I can totally relate to this. My 4 1/2 yr old is the same way. She has her own agenda, and has trouble following mine. I keep repeating requests to her and feel like I am nagging all the time.
I have not found much that works. She can pick her clothes and get dressed by herself, brushes her teeth, pour a drink, get a snack, pick up toys, but of course, chooses not to do any of it on her own. "Mommy, can you help me, or mommy, I don't want to".
Mamaduck - that sounds like my DD - naked and playing in her room with her dolls instead of changing her clothes.
for everyone and I just pick and choose which battles are more important and that I want to fight. If she goes to bed in her clothes - oh well. IF she goes to school in her Pj's oh well. If she doesn't get breakfast before school - oh well. She will be the hungry one, not me. She will be the one in her pj's all day with her friends picking on her, not me. It happened to me when I was a kid and I hated it. She doesn't like it either, but until she follows the time line that is set in front of her, this is the only way I know to cope.