40+ and TTC: it's SUMMER! - Page 2

[Piglet68]

Hi speedknitter! I'm a knitter, too!

MsGB, I'm sorry to hear of your broken heart. What worked for me after a string of broken relationships was to completely change the type of guy I was going for. I picked someone based on their proven commitment and desire for a long-term relationship. I also picked someone who chased *me*, when usually that was a turnoff (I guess I was one of those sadistic types who always persued those who played hard to get). We've been together for over 7 years, married for almost 6 and are still very happy and committed to each other.

I'm on day 8 of this cycle now and will start checking CM in the morning. We'll see when the ol' EWCM appears...

[cheeselady]

Hi to all! Even though I'm not TTC, I was about 2 years ago at age 42. Now I'm a ripe 44 with a 10 month old ds. I think the fact that I'm lurking here off and on means that I still have a lingering desire for #3, but I won't admit it. If it goes like dc#2, then I won't get AF back until around 20 months pp, so I would be ancient (hah!) by the time I might get pg. (45 anyone?)

Good luck to you all and hi to Velveteen!

[nolonger]

I'm another graduate who can't resist coming back to see how my friends are doing. I'm 42 and nine weeks along as a single mother by choice via low-tech at home inseminations with a known donor. I also have an adult daughter and a teenaged son, who were born within the context of a brief but unfortunate marriage. I'm pretty sure this will be my last child, but you never know; I once felt the same way about my fifteen year old.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MsGB)))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))

I'm so, so sorry about MC but proud of you for standing up for yourself and letting him know that a phone relationship was not acceptable; I've done the LDR thing for seven years (counting the two years we didn't speak because we hated each other) and it sucks big time! If I didn't know just how bad it sucked, I would be posting on the "TTC 30+" thread instead of this one because Bean would be about seven years old instead of ten weeks gestation! I wasted so much of my life on that man (who I still love and who i have broken up with and gotten back together with a half a dozen times since I last mentioned him here) and I honestly think that my lack of a viable marriage has to do with the fact that I am so NOT a commitmentphobe that I will stick with a relationship that is obviously going nowhere and miss out on the opportunity to begin a new relationship that could be much better.

My biggest regret is not ending a brand new not particularly promising relationship when a man I had known and admired for years as a friend finally told me that he would have liked to be something more. This happened when I was about 22, and our timing has been off ever since--I'm involved when he is single and vice versa! He would have made an outstanding husband and father and the other guy wasn't smitten enough to have been very hurt by a rejection.

Stupid stupid stupid!

I hope things go well with Bob on Saturday and that someday you will be able to look back on this and pat yourself on the back for not making the mistake I did.

Your chart does not look very promising, but tbh, the generalized grumpiness sounds VERY familiar to me because that was exactly how I felt the day I stomped off to the drugstore to buy what turned out to be the test that gave me a BFP; it could just be the progesterone playing tricks on you, since I had much worse morning sickness during the cycles I used a (much milder and weaker) over the counter progesterone creme than I ever had during this real pregnancy. dd said I was impossible to live with and begged me to stop using it.

Your symptoms and discomfort are very real, so please be easy on yourself even if it is just artificial hormones giving you artificial first trimester ickiness.

always showed up on her own without my having to stop the creme, but it was a much weaker concentration of progesterone than the suppositories. You will need to continue the suppositories for most of the first trimester (if you are pregnant) and will probably need medical advice about weaning off of them slowly. I still blame my own carelessness with the creme for my possible chemical back in December.

I'm being downright rude ignoring your question about the betas; I haven't had them done, nor have I had an early ultrasound. I'm going a rather extremely noninvasive route with this pregnancy so far and am feeling better and better about it, although I know that my choice isn't for everyone. An example is that after reading the research on false positives from the glucose urine dipsticks, it was painfully obvious to me that I would be better off using a glucometer (electronic device that insulin-dependant diabetics use to measure blood sugar levels) which is so much more accurate and really isn't that much more expensive.

Everyone I know who is going the OB route is still doing the dipsticks because they are under "Doctor's Orders" and are completely uninterested in reading what the Journal of Family Medicine had to say about the dipsticks two years ago.

Oh well; to each his own.

[massaginmommy]

Spider I opted out of all tests with my little guy too. I had two ultrasounds. One at 15 weeks to check for twins and one right before delivery to check fluid levels etc. I was being induced for complications. I was opting for the least intervention possible and planning an out of hospital birth. Which I did not get but I still went drug free. Good for you Mama!!!

