, but he can't quite trust my interpretation of it either. Big sighs. It has been much easier this time around, because we had a deal in advance that I would accede to supplements/bottles sooner than we did last time. And, again, admittedly, I'm way less tormented than I was at this point with S.

But back to NIP... I'm the shy one there. Well, I *WOULD* bear whatever aspects of my anatomy were necessary to feed my baby, but I prefer not to. I'm also quite busty, and generally really bad at keeping not-utterly-necessary parts of myself covered while nursing. Oh well. God only knows if I'll ever get to a point where NIP is even called for with this baby.

I think I'm about to go for an hour's visit at a friend's house--for the first time, alone with both kids. Hmm... Only because I know she'll help me be comfortable however necessary at her house. (I'm not very good at this newborn-management phase!)

--willo

[willoLevin]

Oh, and DH was very opposed to co-sleeping (which we tried with S. and didn't love), but now he's of the "do whatever works best in the moment" school of thought.

It helps that DS#1 is now an excellent sleeper. It just took him well over a year to get there! Arg!

But it is also helping that A. is so different. I think DH can see now that the baby's individual temperament is so much a part of how s/he will sleep.

He still largely blames my low milk supply for our early issues, though, because S. had to nurse round the clock to get enough nourishment... I think, maybe, he thinks that early "training" kept him acclimated to frequent wakings later on.

But the boy sleeps well now, God bless him!!! Here's hoping A. continues to be an easier sleeper than S. was in his infancy and toddlerhood!

--willo

[txbikegrrl]

Willo, I think you're amazing for all that you're doing to bf. I somewhat understand some of your issues.

DS couldn't latch at all in the beginning and lost much weight the first week. I just didn't produce enough milk so he was very listless. We had to supplement a few times -- first with a bottle but then we switched to a finger feeder so the babe wouldn't get used to such a fast flow.

I pumped after each feeding the first two weeks until my supply finally came in fully and was more regulated, right when DH returned to work. I'm not sure if I could've kept it up that often after DH went back to work. I pumped twice a day for another week or so and am now down to pumping just after the first (morning) feed.

BUT unfortunately DS is still using the nipple shield. I just can't get him to nurse without it. It breaks my heart. DH just doesn't understand. To him, DS is finally getting all of the breast milk he needs straight from the source so what's the problem...

ANY THOUGHTS ON HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY WEAN DS FROM THE SHIELD?!?

Other than that though DH is extremely supportive. Like with the CIO issue. He asked if we should consider it and I told him newborns can not regulate themselves developmentally so it's not appropriate and he takes my word for it because he knows I've done my research.

I'm so impressed by those of you who can nurse while slinging. I'm very envious...

[wombatclay]

Dara- I've been to that IKEA a lot...and that was dd1's first road trip at around 4 months. I lived in the city for a few years and so dh and I would drive in from Boston to visit friends and hit IKEA. Then we moved back to upstate NY and they opened an IKEA outside Boston...so now we visit friends in Boston and nosh the swedish meatball there. Yes, we have an IKEA problem! (not to the Fight Club extent though)

I've found the NJ IKEA to be more mama friendly than the Boston one btw...Many times a mama in Boston will lock the door to the nursing room while she nurses, while in NJ mamas seem happy to nurse with other mamas in the space as well.

Torio- we haven't gone recently, but we used to sling dd1 to art openings and gallery shows pretty regularly. Toddlers don't work so well, but babes in sling always made a good impression. And since most of the artists were our friends they loved the fact that we could make it...

My DH is an odd duck...very absent minded professor too. But he was diagnosed with adult ADD and depression so he has medications that actually help him focus a bit more.

He was the one who insisted DD1 wasn't happy in the co-sleeper and that it really was okay to pull her into the big bed. He hates CIO and can't figure out why people would have a baby if they didn't want to actually have a baby around. He is gung ho about my tandem nursing, and expects me to nurse both babes till they are at least 2-3 years old. And he is a lactivist and natural birth advocate...he'll jump into conversations and really educate people (and they seem to believe the "science dude" more than the mama with the hands-on experience...grrrr...but at least they believe!). And although he wants our kiddos to have their shots, he's very supportive of delayed/selective vax and trusts me to do the research and make those decisions.

Overall there isn't much in the parenting department he isn't supportive of. If anything, my real problem is I sometimes want to bounce parenting idas off him and he will sometimes just "opt out" with a "whatever you decide is what we'll do" approach. And I don't want to feel like I'm making all the decisions when it comes to the kiddos! But that's a pretty minor complaint.

[wombatclay]

ANY THOUGHTS ON HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY WEAN DS FROM THE SHIELD?!?

I've never done it myself, but...HTH!

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...d.html#weaning

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

but dd1's first road trip was to IKEA, and we all went to the Stoughton IKEA grand opening. I don't recommend grand openings with a baby.

I've never been to IKEA but I lived in Stoughton, MA all my life and moved to FL just before they started buidling the IKEA there. IKEA looks awesome and I wish we had one in FL.

More on the DH & parenting issues: Before DS was born DH was happy I was going to BF but sad about missing out on the bonding. Now that DH pretty much gets to sleep through the night while I feed DS and sees how healthy DS is he is all for BF. But I know that when DS cries and DH cannot soothe him and has to hand him over to me it hurts his feelings. But I remind him that in the grand scheme of babyhood the amount of time that a baby is EBF is pretty short. Once DS is around a year he'll be nursing a lot less and a lot more interested in playing with DH.

