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Bi-parents? - Page 6

post #101 of 142
Thread Starter 
That's interesting, because I try to make it a point to the kids as well as grownups around them that the kids have the right to either partner. For instance, my mom might say, "oh one day, ds will be a lady killer!" So I'll try to add (especially if he's present), "Or he might have a great boyfriend..."

I don't want them growing up thinking that there's only the hetro way to finding a mate. It might be where their heart lies, but I don't want them to grow up thinking that's the "correct" or "only" way.
post #102 of 142
I agree with Heket; I also try to make a point of affirming DD's right to freedom of sexuality (when she's older).
Though since she's seen be both with her dad and women, its probably quite normal for her, and we have a constant dialogue running about how everyone does things differently, in the way they want to, in any subject, not just sexuality.

For that I really like the Dr.Seuss Butter Battle Book.
post #103 of 142
This is difficult in my house. My DH doesn't like to talk about my bisexuality, it borders on a taboo subject. He can't understand that my sexuality doesn't change just because I've married a man... and I think on some level he thinks I want our kids to be gay/bi/whatever. So the talk around here is about 'when they get married' and 'when you kiss girls' and all that. It's frustrating, but as they get older they will know about their freaky mama and it will open up some discussion. My oldest asks a lot of really in depth questions about whatever topic in which he's interested at the given moment so I anticipate some great discussions within the next couple of years. I'm sort of banking on it, I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
I agree with Heket; I also try to make a point of affirming DD's right to freedom of sexuality (when she's older).
Though since she's seen be both with her dad and women, its probably quite normal for her, and we have a constant dialogue running about how everyone does things differently, in the way they want to, in any subject, not just sexuality.

For that I really like the Dr.Seuss Butter Battle Book.
post #104 of 142
I did once say to my GF "Of course I will fully support her [DD] in whatever she wants to do in her life." to which she replied, "Even if she wants to be hetero?"
post #105 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by frog View Post
I've been reading along and hope you don't mind me butting in, but, honestly, gays and lesbians don't have community. Depending on where you live, there's probably some political activity around lgbt rights, but a community? Not unless you construct one.
I'm in the Bay Area of Cali. Tons of L/G community here. Whole communities that are plotted out (literally) to attract g/l home buyers. But also the FEELING of community, not just where you hang your flag.

Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
For that I really like the Dr.Seuss Butter Battle Book.
YES YES YES!!! I love this book and use it with the boys. There are a few Dr. Seuss books that make a lot of sense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by heket View Post
That's interesting, because I try to make it a point to the kids as well as grownups around them that the kids have the right to either partner. For instance, my mom might say, "oh one day, ds will be a lady killer!" So I'll try to add (especially if he's present), "Or he might have a great boyfriend..."

I don't want them growing up thinking that there's only the hetro way to finding a mate. It might be where their heart lies, but I don't want them to grow up thinking that's the "correct" or "only" way.
Same here. I work on this a lot. And so far it's a lot of work and perseverence. But it will be worth it ... even if only for THEIR children or grandchildren should one of them be GLBT, then my boys will be supportive and knowledgeable.
post #106 of 142
Hi all, de-lurking to introduce myself. I have never labelled myself before, but have always had a thing for girls. I am married to a man that I love, and we have a daughter. I have never had a sexual relationship with a woman. The women that have been interested in me were never my type. : I would consider myself bi. DH and I have just recently really talked about my feelings towards women/our marriage. At some point, I would like to be able to explore my feelings more while still married. I have become good friends with another bi (woman) married to a male, so it's so nice to be able to have someone to talk to.

Nice to know there are a group of us here.
post #107 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
just to throw something light hearted in...

Y'know what I love about the internet...
That there exists a place where I can hang out with other women who are bi/lesbian oriented mothers who live with AP and NFL stuff.
I mean honestly, how many of you would be able to walk down the street and find someone else who is a freak like you?? and how on earth would we have found each other 10 years ago?
:
Somehow this just struck me as funny. I ran into dh, another bi, pretty much walking down the street in our college town 10 years ago. And neither of us were out then! And... a very nice woman from my API group showed up at a queer poly group I sometimes go to. And my best friend came out to me and I to her as bi/poly when our dd's were very little at a play date. Then again, I live in NYC, so there are probably more people here in general, so it's more statistically likely I suppose. But I also just think sometimes we attract each other by being more out of the box than usual...
post #108 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by dealic View Post
But I did run into some problems there too (not impossible to solve ones, but not solved as of yet). First of all, I found them online and can't find anything locally in my very conservative town. And in the past when I did (in another city) they were all pagan, and we are not. Second of all, they seemed very hostile to both newcomers to the poly community,not wanting to talk to people who haven't actually been poly, and a lot of hostility to the people who weren't forerunners in the community. Just like we all get told we are bi because its cool and attractive for girls to be bi, they were saying that people were becoming poly to try to seem cool. They were also hostile to the kind of poly relationship we would want (a triad), ranting about how its unfair to require someone to date your partner in order to date you. So I am still trying to find the love in that group.
I've run into this too, and while poly groups change over time, there are sometimes a number of (in my experience, anyway) usually older straight men who are unhappy about the fact that some women are not interested in them and it comes out in this weird "poly-er than thou" and "how unfair!" attitudes. I started simply telling men that I wasn't attracted to them personally and that tends to stop it right there unless they're truly obnoxious.