[smaug20000]

hi everyone

I introduced myself on the last thread, but will do another short one. I'm 42 with a 17 month old dd who is still bf. We've been ttc since af returned at 11 months. Going so/so, my cycles are a bit weird. Had an anovulatory one and one that was 32 days, then last month, it was 23 days and only a 9 day lp. I started on b complex this time so that I'd hopefully lengthen my lp.

The funny thing that happened this cycle though was that my dh is a bit skeptical about the fertility monitor and timing bd, so he is just in the let's have more sex camp, which I am definitely willing to try. So anyway, we bd'ed on Thursday which was cycle day 10, and my monitor showed low fertility. Then this morning, I got up and had peak fertility. I was quite excited because I guess our bd yesterday was well timed after all. I told him we need to do it again tonight though. Will keep you posted.

[msgoodbuns]

Thank you all for the love and support. It was also good for me to spend time with my cousins (female) during this difficult time, too. We bonded and I was able to get some good girl talk in. I'm still hurting and one part of me wants him to call and say that he can't live without me, that he misses me and made a mistake, but the other part of me knows that he won't be able to give me enough right now to make it worth while.

I think AF is here - much heavier spotting today, with a.m. cramps. I'm disappointed, but realistically knew that my BD timing was off. I still have some swimmers in the freezer, and with any luck, will meet someone new this summer with whom I hit it off enough to want to get intimate again. I think one of the hardest things for me with this MC thing was that I was relatively happy before MC came back into my life, and now that I've been reminded of how nice a relationship is (when it's going well), I don't think I will be content without one. I feel like there's a big hole in my life now, and was reminded of how much I have to give to a special someone.

BTW, Piglet, MC is a relationship person, and he did "chase" me by contacting me after working on his marriage (and having it fail) for the past 2 years. (We worked together 2 years ago). His problem is that he's too fresh off of his own heart break, and probably needs a lot of time to heal and be ready to commit again.

However, I will continue to seek a good guy....and with any luck, will find one.

Keeping my chin up in New England....

[Piglet68]

Hey MsGB...hope I didn't offend. That was just my own situation. Anyways, like I said, I wish I'd had as much self-respect as you do back when I was always chasing, chasing after the one who just really wasn't going to work out...

Okay, so AF is over and I'm on cd9. Some time in the next week I hope to see some EWCM.

Question: do any of you have doubts? I go back and forth some days between really really wanting another, and then thinking "what am I, crazy?". I already have two healthy wonderful kids...am I the only one who feels this way sometimes?

[msgoodbuns]

Hi Piglet,

No offense taken whatsoever. I was just suggesting that he IS a relationship guy, but unfortunately, the timing is too close to his separation / divorce, and he is not "ready" to fully move into a new relationship. The only thing difficult about choosing a guy who chases you is that, sometimes, when the chase is over, they lose interest. Hence the relationship part of the equation is also essential (as you stated). However, I need to also be attracted to, and interested in, the guy in order to be in it 100%. I've never been good at hanging with someone just b/c they want me. I need to want them, too.

As for the waivering, yes, there are definitely days when I wonder whether I would freak out having a child on my own. Life as I know it would be drastically different. On the other hand, if I never have a child (or give up trying while I can still ovulate) b/c of my fears, then I could only blame myself for being afraid of what a child would ultimately bring to my life. My life has been full of challenges over the past few decades, and I've become a lot stronger as a result. I loved being around my cousin's 6 and 8 year old girls this past week. They are such dolls! Watching my cousin mother them was amazing, and I would love to have the chance to do that for a child (or children) of my own. Fear is always a big part of any important decision in our lives. If we never acted due to our fears, then we would have so little personal growth, and we never give our dreams the opportunity to become our realities.

[nicksmom03]

Welcome to all the new members!

Msgb - I'm so sorry about your relationship troubles. I think we have all been there and it's so hard. I felt so lonely after my divorce and during the time before I met my DH. I hope you conceive soon because I know you will make a great mom.

Well, it's been almost two weeks since my m/c and we just got back from a trip to the beach and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm so torn about what to do... It's hard to put into words. I feel so sad about closing the door on having another child, especially following a loss. I feel a void and it's hard not to TTC. I was just crying and crying last night at the thought of purposely preventing a pregnancy. My poor husband didn't know what to do or say and didn't really understand. He said I am just overwhelmed right now and I guess he's right. This will be the first time ever in my married life that I'm actively preventing pregnancy since I had major infertility issues for so long, etc. I would love another baby but I'm so afraid of another loss. Writing this out...I think I know that I need much more time to heal from this m/c so I can think more clearly. Sorry to go on about this on a TTC post. I needed to get this out and feel comfortable here.