My DH is also pro-circ but for all the wrong reasons IMO (mainly cosmetic, and wanting him to look like DH does). I told him that if he wanted our son circed he'd have to kill me first. Our son is not circed. DS1 (ex DH's son) is also not circed. DH still says he'd circ DS if I ok'd it. We agree to disagree about it and never discuss it because I get really mad at him.

[wombatclay]

Jilian- Oh my goodness! I lived in Stoughton for a year (1997-1998) after college and before dh and I moved into Jamaica Plain. We may have crossed paths in our pre-baby days!

DH isn't circ'd and agreed with me that any boys we had would remain intact. I respect religious observances, but honestly don't understand the "routine procedure" mentality so many people seem to have towards non-religious circ. I was visiting friends in the hospital when their ds was taken out for his circ...you could hear him crying all the way down the hall and he cried bloody murder for 10-15 minutes (was brought back to the room after he "fell asleep"). My friend ignored it and her dh told mine "just cross your legs and think about something else" when we first heard the babe cry and dh looked towards the door (assuming dh was circ'd too I guess). Sigh...we've been friends a loooooong time, but some things we just don't talk about!

[herbmama3-7]

I was visiting friends in the hospital when their ds was taken out for his circ...you could hear him crying all the way down the hall and he cried bloody murder for 10-15 minutes (was brought back to the room after he "fell asleep"). My friend ignored it and her dh told mine "just cross your legs and think about something else" when we first heard the babe cry and dh looked towards the door (assuming dh was circ'd too I guess). Sigh...we've been friends a loooooong time, but some things we just don't talk about![/QUOTE] This is a quote from Wombat, don't know what went wrong...

That just breaks my heart, I cried and cried at the PKU test alone, I don't get it either, I guess I have been educated about it all my life, so not circumcising is a no brainer to me.

On the IKEA suject, I have never been either, but found ds's "big boy bed" on craigs list and it is from IKEA. I love it, it is smaller than a twin but quite a bit bigger than most traditional toddler beds. It also expands longer so when they grow it fits them. The mattress even grows, (it's an extra piece you add). We will most likely use it a very long time.

My midwife comes today for our four week post partum, dd still has her umbilical, so I am curious to see if she sends us to the hospital to remove it. It is not infected at all, my guess is that the clamp is not tight enough and is letting just enough blood through to keep it alive or something. I will be doing a happy dance when it comes off.

On DH issues, mine is very supportive with me when it comes to NIP and CS and vax decisions, what bugs me right now is that he doesn't seem/act interested in dd, he would rather spend time with ds. I remember this with ds too when he was this age, he just keeps saying "the infant stage is not daddy time, she only wants mommy now", it kind of breaks my heart. I know he loves her, but just doesn't know what to do with her right now I guess. I look forward to her growing up a bit and completely wrapping him around her finger.

[brittneyscott]

Originally Posted by herbmama3-7

[B]On DH issues, mine is very supportive with me when it comes to NIP and CS and vax decisions, what bugs me right now is that he doesn't seem/act interested in dd, he would rather spend time with ds. I remember this with ds too when he was this age, he just keeps saying "the infant stage is not daddy time, she only wants mommy now", it kind of breaks my heart. I know he loves her, but just doesn't know what to do with her right now I guess. I look forward to her growing up a bit and completely wrapping him around her finger.

He'll get attached to her more later. Daddy's can't help but love their little girls. I had to force my DH to let me hold DD when we had her. He didn't want to put her down in the hospital. With DS this time he's more laid back about it. He spends time with him but he's not as obsessed as he was with DD.


Moms with toddlers: What are you doing to entertain your little ones? My poor DD has been spending A LOT of time in front of the tv. I feel so awful about it but I don't know what else to do. I want to get some crafts/activities /games for her but I don't know what all to get or do with her. She'll be 2 next month. Any ideas?

There aren't any places for kids around here (or anybody to be honest). There is one playground that's safe but it's too hot to take DS outside right now. In a couple of weeks we'll start getting out more, maybe we can find someone to go visit or something but I need something to entertain her now.

LC hasn't shown up today. I tried to call her but I can't get an answer. I wonder what happened. I really wanted to know how my baby was doing with his growth. This is really annoying.

[wombatclay]

ahhhh...toddlers...

DD1 (2yo) is getting more tv time too...and hour of sesame street and an hour of caillou. But it's helped with nap time actually since there is a very specific order to the day. Sesame...then caillou...then nap.

Other than that...we have a sandbox and water table on the front porch. We have a smaller sandbox out back (the smaller one is actually one of those plastic boxes that goes under a bed...but it holds a few inches of sand and has a tight lid!). DD really likes going back and forth between the sand and the water.

Inside I put down a towel and let her make water paintings...either plain water on a chalk board, or a few colors on paper, and sometimes a waldorf style wet/wet painting. She has a blast. Sometimes she'll use her crayons but these days she's all about the water.

She is very much into her M&D wooden doll house and will spend 20-30 minutes at a time moving the dolls and "pretending". Dress up clothes, especially hats, seem popular too. She came up with a game where she puts a scarf over her head and pretends to be a "little ghostie" (her words)...then mama and the ghostie go looking for Laia. Eventually she'll pull off the scarf and be "found".

Story books over and over and over and over...

Putting on music and letting her dance...

Building things with her blocks...

She loves helping make dinner too...cutting soft fruits/veggies with a bread knife. Stirring things, pouring things, putting things in the dish washer, etc. It doesn't have to be real cooking either...for example dd could measure out dried beans or something non-messy even if dinner doesn't involve beans.