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What the @#$% is wrong with me?

post #1 of 138
Thread Starter 
Tongiht, when I was in the bathroom switching the laundry, I heard the kids yelling. I come out and find DS bothering DD2, hitting random keys on the keyboard when she was on IM.

I totally lost control, and started yelling at DS and hitting him. : Repeatedly, until he stopped bothering her. I'm not even sure if he was hurting her or not (well, he started hitting her after I lost control) but he was certainly in her personal space.

Why am I so damn irritable lately? Why do I keep on taking sides in their sibling rivalries? Specifically, why do I keep on taking HER side? I mean, when he's being rough or violent with her, I do need to intervene, but not by escalating the situation!

I'm just feeling tired and wiped out right now- and it's hard to be snuggly with him when he starts being mean on purpose and smiling when he hurts somebody. I feel like I haven't been getting enough personal space, like DD2 is taking advantage of me in terms of housework/chores, and in general I just feel like I'm barely holding myself together.

Today I had an extremely stressful morning- physically hard since I had to fast until after 11 AM for a medical test, and emotionally stressful since I got lost and couldn't have the test anyway and I'm broke and my ex owes me money and a "friend" owes me money and I just found out that this "friend"'s DD goes to the same camp as DD1 and I'll have to see her on Sunday.

It's just a whole lot of stressful stuff that has NOTHING to do with DS but is severly limiting my patience with him. I'm so sick of his constant chattering! And his normal talking voice seems to hurt my ears and trigger headaches.

I sooo wish I had my own room and I could go to bed without having to interact with him.
post #2 of 138
no advice really, just totally understand the no personal space thing and the CONSTANT talk talk talk..enough to make you crazy..

how is everyone doin now?
more s:
post #3 of 138
I'm so sorry... I get the same way when I don't get enough time to myself and my DS is being annoying, too. And I seriously understand the need for silence!
post #4 of 138
I think 5 yo's can be like that sometimes...Sorry about your stressful day! Do you drink wine?
post #5 of 138
I'm so sorry it's been so hard. I think we can all relate to the overload at times.

You said you were wondering why his stuff and their sibling rivalry triggers you...do you think it's triggering old stuff for you? I often find that when my reactions are really overdetermined for the given situation, it's probably about something else. And parenting and sibling issues can really bring that old stuff out.

Hang in there...it'll get better. Sounds like a rough patch. And I second the wine suggestion if you drink!
post #6 of 138
I don't really have any advice, just wanted to commiserate

I have been having a difficult time being patient with my 7yr old dd lately. I find myself irritated with her most of the time. Personal space is crucial to me too, and with 3 kiddos, it's in short supply.

I hope you feel better soon, and I agree with pp's, that sometimes a glass of wine is in order

post #7 of 138
I'm so sorry. I really recommend reading "Siblings Without Rivalry" to help you gain some perspective. As a mom of a very intense 5 y/o boy, I totally understand how you feel. Reading that book helped me back up a bit and put things in perspective.
post #8 of 138
Could you be pregnant? Seriously, when I got pregnant with this one. I couldn't believe who irritiable I got - I felt like I wasn't even myself. I found out about homeopathic Sepia that really helped me get it together (though I don't know if it is kosher to take it). DD is still alot for me to handle while pregnant - she's so noisey at this age! My MIL has been saving my life by taking her for a few days at a time, so I can rest and recharge. Is there anyway you can just get a break from DS? I hope you feel better soon!
post #9 of 138
It's the weather. I almost wrote a post with the same sentiment, involving a child, a dog, and yanking the kid away from the dog and just yelling at him for a few minutes before I could calm down. It was the final straw in a long afternoon, which also had such gems as tying his shorts' string to another customer's cart and circling his monster truck in the road (a no-no) while dad was trying to get home from work. Ugh.

Stress can do funny things to you, and the things tend to go way out of proportion. The saving grace, though, is a mistake isn't forever. There's always something you can do to help lessen it.
post #10 of 138
Originally Posted by mommy2abigail View Post
I think 5 yo's can be like that sometimes...Sorry about your stressful day! Do you drink wine?

If she doesnt I think she needs to start
post #11 of 138
Been where you are. There are days I wanna tape DS1's mouth shut, tie DS2's hands behind his back and Get a taxi service for the 16 year old DD. I want a maid, a cook, and an on call bartender. lol. We all freak out now and then, become over stressed and when your bucket is full its hard for it not to tip mama. Sleep on the couch tonight, after a long hot bath, and a bottle of wine, with some chocolate of course.
post #12 of 138
Please read Unconditional Parenting ASAP.

