My dh could have killed my dd today!!! - Page 2

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by Thao

I hope I can say this in a way that you don't consider it a criticism...

Your feelings are valid and need to be dealt with. However, I think they are not completely realistic. What I mean by that is that it is highly unlikely that a child would die from a fall from a crib, or from tasting a little bit of vaseline (she probably wouldn't eat the whole tube because the first taste would be nasty). Kids do fall, spill, tumble, etc etc and they are built to withstand it.

I'm not saying the crib rail shouldn't be up, of course it should, but to me fearing that the child would have *died* because it was down is simply not realistic.

I just want to say that I think that either of these things can really be problematic and children can die from freak things--so I say, play it safe. I didn't get the age of her (the OP's) children but small babies die from lesser things, like suffocating in pillows, drowning in buckets or even toilets when not under a watchful eye. I saw an Oprah episode once where a toddler aspirated on a bottle of baby oil and died. I am not trying to point out even more traumatic situations, but if the OP says that daddy isn't paying attention, well, this sounds like a problem--it doesn't sound like just her fears.
Yes, we can pad babies in foam and never let them out of our sight, but the opposite--carelessness--can lead to a broken heart and the loss of a life. A friend of mine lost her sweet three year old when she accidentally tangled herself up in the venetian blind cord during a nap and strangled. I may be a little on the paranoid side myself, but after watching people that I know have such things happen to them, I really just say--better safe than sorry.

I am sorry, OP, that you are struggling with this and hope you can resolve the issues.

[Kirsten]

First, I am sorry for the stress you are under due to your upcoming trip/surgery. I hope everything goes smoothly.

In regards to the situation you posted about -

I read the title of the thread and clicked to open and see what he'd done, expecting something really awful. He left the side of the crib down? That is really not a "he almost killed her" issue. It really, really isn't.

I'm sorry he grabbed you and brought back that instinct from your previous relationship. He knows better than to do that, and it sounds like he apologized, as you did. That is good. I think he might have gotten so upset because he has no authority or trust for his own children. They are his kids just as much as they are yours. It would feel awful to think that your spouse didn't trust you with your own kids.

I have three kids. But I remember when I just had dd1. I thought that I knew exactly how to feed, hold, bathe, put to sleep, get her in and out of the car seat, etc. the best possible way. I found his ways of doing those things to be really inferior. I was always trying to get him to do things my way, or just being pissy when he would hold her differently, or not soothe her the way I would, etc.

It was bad for my relationship with him. It was bad for his relationship with her. The only thing it did positively was make me think (in my own head) what a capable parent I was. Much better once I let go and let him find his own way. Kids really are tougher than we think when we are first time moms.

Have you considered trying counceling again with a different person? Seems like you have things from your past - and present with health issues - that can negatively affect the very nice family you have now. I also overreacted a lot when I was post-partum after dd2. I think it is good to come here to see if you get a bunch of "of course/totally agree with you" or more "you might be overreacting" to guage if your emotions might be getting the better of you.

Glad you and dp are ok now. Having young twins must be a lot of work. I always wished for twins, but that was before I knew how much work one baby could be. Hug your dp and hug your babies. It will be ok.

[ElliesMomma]

i'm a very careful momma, to the point sometimes of being a bit paranoid, where i check and recheck things such as the crib side being up.

sometimes i have found that i left it down. if baby didn't get out (she never has yet), i say "whew!" and move on.

and the vaseline-- for some reason, my DD just *wants* it. i know it's not "poison" b/c i've put it on my own chapped lips for years. however, it's not something to consume a lot of. my solution has been to save the used up container and let her have that one to play with. she likes to put the lid on and off.

my advice to you would be to try not to sweat the small stuff.