Confession and Looking for Support

[Nature]

Alright.. I'm posting here to hold myself accountable, and for some support. You guys can't support me if you don't know... sooo....

After my last pregnancy I started smoking again. After two years of not smoking. I know. Stupid. I quit every time I got pregnant. Shortly after the positive pregnancy test I would get so sick around smoke that it was easy to quit. So I waited for that this time.

And it didn't happen. :

So I tried to cut back, but of course.. still filled with total guilt. I wasn't looking forward to quitting when I'm feeling so horribly sick to my stomach about everything else (except smoke apparently!)

Monday morning when I woke up I didn't have one. I was feeling so rotten I just laid in bed with the girls for awhile. And before I knew it, half the day was gone lounging away and I hadn't had a smoke at all.

I still haven't had one! Going on day 4! I have no desire to have one either, despite spending the day with family yesterday that smokes, and my dh that still smokes outside. I thought I'd be craving more, but I'm not.

I really really don't want to start up after this pregnancy again. I'd like more than anything to be smoke free for good!

So, as much as this marrs my perfect MDCness... I wanted to fess up so that I could get some support. Its not easy quitting and staying that way, when you're around people who have no desire to quit.

So theres my confession.

[joshs_girl]

I think it's wonderful you've gone four days without smoking! That's a big step in the right direction!

And no judgment from me - we all have our vices!

[nolonger]

Okay, if you're past the three day mark, then the worst is over; the nicotine is actually out of your body and now you're only dealing with the psychological addiction. I'm so glad you decided to quit cold turkey instead of cutting back, because cutting back doesn't work: it only proilongs the misery.

The onoly reason I know that is because I quit less than two years ago. I started when I was 13 and quit when I was 40. Ihad the same aversion that made quitting during pregnancy easy, but tbh, it was more "cuting way back" than quitting and I always started right back up again after the birth.

I highly, highly recommend quitnet for 24/7 support and wisdom, but please keep in mind that it is funded by nicotine replacement products that DON'T WORK.

Check out Why Quit dot com for more motivation and an explanation of why cold turkey is the easiest (and in my case, the only) way to successfully quit once and for all.

No judgement, just s for doing something very difficult and very worth it and probably the best gift you could ever give your baby. Hang in there; it really does get easier.

[ksera05]

yay for quitting! : and

[nausicaamom]

: Yay for four days on the wagon!

I quit during my pregnancy with Michael but started back up 2 months post partum, quit again for two months this winter and was doing the whole two days on and four days off thing when I found out I was pregnant with the bean - in fact it was my husband saying something about the smoking the sparked the crying fit that made me test. It's damn hard to quit - the thing that made it the hardest for me was that it was five minutes that was *just* for me - I couldn't be a wife or a mom for those five minutes. I quit about a week after my BFP and have my cravings but they are getting farter and farther apart.

Way to go momma and thanks so much for having the courage to share!

[Nature]

Originally Posted by joshs_girl

I think it's wonderful you've gone four days without smoking! That's a big step in the right direction!

And no judgment from me - we all have our vices!

Thank you!

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider

Okay, if you're past the three day mark, then the worst is over; the nicotine is actually out of your body and now you're only dealing with the psychological addiction. I'm so glad you decided to quit cold turkey instead of cutting back, because cutting back doesn't work: it only proilongs the misery.

The onoly reason I know that is because I quit less than two years ago. I started when I was 13 and quit when I was 40. Ihad the same aversion that made quitting during pregnancy easy, but tbh, it was more "cuting way back" than quitting and I always started right back up again after the birth.

I highly, highly recommend quitnet for 24/7 support and wisdom, but please keep in mind that it is funded by nicotine replacement products that DON'T WORK.

Check out Why Quit dot com for more motivation and an explanation of why cold turkey is the easiest (and in my case, the only) way to successfully quit once and for all.

No judgement, just s for doing something very difficult and very worth it and probably the best gift you could ever give your baby. Hang in there; it really does get easier.

