dad is no longer involved

[guestmama9916]

Honestly, I just didn't see this coming. I thought stbx would always be a part of our child's life. The way stbx talked the first few months, he was ready to step up to the plate and be there for our little one. He took our child out several times a week and did a few overnights too. Now all the sudden that's over with. He's decided to leave it all to me. I don't understand how a seemingly loving father can just walk away like that. I did all the caretaking when we were together so I think perhaps its been a shock to him to have to do it all on his own when he has DC. Perhaps he's just enjoying his single life now and doesn't want the burden? I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. If he had been an awesome father and husband in the first place I would have never left. Its just a sad day for me and my baby.

[ebony]

I know how you feel. Two and a half years ago, my son's dad pretty much decided that he didn't want to be a father anymore, after being a pretty great dad for 7 1/2 years. He quit his great job and does not financially or emotionally support his child. This year, he has probably called my son about 3-4 times, and has seen him maybe twice.: My son is 10 and is at the age where he pretty much knows his father is not really in his life anymore. It makes him very sad from time to time but, for the most part, he is adjusting quite well. I keep him busy with activities and I'm trying to find a male role model for him. I really only have one male friend and he really can't fulfill that role. It's really quite sad but it's his father who is missing out on this wonderful child, and the way his father has been, I think it's in my son's best interests to have as little contact as possible with him.

[singin'intherain]

Did he say anything about why he's not taking her out anymore? How long was he playing good daddy? It seems like a lot of men don't have the maturity to focus on a child over the long run. This has to be the worst way to fail as a father, though- to show lots of interest for a while and then just drop out. I think that's hard on a kid in the long run, especially when they get old enough to really figure out what happened. :

Even though he's doing that to her, though, it's of course not her fault and has nothing to do with her- there must be some way to make sure she understands.

[Oceanjones]

I honestly have to wonder where they get their ideas from sometimes.

My dd's father had nothing to with her for the first couple years of her life and then when she was 3 all of a sudden took me to court for visitation mainly because he was mad about paying support (even though that only lasted about 2 months) He got the standard alternate weekens, had her about 6 times and then blew it off.

My daughter had to learn for herself what he was like. He ignored her when she saw him and wouldn't even say hello or wave when he drove by and she was outside. She called him Uncle Dad for awhile and now just calls him Jim.

It's sad but he showed his true colors. There nothing we can really do except love our kids and make sure they know it's dad's loss and not their fault.

[guestmama9916]

Originally Posted by singin'intherain

Did he say anything about why he's not taking her out anymore? How long was he playing good daddy?

He doesn't like the fact that I get to do whatever I want to when he has DC. He thinks I should just sit home and be sad I suppose. I've had to lie about what I did or where I was just to keep him from blowing up in front of DC. He wants to still control me so this is his way of trying to do that. He's been playing good daddy for 2 months but now it seems he prefers going out with single buddies over being a good daddy.

Even though he's doing that to her, though, it's of course not her fault and has nothing to do with her- there must be some way to make sure she understands.

Very good point. I've been telling DC this since the start to make sure she doesn't think its her fault that we split. I will continue to try to get this message across about this as well.

[ebony]

Originally Posted by saving_grace

He doesn't like the fact that I get to do whatever I want to when he has DC. He thinks I should just sit home and be sad I suppose. I've had to lie about what I did or where I was just to keep him from blowing up in front of DC. He wants to still control me so this is his way of trying to do that. He's been playing good daddy for 2 months but now it seems he prefers going out with single buddies over being a good daddy.

Ah! If he still wants you this makes a lot of sense. My ex did this, too. Was amazing and then once he realized I was never coming back, he started acting out and he had custody at the time. He spanked my son and just started doing things that he knew I was opposed to just to get back at me. Believe me, it's best that babe is with you if he's going to start acting out.

[singin'intherain]

Originally Posted by ebony

Ah! If he still wants you this makes a lot of sense. My ex did this, too. Was amazing and then once he realized I was never coming back, he started acting out and he had custody at the time. He spanked my son and just started doing things that he knew I was opposed to just to get back at me. Believe me, it's best that babe is with you if he's going to start acting out.

Yikes!

[<~*MamaRose*~>]

your X is a complete arse and I agree with the pp's! I too had an X that thought that all I wanted him to have visits for was so that I could go bar hopping...ummm whatever!