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Bi-parents?

post #1 of 142
7/6/07 at 5:59am
Thread Starter 
Married, with a significant other, single? Are you out there? I just imagine that there's some bi-mamas/-dadas out there. Pride comes and goes each June, yet being a married (to the opposite sex and) bi, I feel left out. My lesbian friends tell me its a phase or that I'm just naturally a cheater. I just don't feel comfortable telling anyone who's straight my true feelings.

Anyone else out there?

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post #2 of 142
7/6/07 at 8:31am
hello! just wanted to pipe in and say dh and i are both bi, though both of us have little experience with same-sex relationships (we're both a bit too busy to explore much at present). so, anyway, yeah -- we're out here lurking in the shadows ...
post #3 of 142
7/6/07 at 9:28am


Hello there
post #4 of 142
7/6/07 at 12:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by josephine_e View Post
hello! just wanted to pipe in and say dh and i are both bi, though both of us have little experience with same-sex relationships (we're both a bit too busy to explore much at present). so, anyway, yeah -- we're out here lurking in the shadows ...


:
Since becoming a wife and mom....the part of my life has pretty much come to a hault but I think about it on a daily basis!! :
post #5 of 142
7/7/07 at 3:42am
Thread Starter 
Howdy de-lurkers et al.

I have to say that while having kids has stalled things, I'm a late blooming bi. My dh and I have known each other for 17 years now and went through quite a many a trial before we finally married and settled into family life. He had asked me many a time about a relationship I had with a close friend growing up. I had never thought of it, but others had (I later learned) pretty thought that I was in a lesbian relationship with my closest friend during our junior year of high school. : This explained why people were so shocked when I started dating dh.

Anyway, I wasn't accepting of myself until 5 years ago. Then dd was conceived, so I wasn't really in a position to really explore this new facet of myself. I have very little knowledge of what it's like to be with other women, but I do know that I am bisexual and dh has always been accepting and aware of that fact.

I guess I'm just at a point where it's really hard to speak to others IRL about it, as my small circle of bi and accepting lesbian friends IRL have moved to other states and now I have to start making new friends (difficult for me). I know I'm not alone, but it's sometime hard to find others, y/k?
post #6 of 142
7/7/07 at 9:26am
I am a bi soon-to-be mom. It is a little different for me than those of you who have already posted because I am married to a women. People automatically think I am a lesbian through-and-through which upsets me sometimes. I HATE being put in a box. I was out with my two brother-in-laws a couple of weeks ago and just made a joke about being bi. They were both like, "You can't say you are bi now that you are married to a woman!" I was shocked because one of them is gay himself. I didn't even know how to respond. Does that mean when someone who is heterosexual gets married they become asexual?!?

When raising my children I plan on being open about both sides of my sexuality. I have had long term meaning relationships with both men and women and want my children to understand that sexuality is fliud like that. I married my wife because our energy fits together. We bring out the best in each other and make an awesome team. To me, the inner person is more important than your external sexual organs.

Sorry about the rant. This is a topic that can strike a nerve with me.
post #7 of 142
7/7/07 at 9:41am
I'm bi, married to a man, but no kids yet. I feel left out at pride too, posted to that effect recently for that matter. I find it very frustrating.
post #8 of 142
7/7/07 at 10:48am
i am bi - partnered to a married couple, female is also bi...

we have a too-small house, lots of kids, work, school, and life...lol

peace...
post #9 of 142
7/7/07 at 12:30pm

heya

i'm sure the neighbors would never guess; we look pretty nuclear on the surface...i try to remember to not get caught up in the heteronormative privileges that get thrust at me, but it happens.
post #10 of 142
7/7/07 at 7:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dealic View Post
I'm bi, married to a man, but no kids yet.
I'm in the same boat as dealic. I married a man last year (much to my surprise when I met him while looking for a g/f). I have no kids, but DH just fathered a child to our friends (a lesbian couple). I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to be pregnant, myself. We plan to raise all the children in our new "unique" family.

Are there any other mother’s out there with a similar situation?

