STBX wants us to have dinner for our "anniversary"

[minkajane]

Next Friday is our fifth (and final) wedding anniversary. I was talking to STBX online about DS the other day and he asked me if I would go to lunch or dinner with him that day. I said I didn't think it was a good idea. He's been somewhat nicer and more cooperative with me lately and I'm wondering if he wants to get back together. I do NOT want to get back with him. At all.

How would you handle this?

[Metta&Karuna]

I think you can be very straightforward about it, letting him know that that would not be a good fit for you, and not be concerned either wtih his motives for asking, or his reactions to your turning him down. I think this is all part of moving on in your separate ways.

[Oceanjones]

I'd go just to keep the peace and good vibes flowin'.
Maybe propose a toast to friendship?

[Jster]

I wouldn't go. I'm glad I actually forgot my "old" anniversary date this year...was so refreshing to wake up a few days later and think about how I didn't even think about it!

If you are sure you don't want to get back together, stick to the distance that you now have...friendly, cooperative, nice, but not pushing boundaries. Maybe try to say "no" in a nice way, such as, thanks for remembering, I appreciate you being positive about the good things that came from our marriage, but I wouldn't feel it was beneficial to meet on our old anniversary.

Good luck!

[Ruthla]

I'd ask him to clarify what he expects from this dinner. Is he hoping for one last romantic evening to say goodbye? Is he hoping to reconcile? Or does he want a friendly evening to say goodbye to the marriage and enter into a friendship with you?

If you don't think he can handle making it all about friendship, or you feel too vulnerable to do so, then the anniversary dinner is a bad idea. If you can make it as un-romantic as possible, and do it in a friendly way (maybe include DC at the dinner?) then it could be a good way to get things moving in the right direction.

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by Oceanjones

I'd go just to keep the peace and good vibes flowin'.
Maybe propose a toast to friendship?

I like your idea. I am all about keeping the peace, but I would make my intentions clear by doing your toast to friendship and parenting together.

[WatermelonSnow]

In the interest of keeping the peace you could agree to a meal - on a different day. That way you aren't turning him down outright, but you can meet on a date that is less charged.

[izandleo]

Originally Posted by WatermelonSnow

In the interest of keeping the peace you could agree to a meal - on a different day. That way you aren't turning him down outright, but you can meet on a date that is less charged.

I think that would be the best way to go about it. It seems a bit odd to have dinner with him on your wedding anniversary...seems to imply something more than friendship. I think a suggestion for a meal on a different day would be great....by the way, a lunch meeting, IMO, sets the stage for friendship more so than a dinner meeting. There is just something about dinner that suggests intimacy for some people. I don't know if your STBX would view it that way, but lunch just sounds more like "we're friends and we're keeping the peace for our kids, but we are no longer romantically involved." KWIM?