And hitting him doesn't teach him not to hit. Obviously. Is that a memory you want him to have of you?
post #13 of 138
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by 2bluefish View Post
Could you be pregnant?
This just had me cracking up. I haven't had sex in at least a year.

Wine doesn't really relax me- it makes me sleepy, and I get even more irritable when I'm overtired. It also lowers my inhibitions- which I can't imagine would be a good thing when I'm already having trouble controlling my temper. It's also not a good idea for me to drink with my liver problems- the medical test I missed yesterday (and still need to reschedual) was a liver/gallbladder ultrasound.

Last night I managed to calm down enough to snuggle with him a few minutes before bed, but not for as long as he normally likes to snuggle. I also didn't stay in the room with him until he fell asleep- I stayed with him for about 10 minutes and then left. Then I curled up on the couch with a good book, and whenever DD2 tried to talk to me I told her to leave me alone; that I just needed some kid-free time even if she was in the room with me, I didn't have the patience to interact with anybody.
post #14 of 138
BTDT - I always hate myself when I take out frustration for other things on my kids - but we ARE human. But it's always a wake-up call to me to take some time to myself. Baths are great - once the kids are asleep. After that relaxation, you can go watch them sleep and think about how cute they are when they're asleep!!!

By the way, if it's sibling issues you're struggling with, I LOVE "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me" (can't remember by who - but definitely GD).

But the best reading you could do now might be some bodice-bearing novel found at a local drugstore that you don't mind dropping in the aforementioned bath!!!!!

Hugs mama!!!
post #15 of 138
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
This just had me cracking up. I haven't had sex in at least a year.
Oh, yeah, oops, I forgot your whole life situation - too late at night for me I guess! I bet alone time will help - you probably aren't getting much of that?
post #16 of 138

When you are already stressed about Life in general...everything else is just *amplified* KWIM?

If I am stressing over something that could have an immediate negative impact on our family, I need to THINK...to PROCESS it...to PLAN my next step and if DS is just chattering away and invading my much-needed-personal-space...well, I snap too.

And yes you DO feel bad about it because you are human.

You have got to get some Me Time.
post #17 of 138
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by mom22girls View Post
Baths are great - once the kids are asleep.
Now, both kids being asleep at the same time never happens at my house- unless it's the middle of the night and I'm also asleep.

DD has been staying up past midnight lately- and as late as 2 or 3 if I'm not up with her making sure she gets to bed (like if I go to sleep with DS.) DS has been waking up around 9 AM.

Most days, I'm up with DD until I go to bed, and up with DS as soon as I wake up. Child-free time simply does not exist!!!
post #18 of 138
I know it is so hard when you NEED me time and there isn't really much of a way to get it.

I've been in tough spots and really lost it with my kids. I've been fortunate enough to have never hit them, but I did walk out in the front yard in my socks in the dead of winter and left the two of them crying in the house (ages 1 and 5). My 1 yr old was so upset he puked all over himself. So I know about having those moments you regret, and also about those awful feelings of just wanting to get AWAY from your kids.

I hope things get better for you. I've been lucky, homeopathy has been helping me.


post #19 of 138
Hi Ruthla,

Just wanted to offer you my support. I am having a hard time with one child and can't imagine dealing with sibling rivalries, so my hat goes out to you.
post #20 of 138
for you, I have been in this position more times than I'd like to admit. And I've read Unconditional Parenting. And I bought Siblings without Rivalry and read most of it too. I've also started reading "Mother Nurture" by Rick Hanson et al. On page 81 (in the section on self-forgiveness) they outline it like this:

(please don't get scared away by the word 'incompetence' - it just means we all recognize that our overreactions are inappropriate)

"Stage 1: Unconcious Incompetence: You're not aware of the problem

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence: You realize you shouldn't be doing it, but
you can't stop yourself. This is by far the most unconfortable stage.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence: The inclination to snap harshly still arises within your mind, but you catch it and do something different, like take a deep breath and speak more calmly.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence: The tendency doesn't even arise. Sometimes it's even hard to remember that you used to act in a different way"

I'm guessing you're stuck at #2, trying to get to #3. That's about where I am. Things I am trying to remember to do are like couting in my head or deep breathing, or stepping back to view the situation from a distance. Once I pretended my kids were actually someone's kids on mdc, and I was reading a thread about the behaviour rather than seeing it firsthand from my own kids. I was much nicer in my response. I've also done some meditating and have discovered some interesting things about myself and why I react.
It's hard to remember to stop before reacting. I've actually got a reward chart for myself, of sorts. It's just a tally sheet to count the number of positive interactions I foster with my kids. Being nice to my kids in intrinsically motivating, but keeping track of it has helped me stop and think before acting.

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