~Angel
post #11 of 142
7/7/07 at 7:31pm
i'm bisexual, but i'm engaged to the opposite sex and very happy with him. Ive had both men/women relationships. You aren't alone.
post #12 of 142
7/7/07 at 7:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by astar326 View Post
I have no kids, but DH just fathered a child to our friends (a lesbian couple). ....... We plan to raise all the children in our new "unique" family.
that is so cool!!!

peace...
post #13 of 142
7/7/07 at 9:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by astar326 View Post
I'm in the same boat as dealic. I married a man last year (much to my surprise when I met him while looking for a g/f).
Well I knew Shawn from highschool, but our dating came as a shock to me, as I was very much looking for a girlfriend at the time. Sadly, I have never managed to get a girlfriend, despite lots of trying . Oh well. Luckily, we aren't strictly monogamous, so there is still hope. Our efforts in that department have yet to come to fruition, but maybe one day....
post #14 of 142
7/7/07 at 9:51pm
We're both bi and while I hate the word genderqueer (long story) I guess it describes us to some extent as well. So, we're weird. Hi!
post #15 of 142
7/8/07 at 12:12am
OK, I was trying to respond to this last night, but partner/wife called and was on her way home from work, and baby was crying, etc...

So, Just wanted to say HI! I am also bi. I have two partners, Margaret (the posted above) and T (male - whom I am legally married). The three of us live together and we are all equal in this relationship. T & I have been together for almost 18 years, Margaret joined our relationship almost 4 years ago...

T is very supportive, but isn't into going to pride. This year I took the kids, Margaret had to work, but previous occasions, Margaret & I have gone together with the kids. I don't feel out of place, but at the same time, I am sure that we are looked at just as a lesbian couple. Either way, we enjoy going.

And really, it's not cheating if he knows about it!
post #16 of 142
7/8/07 at 12:18am
I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby" :
post #17 of 142
7/8/07 at 1:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheilajolene View Post
I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby" :
wow...arent you glad you know that now? that would suck if you went your whole life confused...thought you were bi when you were not...hmm.... :

some people...

peace...
post #18 of 142
7/8/07 at 1:29am
De-lurking on this front. I'm bi. Always have been, always will be. Just the way I am. I'm also married to a dp of the opposite gender and we have the stereotypical house in the burbs, two kids, three cats, and one aging car. It is what it is. I love my life. I was crushing hardcore on a girl before starting to date dp, but she didn't stick, and to my surprise, he did. Now I can't imagine my life without him. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm bi, but I'm also monogamous by nature, so I guess you could call me a super secret ninja stealth bi girl. Who's not very quiet about the fact.
post #19 of 142
7/8/07 at 1:49am
Yup! Dh and I too. Both bi, both poly. Have been for a long, long time. Presently he has another partner and I do not, but I just haven't been particularly interested lately, I have to say. His present girlfriend was both of our girlfriend for a couple of years, but it was not working well for she and I to date so she and I are now just good friends. But... we did meet a lovely couple relatively recently and are hoping that will go somewhere. And I was sorely tempted at a gathering we were at recently to start hitting on a very nice fella. But it was the last night of the gathering, I don't feel sexy at 5 months pregnant (don't ask me why, I did last time, but this time, I don't), and life was just so darn busy. Next year though, if he's back... : Basically I seem to be on a 2-3 year cycle or so where the only people who turn my heads are male, then only female, etc.
post #20 of 142
7/8/07 at 3:29am
Hi all -

Another bi momma here whose DP is a woman and we have a one-year-old son. I've known myself as being attracted to the person, rather than the "equipment" since I was about 14 years old, and have only wanted to be in a relationship with one person at a time so far in my life. I was very out as a bi woman for a long time, and still will say so when people assume I'm a lesbian ... but I really prefer to ID as "queer" rather than bi (and actually my "lesbian" partner prefers to call herself queer, too).

I don't really like how the word "bi" re-enforces the socially prescribed binary gender system, and I really try my best to be a trans ally. Plus, being queer is what feels right to me now, though I'll still say bi if that is what i think will make the point I need to make in a given situtation (e.g. making sure the person knows I am attracted to more than ONE gender, and/or if I am in a situation where using the word "queer" will not be understood in the positive way that I intend it). On a side note - I find it funny that my and DP's gender expression are much *more* different, even tho we both ID as women & female, whereas my (male) former partner and I dressed & expressed our gender in much more similar ways even though we were different genders. I love that gender and sexuality is such a fun, messy, complicated, sacred thing!

I'm glad to see such a diverse representation of bi-ness here ... people like to assume so many things of bi folks and the reality is - like every identity or community - we are quite a wonderfully varied bunch!

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