Originally Posted by Ruthla
I totally lost control, and started yelling at DS and hitting him.
: Repeatedly, until he stopped bothering her.
It sure sounds as if you're exceedingly drained on all fronts, but may I very gently tell you that you need to get help. ASAP.
If you're not seeing a counselor then you probably need to start and if you already are seeing someone then you need to get additional therapy like anger management counseling. You have
to find a way to get time away from the kids ASAP
so that you don't take your frustrations out on DS again.
You were very out of control and hitting your child
and from your description it sounds to me like you had a hard time stopping.
The fact that you continue to separate/alienate from your DS after the incident makes me think that the problem continues and the likelihood of you behaving that way again in the near future is high. You hit your son and then:
|Last night I managed to calm down enough to snuggle with him a few minutes before bed, but not for as long as he normally likes to snuggle. I also didn't stay in the room with him until he fell asleep- I stayed with him for about 10 minutes and then left.
Even after losing control and hitting him you still felt angry with him. That's concerning, imho.
Here it almost sounds as if you're justifying your behavior:
|I'm just feeling tired and wiped out right now- and it's hard to be snuggly with him when he starts being mean on purpose and smiling when he hurts somebody. I feel like I haven't been getting enough personal space, like DD2 is taking advantage of me in terms of housework/chores, and in general I just feel like I'm barely holding myself together.
Today I had an extremely stressful morning- physically hard since I had to fast until after 11 AM for a medical test, and emotionally stressful since I got lost and couldn't have the test anyway and I'm broke and my ex owes me money and a "friend" owes me money and I just found out that this "friend"'s DD goes to the same camp as DD1 and I'll have to see her on Sunday.
It's just a whole lot of stressful stuff that has NOTHING to do with DS but is severly limiting my patience with him. I'm so sick of his constant chattering! And his normal talking voice seems to hurt my ears and trigger headaches.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world but hitting your DS is not a way to deal with it. I understand that he was irritating you greatly and you were losing your patience but that's still no excuse...that's exactly the time when people hit their kids- when they're irritated, mad and losing it, not when they're happy and relaxed.
You need more than a "glass of wine" or to "take a hot bath" to deal with this. This is beyond being "drained". A great many people that post here are drained, all the time or much of the time, but they don't hit their kids, no matter how highly irritatingly the dc's are behaving and how drained the moms and dads are.
Your post would worry me less if you had a plan to deal with your irritation at DS or if you seemed to actually be
less irritated at him after the incident, but he's still getting on your last nerve, so the problem with him remains and so do all the other problems listed in your post. And I doubt DS has changed in the last day, so he will be as irritating in his behavior to you tomorrow as he was today. So that all seems like a recipe for another occurance unless you change something inside yourself in some way- i.e., counseling.
I guess you know all this already, I'm just trying to make sure that you see the reality of the situation....because sometimes when we're stressed and irritated our minds can distort things in an unreal way and minimize a situation. This should be a major wake up call to you that something big has to change
. Utilizing this icon --->
: doesn't accurately represent the way you should be dealing with this.
Honestly, I can't believe that I'm the only person in this thread to address this aspect of the issue. This whole thread is upsetting. Please do whatever you have to to get a break from the kids somehow tomorrow and please seek help.