Good luck to all of you. I'll be checking in often.

[KatWrangler]

I'm out this month. AF come to visit yesterday. I told myself not to be sad, but I am. :

[nolonger]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kat))))))))))))))))))

I don't think it's possible not to be sad.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lynne))))))))))))))))))) )))))

Give yourself some time. I was thinking just last night how amazing it is that my youngest "child" didn't even exist three months ago and now I can't even imagine life without him/her. It's a very frightening, vulnerable feeling. I hope that at some point you will want to TTC again but I doubt if anyone could be ready only two weeks after such a terrible loss.

[msgoodbuns]

Nicksmom, I agree with Spider that you're still mourning, and making any decisions at this point one way or the other are going be based on the pain, fear and disappointment that you're feeling. Let some time pass before officially making any decision re: ttc. Many women go on to have beautiful, healthy children after miscarriages. Obviously you're able to conceive, and that's a huge blessing in itself. It is the difficult times that make us stronger. But of course, none of that can take away the pain you're feeling now. BTW, Thank you for your support of my situation. My pain is nothing compared to yours.

KatW, sorry about AF's visit. I think we're basically cycle buddies now. How long was your cycle? Mine was 28 days on the progesterone. Right now I"m having the worst cramps. Oddly enough, my temps continue to range from about 98.3 to 98.9, depending on when I take them. (When I doze on and off for a few hours, I take my temp upon waking each time). But my HPT's are negative, and while I think this is AF (with these miserable cramps), my flo has only been light so far.

One of the things I"m noticing right now is that, by writing on this board, I'm essentially writing in a diary (only getting responses and feedback, too!). It's very therapeutic...much better than simply writing in a diary without your loving support and feedback. Do you gals feel the same way?

Let's hope we can have some more positive postings over the next month. Right now we all seem to be having our share of challenges and disappointments.

Spider, I'm so glad that your pregnancy is progessing well. You are the shining ray of hope that lets me know that a + is possible.

[AnaMom]

Hi Everyone, just checking in. Hi Cheese/Caroline! I'm now 38w3d with the twins and they are most likely coming on Tuesday via c-section as bottom guy is breech. I'm bummed I have to be cut into and I hope all goes okay. I just wanted to check in and say hi. Please send good vibes to my little guys and me and especially that they will be good breastfeeders!

I hope all of you get your heart's desire soon. Thinking of you. Any sign of Lisa (screen name something like mamaof4)? Miss her and hope she is well.

Anamom

[joyluc]

Question about temping

I am 44 and have been TTC for 6 months, I am not sure I am ovulating so I started temping last cycle. We have been traveling a lot so I haven't gotten one cycle worth of good temps. My temps are low and seem to decrease during my cycle - from 97.6 to 97.3. I am a mouth breather and I wonder if that affects my temps. This morning when I took my temp at my regular time (5:15) it was 97.3 - the same temp as the last 3 days. So when I really woke up at 7:30 I took it again - after I had been moving and talking some - and it was 97.8. Then on a lark I took it vaginally and it was 98.6. So my question is does mouth breathing affect temps and what should I do to get accurate temps?

Msgoodbuns I am so sorry for your pain. I have been there too many times before, I hope there is a new door opening for you.

[speedknitter]

No luck for me this cycle arrived this morning...back to CD 1 for me! At least hubby's travel schedule is cooperating, he left for China for a week yesterday! Ha ha ha. Will give it another month or two then maybe "get serious", start charting, etc. What's the best OTC Ovulation predictor?

[msgoodbuns]

AnaMom, thanks for dropping by. I'll certainly send you oodles of well wishes on Tuesday for the babies' births! You must be getting so excited! Please drop us a line after they are snuggling with you in your arms.

Welcome, Joyluc & Speedknitter. Do you use an on-line charting program like Fertility Friend? If so, attach your chart to your signature and we can view it and offer comments. I can't speak for the others, but I love checking out at other women's charts. It offers some good comparisons to our own (and we can tell where you're at each month, too).

SpeedKnitter, I use Clearblue Easy OPK's that I buy at Walmart. They're about $18 for 7 tests. Mine typically have only one line, then two (faint or close in color to the test line) when my LH surges. The line for me has never been equal to or darker than the test line, but clearly I am O'ing shortly after I get both lines appearing. I've been using them all along, and I like them.