Thank you. I really have no idea why I started back up again after nearly 2 years of not smoking. It was so stupid of me. Stressful moment and I figured "why not??" Pfft. Thats why. Cause I have to quit again!

Originally Posted by ksera05

yay for quitting! : and

Thank you!

Originally Posted by nausicaamom

: Yay for four days on the wagon!

I quit during my pregnancy with Michael but started back up 2 months post partum, quit again for two months this winter and was doing the whole two days on and four days off thing when I found out I was pregnant with the bean - in fact it was my husband saying something about the smoking the sparked the crying fit that made me test. It's damn hard to quit - the thing that made it the hardest for me was that it was five minutes that was *just* for me - I couldn't be a wife or a mom for those five minutes. I quit about a week after my BFP and have my cravings but they are getting farter and farther apart.

Way to go momma and thanks so much for having the courage to share!

Yes! Thats exactly it! I felt like it was "me" time. (isn't that silly in retrospect? I mean, its not exactly healthy for me. LOL) Its a part of my life before kids. I thought it was stupid when I read an article before on how smoking becomes like a best friend for women. But its true. Whenever you're upset, angry, want to have a bitchfest with your friends, celebrate, have a moment of calm, time to think, etc... its what you bring with you. It becomes almost a part of your personality. And if you think of it that way, its so easy to see why its hard to quit. You not only have to physical, but the psychological which is so much worse. And for many of us, it feels like we have to leave part of ourselves and our personalities behind.

Cues like the phone ringing, or for others getting into the car. (I was lucky in that aspect as we didn't smoke in the car) My neighbor that calls and asks if I want to go on the porch with her.. and I'm filled with mixed feelings about that one. She is 6 months pregnant and still smokes as much as she was. I told her I quit and its made this odd rift there in the friendship. Who knew smoking or not smoking could do that? *sigh*

Anyway, thanks for all the support mamas. It really made my day. I was expecting to be taken to the slaughterhouse for admitting my very UNmothering bad habit. Fingers crossed I can remain smoke free for the rest of this pregnancy AND for good!!

[flapjack]

It's not cigarettes for me, it's food. I think everyone has a "best friend" (hah)- you know, the girl with the snide putdowns, that always makes you feel less than perfectly dressed, like you just said the wrong thing, dated the wrong bloke, have the wrong job- slightly toxic. Good analogy- though I know that's not how you meant it.
It's a LONG time since I quit (I went cold-turkey with everything at 17, after a boyfriend died in a car accident with far too many drugs in his system) but I'm seconding NOS; cold turkey is easiest and most likely to be successful.

[justmama]

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[glowfaeriejosie]

YAY for quitting!! my DH quit cold turkey last august, so he's quickly coming up on his one year mark. (after quitting and coming back to it several times over the years)

You can do it!

[Mama2-4]

Congratulations on quitting!!! I do not personally know how difficult it is, but my DH is a smoker and I have seen him try several times to quit, and I can see how difficult it is. Great job, you should feel very proud of yourself!!!

[Writerbird]

I quit in 2002 after twelve years of smoking. Not a month goes by that I don't want one, despite the fact that the smell makes me sick ever since my sense of smell came back. I ENJOYED smoking. I loved the accessories, the rituals, the friends I made outside buildings... Also, non-smokers really don't get one key thing - the stuff you're supposed to do to calm down when you're emotional (walk away for ten minutes, take deep breaths) is stuff smokers do as part of their habit. It is TOUGH to learn to do that without smoking. Coping mechanisms are hard to leave behind.

The only thing that kept me honest is that I didn't want to face my husband and admit I'd been backsliding.

You CAN do this, you really can, and no one knows how hard it is but another quitter.

Honestly, the best gift your DH can give you is to quit. Your sense of smell will be back in three weeks, and that reek on him is going to drive you batty. HIS smoking is almost as bad for the baby and your kids than yours.