There is a bad stereotype of couples looking for a secondary female to date them both, though, because many people start out that way and don't really know what they're doing, and feelings get hurt all around. Not fair, really, but it's common for women solicited for this type of relationship to be wary around it. The only thing I think you can do about it is consider finding a woman who is already a friend or who already has a steady partner or two. That seems to often keep over-the-top craziness from ensuing from what I've seen.
post #109 of 142
yeah, I find it so annoying, there are some people who assume just because you're poly, it means that you'll sleep with anyone and everyone (including them) :
post #110 of 142
Ha! I was just thinking about that today actually. A few weeks ago I ran into this guy I used to work with. I actually worked with him AND his girlfriend. When they found out I was bi he invited me over (I was 15, he was what.. 21? She was 19?) and gave me wine coolers. She stared at me nervously all night and I drank my wine cooler thinking, "What the heck is going on???" After an hour or so he says, "So are we going to get started?" I was clueless about what he meant- I had a boyfriend, they knew that - apparently they'd discussed having sex with me and had invited me over for that purpose but never bothered to tell me. Apparently they assumed I'd just want to?
post #111 of 142
I personally don't want another man in my life, really. Most of the time I think that, anyway I'm happy with hubby and don't really feel the need for any more of those types So a woman is it. It's too bad it's so frowned on. I can see WHY, but it's still too bad. Makes it all that much harder.
post #112 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaRae View Post
I personally don't want another man in my life, really. Most of the time I think that, anyway I'm happy with hubby and don't really feel the need for any more of those types So a woman is it. It's too bad it's so frowned on. I can see WHY, but it's still too bad. Makes it all that much harder.

I am the same way. I dont have any desire for another man either. I just feel like part of me is empty because I can't explore a huge part of myself...which is my interest in other woman. Its really getting to me lately.
post #113 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhendi View Post
I am the same way. I dont have any desire for another man either. I just feel like part of me is empty because I can't explore a huge part of myself...which is my interest in other woman. Its really getting to me lately.
: I feel the same way.
post #114 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhendi View Post
I am the same way. I dont have any desire for another man either. I just feel like part of me is empty because I can't explore a huge part of myself...which is my interest in other woman. Its really getting to me lately.
Me too, but it comes and goes. I am truly happy with what I have now, but I still feel that empty part, and it confuses me.
post #115 of 142
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaRae View Post
So a woman is it. It's too bad it's so frowned on. I can see WHY, but it's still too bad. Makes it all that much harder.
While I too would like a woman in my life, I don't understand WHY that's a bad thing.
post #116 of 142
count me in!
I also soooooo dont want another man in my life (heck, I'm having enough troubles with the one I've got ) I'm really not interested in having sex with men. Though I can be, on occasion, attracted to them, and sometimes even really want to make love, when it comes to the crunch, I just dont really enjoy it

and I do feel this emptyness in not being able to express the other side of me. Like some vital part of me is being repressed. I'm not particularly monogamous, but DH is and I have to respect that.

its been tough the last few weeks; DH has been away (we're doing a bit of a trial separation while he is away for work) and the Bi mama who lives next door (and I've had a crush on for years) has been flirting with me... I guess we'll all talk about it when he gets back.

So I'll just manifest that DH will come back and be happy to let me go over and spend some time alone with her while he watches our daughters
post #117 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
count me in!
I also soooooo dont want another man in my life (heck, I'm having enough troubles with the one I've got ) I'm really not interested in having sex with men. Though I can be, on occasion, attracted to them, and sometimes even really want to make love, when it comes to the crunch, I just dont really enjoy it

and I do feel this emptyness in not being able to express the other side of me. Like some vital part of me is being repressed. I'm not particularly monogamous, but DH is and I have to respect that.

its been tough the last few weeks; DH has been away (we're doing a bit of a trial separation while he is away for work) and the Bi mama who lives next door (and I've had a crush on for years) has been flirting with me... I guess we'll all talk about it when he gets back.

So I'll just manifest that DH will come back and be happy to let me go over and spend some time alone with her while he watches our daughters

Oh you Lucky Duck! I hope it all works out!!! :
post #118 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhendi View Post
Oh you Lucky Duck! I hope it all works out!!! :
well, if it doesnt, I've still got you guys :
post #119 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
Ha! I was just thinking about that today actually. A few weeks ago I ran into this guy I used to work with. I actually worked with him AND his girlfriend. When they found out I was bi he invited me over (I was 15, he was what.. 21? She was 19?) and gave me wine coolers. She stared at me nervously all night and I drank my wine cooler thinking, "What the heck is going on???" After an hour or so he says, "So are we going to get started?" I was clueless about what he meant- I had a boyfriend, they knew that - apparently they'd discussed having sex with me and had invited me over for that purpose but never bothered to tell me. Apparently they assumed I'd just want to?


Wow, some people.... I bet it was really akward (spell?) to work with them after that...
post #120 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamabohl View Post
Wow, some people.... I bet it was really akward (spell?) to work with them after that...
LOL

Well honestly I don't remember. I think one one level I felt like I let them down or something and on the other it was kind of powerful to be on the 'what's wrong with YOU' side of things.
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