Does your partner come to all your prenatals? (follow-up ? #52)

[RachelGS]

Just curious. I understand the reasoning behind wanting a partner to be there, but it's not something our family can do. We're short on childcare and DH owns a business 45 miles from where we live, so going to a prenatal would mean at least a half a day out of the office. And honestly, I never felt like I needed him at every prenatal-- just the occasional one so that he could ask any questions that were coming up for him. In birth I gravitate toward other women to help (although it's very important to me to have him nearby), and I feel the same way about prenatal appointments. But most midwives I've talked to (personally and also just conversationally) are uncomfortable with that, even though our family is really quite fine with it. I just wondered what everyone's experiences are.

[Sihaya]

Well, our midwife comes to our home for all of our prenatals, and she comes on Saturdays, so we would be hard pressed to not have DH there. He is very interested in knowing what is going on and I really like having him there. But if you and he are both fine with him not being at every one, I don't see why the midwife would even get a say in it. As long as he's not negative about homebirth (which I would assume since this isn't your first hb) and is still involved in other aspects of the pg as you both desire, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[RedHen4]

Ummm....no.

We are about to have baby #6. I believe he came to baby #1's appointment to hear the heartbeat for the first time, and then he has come to almost all of the ultrasounds (I think he missed one). When I decided to have a homebirth for baby #5, he met one midwife, but not the one I ended up going with. But he's always been there for the births, whether he liked it or now :-)

If you're fine with him not being there, I can't really see that he would need to be. It certainly doesn't bother me, and I can't see why he should juggled work to take time off to see me be measured and hear the heartbeat one more time. As long as I know it's there, that's OK!

[alegna]

Yes. But my midwife does appointments on weekends.

-Angela

[RachelGS]

I should clarify: I'm not pregnant. I just am curious. It's something I've thought about if we choose to go for #3, because it has felt stressful in my other pregnancies.

[twilight girl]

No, in fact the midwife hasn't even met DH yet. I'm sure she's starting to think he's a figment of my imagination! But, my next appt. with her is at my home, so he's already been warned that he MUST be here for that one!

He's made it to two or three, but those were with the OB.

[Funny Face]

He came to a lot dd early appts and all the important ones but towards the end it was too often for him to skip work to come with me every other week and then every week. I was fine with it and so was he. We were delivering with a mw in a hospital though, I think I'd want him at a homebirth/birth center appt more often though just so he can start picking up on that 'birth is natural' vibe Our mw in the hospital didn't have that vibe so...

hth!

[cheeseRjedi]

Yes but he is usually walking around the building with DD.

[ecoteat]

My dh came to every appointment with me. I'm actually surprised to find out here that so many dhs don't! I just assumed that was what everyone did! He does work from home, so we have no issues with him taking off work since he basically just works whenever he wants.

[lyttlewon]

My appointments are at home and he is here most of the time. Sometimes he is doing something else like gabbing on the phone. Other times he just listens from a distance. He says he has no desire to hear all that birthing stuff. Earlier in the pregnancy when I was going to an OB he went to a couple but was a PITA the entire time. Complaining about the wait etc. So in general even though he is at home he doesn't really pay much attention. He doesn't even come out and say hi to the midwife.

[lovethyspirit]

I wish he could but he's working out of town He got to hear the babies heartbeat though when I called him from my last appt.

[sadean]

No, DH didn't come to most of my pre-natals with any of our kids. Probably came to the first few with dc#1 and #2, but came to none with dc#3 (it was primarily UP and UC, with 4 appointments with my GP, so there wasn't really appointments for him to attend...long story).

He came to my ultrasound with dc#1 and #2, but did not come to dc#3.

[~Kristina~]

In the beginning no, unless it was my u/s to termine viability. But we just switched to a midwife that comes to our house on Saturday's so we're all involved!

[AngelaB]

My dh came to the births but never attended the prenals. He met my docs and then the mw when I was in labor. I dont feel like I need support from him at the apptmnts just that he has to watch the kiddies when I go.
He knows I research and network and ask questions so he is confident in my choices of care providers. He would distract me at an appointment.

This time we are planning a home birth and he will hopefully be here for the birth but I really need him afterwards to help watcch the older children while I rest and heal.
Angela

[BlueStateMama]

Duh - I responded to this without looking which forum I was in....nothing to see here

[cal195]

Yes, my dh came to every single prenatal for #1. Oh, except one, when he was out of town. Now that I'm pg with #2, he's come to the first appointment (which was 3.5 hours long, since it was our first time talking with the homebirth midwife, and I had a list of questions 3.5 pages long, no joke). He plans on coming to all the others that he can make it to. He works at home, so he can make up the time later. Dd will probably come to a bunch of them too, since our midwife likes to see the older kids and makes them part of it--they can feel the baby, listen to the heartbeat, etc. Very cool.

Catherine

[hubris]

I don't expect him to come to regular prenatal appointments.

With #1, he did come to more than 50% of my prenatals, but ONLY because he worked across the street from the OB office, and he was able to do that. It was nice with our first child, but I have never really felt any need for him to come to prenatal visits since then.

With #2, he worked in a different town from where my prenatal appts were. I had 2 ultrasounds and he did take time off work for those. (I wanted him to and he wanted to do it)

With #3, he has one afternoon a week off. I plan appointments for those days so that he can watch our two older kids while I go to see my midwife. I had one u/s and he and my oldest son came to that.



Edited to add that I'm seeing a homebirth midwife this time and honestly, I cherish having that time with just me and the midwife. It's sortof like therapy or a massage or something else *just for me*.

[Shell_Ell]

Nope. DH came for the first few appts with our first pregnancy and really had no interest. For our second, he didn't come to any of my appts. He came to the ultrasound, and he met my midwife a few times through other things. And of course was there at our home visit.

I felt like I needed that time with her, by myself. So it made sense for our son to be at home with Daddy so that I could talk things out the way I needed to. My first birth was pretty traumatic, so we had a lot to talk out. I felt like I needed to do it alone. DH was fine with that, in fact I think he was relieved. It worked out wonderfully for us. And off topic a bit, but DH was able to be a big support for me in labor because we had such great support in our midwife, her assts, and our doula. It ended it being him that I turned to. So for us, it didn't really matter that he wasn't a part of the prenatal stuff. He felt supported, too.

Originally Posted by hubris

I'm seeing a homebirth midwife this time and honestly, I cherish having that time with just me and the midwife. It's sortof like therapy or a massage or something else *just for me*.

I felt the same way.

[prancie]

My DH has been to one of my prenatals. He travels a lot, but even so I don't think he would come more than once or twice. Besides, it's kinda like girl time with the midwife and assistants.

[cristeen]

Nope. The only visit my DH went to was my 11 week U/S.

With our next pregnancy though he will be present for the 20 week U/S. And depending on how I'm feeling I may drag him to all the other appts as well.

The midwives I interviewed expressed "concern" at not meeting DH at the interview and indicated that he would need to be present for at least 1 or 2 prenatals so that they could all meet each other prior to delivery. But other than that they didn't really care.