[mom3b1?]

That's great! I quit many times before it really took for me. Now I don't think I could go back even if I wanted to. The smell is so repulsive to me now. I do remember what it was like to crave them, and for them to smell good. It's a tough addiction to beat, but I believe you can do it!

Hugs!

Kiley

[nolonger]

I don't think it's kicked in yet, but you are not going to believe how good food tastes! I didn'tn gain any weight when I quit, but OMFG, ordinary "blah" foods like canned apricots suddenly tasted like a little slice of heaven and I would have to put down my book and close my eyes and just devote every fibre of my being to enjoying just how wonderful they were.

I didn't start bicycling until after I had quit smoking. Before then--forget it! If it was more than a few blocks away, I had to have my car or I'd be out of breath and gasping and feling like I was about to drop dead.

I'm the exception to the rule in that I don't find fresh cigarette smoke to be that nasty, but I remember about a week into my Quit (think of it as a noun and something precious that you need to protect at all costs) I was in the grocery store and I realized I could tell which people smoked and which didn't just by the smell when I walked past them at a decent, civil distance.

I also quit for four months four years before my final quit, so I feel you on going back; I'd had a very rough day and feel like I "deserved" a few hits off a cigarette. the next thing I knew, my kids were taking FOREVER to go to sleep so i could sneak out to the shed for my nightly cigarette and then the rains came and it was too much trouble so I brought my tobacco and papers and ashtray back inside where they "belonged".

You and I can't have that one puf of a friend's cigarette or that leftover stale bit of tobacco we find and sneak in the shed' we're like alcoholoics or junkies that way. The single puff will have us back to a pack or more a day in the blink of an eye, so it simply ISN'T AN OPTION.

I'm not the perfect MDC mother either by a long shot. None of us are. She is a mosaic and a collage and a combination of many different things that many different mamas strive for (and we all have different priorities) and some of us succeed at parts of the picture.

[NamastePlatypus]

Oh : for you, I know we are all rooting for you!!! You can do it!!

[mommy2abigail]

Nature-
1. Yay! For 4 days of no smoking!
2. No judgement at all
3. I totally understand the whole 'me' thing. I was a wild child before dd, and now I'm a khaki mom, driving a mini-van to play groups and such. Dont get me wrong, I love it, but I still feel like the 'old me' is gone. I never started up again, but a few times a year I would go out with dh and have a drink and a smoke. And it was SOOO good. A few weeks ago, dh took dd for me so I could run some errands and I had such a craving for one, I got a pack and smoked just one. It was so good, I wanted to circle the neighborhood a few more times! Of course dh smelled it on me when I got home and asked me about it, but he wasn't mad. And then I found out I was pregnant. I felt terrible. I have to believe that one wont hurt though. I still crave them though...

[Nature]

:

Your words mean so much to me. Really. Its been a stressful day and that first thought crossed my mind not too long ago. Instead I came here and re-read all your words of encouragement.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me and inspire me to keep it up.

[Isaacs_mom]

GO NATURE !! you can do it !!

[azyre]

You are doing great!!! Keep going!

[Jujubie]

It is so hard! I quit a few days after I got my BFP. For some reason, it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe because this time I don't view it as a choice, more as a responsibility. DH is still trying to quit, but hasn't done it yet. He just doesn't do it around me and doesn't keep there where I can see them.

Congrats to you and believe me you are not alone in this journey either.

[Avarie]

Hubby and I both quit when I got my BFP with Spencer, and we were all fine and dandy until he was about six months old, and I went back to work part-time with smokers. At first it was one or two a day, and never got up past about a half pack a day, but still! We had done so well. So that's what it took for me again this time. I went out to lunch with my dad, had a smoke on the way to Planned Parenthood for the pg test, and didn't have another one after I got the news. I took the rest of my pack into work and left them for one of the other ladies. I haven't had another one since. That was June 13, so it's only been three weeks for me.

It's tough, but it CAN be done!