My date last night was strange. The guy wouldn't answer any questions with straight answers, and he kept touching my hair, my arm, and twice reached over and held my hand (which I promptly removed from his grasp!). All in the course of a 2 hour date. I doubt that this one's a "keeper". I guess it's back to the drawing board!

[purplegirl]

Subbing

[Piglet68]

Okay, cd11 and we still have creamy CM. My cycles are usually 29 to 30 days, so I'm guessing I usually O around cd15 or so. DH and I are ready for a few days of DTD and I'm pretty durned excited.

I don't have a chart so I'm just going to bore you all with my reports, lol.

Went to visit my friends yesterday who have a 2 week old and I got to hold her...ah, baby lust! And then her pal came over (who I know somewhat) and she announced she is pregnant with #2. She will be 41 in September. That makes 2 over-40 mamas I know who are due next spring. I hope to make that 3!

[msgoodbuns]

"Woe is me." (Beware...depressing stuff below.) Isn't it enough....

...that I am incredibly moody and irritable lately (and feel like a royal bitch), have a broken heart, can't find love and/or great male companionship, don't have a family of my own and am having trouble conceiving, recently lost my job and had to put my dog to sleep in December? NOOOOOOOO. Tonight, as I lay in bed unable to sleep and already feeling sorry for myself, my F*****G plaster living room ceiling came CRASHING DOWN! Yes, you read that correctly. An area about 5' x 5' broke apart and crashed down all over my floor and furniture. And I'm sure there's more to fall, as the new cracking extends beyond the already broken section. I had recently noticed some light cracking, but figured it was due to the upstairs neighbors moving in furniture or the high humidity or something. It IS an old house, (yet a nice one, and in "good" structural condition (so I thought), and plaster isn't particularly flexible. There were old cracks that I patched before I painted this past winter. I never would have expected this to happen!

I can't stop crying. This is the story of my life. Why do some people have simple lives, and mine is in a constant state of crisis, challenges and disappointments, all of which I have to bear without a partner to help shoulder the stress and give comfort at times like this? I had just been asking G-d for a sign to give me direction about my life, love, children, etc. (right before the ceiling crashed down). I guess G-d wants me to do more home repairs. How emotionally fulfilling. I just want a new life.

Sorry, gals. I warned you that this would be a depressing post. I'm going to look like hell tomorrow - red, swollen eyes, blotchy face, from all the tears. And I've actually got a lot of appointments, so I can't hide behind sunglasses all day.

I hope you're all doing better than I am.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by msgoodbuns

...that I am incredibly moody and irritable lately (and feel like a royal bitch), have a broken heart, can't find love and/or great male companionship, don't have a family of my own and am having trouble conceiving, recently lost my job and had to put my dog to sleep in December? NOOOOOOOO. Tonight, as I lay in bed unable to sleep and already feeling sorry for myself, my F*****G plaster living room ceiling came CRASHING DOWN! Yes, you read that correctly. An area about 5' x 5' broke apart and crashed down all over my floor and furniture. And I'm sure there's more to fall, as the new cracking extends beyond the already broken section. I had recently noticed some light cracking, but figured it was due to the upstairs neighbors moving in furniture or the high humidity or something. It IS an old house, (yet a nice one, and in "good" structural condition (so I thought), and plaster isn't particularly flexible. There were old cracks that I patched before I painted this past winter. I never would have expected this to happen!

I can't stop crying. This is the story of my life. Why do some people have simple lives, and mine is in a constant state of crisis, challenges and disappointments, all of which I have to bear without a partner to help shoulder the stress and give comfort at times like this? I had just been asking G-d for a sign to give me direction about my life, love, children, etc. (right before the ceiling crashed down). I guess G-d wants me to do more home repairs. How emotionally fulfilling. I just want a new life.

Sorry, gals. I warned you that this would be a depressing post. I'm going to look like hell tomorrow - red, swollen eyes, blotchy face, from all the tears. And I've actually got a lot of appointments, so I can't hide behind sunglasses all day.

I hope you're all doing better than I am.

I am so sorry it is a rough time for you. Sometimes all the crap seems to hit at once. If it's any consolation, my life right now sucketh too! Many of the things you describe, I am going through as well and as each day ticks by, I grow more hopeless about being able to have a family of my own. You're not alone!
However, I do know in the blink of an eye, things can change for the better. I try to focus on what I want and visualize it happening in my life. In that moment, it lifts me up.
I am on my way out the door to walk but I'll check in later to see how you are doing!